Is This The Biggest Dating Mistake Women Make?

Posted on Feb 26 2010 at 03:57:54 PM in

Although there are many types of dating mistakes that women share with us, the mistake of dating a man exclusively too soon into a relationship is the one that is most often the real culprit that keeps women from finding that special guy.  It may sound dramatic to call this the “biggest” dating mistake, but what elevates it to this level is that women often don’t recognize that dating exclusively so quickly is a mistake.  This is a problem for both inexperienced and experienced daters, who not only make this mistake, but continue to make it over and over again.  Here are some reasons why I think that women continue to make this mistake and why they need to break this habit:

Can’t See the bigger picture- Most women are great with details.  After a relationship ends, women are likely to identify many of the details as to why that particular relationship ended.  It’s important to recognize specific mistakes and to vow not to make them again, but it’s also important to see the big picture.  A woman may realize that she was wasting her time with a man who wasn’t ready to commit, but this is just a detail about what is wrong with her dating strategy.  The big picture is that it took her months to discover this about this man while ruling out all chances of meeting a man that was a better match for her.

Some things take time- You may need months of dating someone to discover the things about them that determine whether or not this relationship has the potential to last.  In the example above, the big problem is not that it took months to determine that the man was not ready for commitment, the problem is that the woman didn’t keep her options open while she was making this discovery.

We often look down on women who date multiple men- When men aren’t dating any one particular woman exclusively, we may say that they are “playing the field” or give it some other term that shows approval.  Woman who date in this manner are often described in much less flattering terms.  Now of course if you are dating multiple men as you search for “the one,” you need to hold off on getting involved sexually with these men.  First, you need to wait until you have been dating that special guy, who stands out from the others that you’re dating, long enough to determine if he has the characteristics that you want in a long term partner.  Next, make sure that you are both seeing each other exclusively and are both looking at creating a lasting relationship, before you get sexually involved.

Women aren’t comfortable approaching this topic- Many women worry that a man will think that they are “slutty” if they let him know that they’d rather date a few men casually before deciding if they want to date one of them exclusively.  Men actually seem to have a better handle on the concept that dating should be fun than women do, and many men complain to us that most women are looking for a relationship to become too serious too soon.  Women need to keep in mind that even though their ultimate goal for dating may be to find a soul mate, they should still be having fun during the dating process.

More prospects = greater chance of success- If you’ve ever been in sales, you know that your chances of success are the greatest when you have multiple prospects rather than focusing all your time and energy on one prospect.  I know that doesn’t sound very romantic, but the goal of finding a lifetime partner is even more difficult to achieve than the  salesman who wants to land a million dollar deal.  You would laugh at the salesman who only pursued one client after one meeting with them, yet we tend to see nothing wrong with the woman who starts dating a man exclusively after only one date.

So, if you are a woman looking for that special someone, or you know a woman who is searching, be aware of this “biggest” of dating mistakes.  I’ve known many women that were finally able to find that special guy once they broke this habit of always dating exclusively.  Instead of dating one or two men over the course of a year, they had the chance to date many men and compare the potential that they all had for becoming that lifetime partner.

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Created: Feb 26 2010 at 03:57:54 PM
Updated: Feb 26 2010 at 03:57:54 PM
Language: English