Blog Feed: Yo Soy La Chamuca - I don't even speak Spanish.

I almost forgot

Published on 2010-12-30 15:40:14

This commercial came on TV when I was with my parents:       Mom:  Why haven’t I heard of this?  I need to get one! Dad:  It’ll blow your hair back though. Mom:  It’s like the opposite of Beiber hair. Dad:  Guess

The Christmas Squatters

Published on 2010-12-28 02:09:58

Since I had to work on Christmas Eve and at 8am the day after Christmas, my parents drove up here while I picked my brother up at the airport.  Aunt Crazy Pills, Uncle Fighting Illini and Masturbating Cousin drove down to Cheerleading Cousin’s

My Father’s Stony Reserve

Published on 2010-12-17 17:59:35

My mom is having somewhat-emergency gallbladder surgery today.  She didn’t ask me to come down for it, probably because she knows I’m going to get pissed at my dad for being a man-child. I called their cell phone this afternoon.  My dad

Living in the Country

Published on 2010-12-01 23:41:05

When my brother and I were in high school, he drove like a typical teenage boy.  More concerned about his friends and what music was playing, than about what was happening on the road.  Thank God cell phones weren’t more prevalent back then,

Thanks for the heads up, Mom

Published on 2010-11-19 03:11:14

So my brother’s now ex-girlfriend is a crazy, selfish bitch. She broke up with my brother because she wanted him to spend more time with her.  Apparently spending every night and weekend wasn’t enough and she wanted him to call off work

Injured Ego

Published on 2010-11-06 22:44:42

I’ve only broken one bone in my life. I had just turned 13 and was at a Youth Group event at the house of a family who went to our church. They had 4 rambunctious sons, ages 6 to 14, and lived by the river, with a huge, flat backyard leading up

Three Sugar-Fiend Ninjas

Published on 2010-11-02 20:20:50

I spent Halloween night corralling three little sugar-addled trick-or-treaters, all boys, ages 6, 9, and 12. Lobster always takes the Lobsterling and the Lobsterling’s half brothers ever year.  In years past, it’s been too cold or the ki

I’m a fucking failure

Published on 2010-10-27 21:55:41

Today, I found out how much money I’m going to get from unemployment, and it’s not even enough to pay my rent. My normally moderate anxiety is through the roof right now.  I really don’t know what to do.  If I don’t find a j

Between a Rock and a Hard Place, or Some Other Equally Annoying Cliche

Published on 2010-10-21 17:29:31

I’m fucking torn about whom to vote for in my state’s gubernatorial elections. This year’s Republican nominee is a doozy. . .a former pro basketball player.  I think the Republican party is hoping he’ll gain the votes of peop

Google makes me laugh and pisses me off

Published on 2010-10-13 03:51:55

Somehow, I came across an online news article from last year, featuring my grandpa (the one with the Squirrels).  Apparently, some local hoodlums spray painted the fire hydrant in front of his house, and he was pissed the fuck off.  The article quo