Blog Feed: Thoughts On The Disease

Still Thinkin', Part 3

Published on 2012-05-17 19:05:00

Continuing on with my thoughts on some of the behaviors and attitudes so common to those who suffer from the Disease…Guilt and ShameI have an old friend who likes to say when someone tries to make you feel guilty, imagine they’re serving you a shit sandwich—all you have to do is say, “No thanks, I’m not hungry.”Not too long ago, I got a new sponsor and started another round of the steps. I’m currently in Step 4, and there are some good questions in there about guilt. My favorite pa [..] > read more

Still Thinkin', Part 2

Published on 2012-05-16 19:05:00

Continuing on with my thoughts on some of the behaviors and attitudes so common to those who suffer from the Disease…Misery“Miserable people will always try to get others to join them in their misery; someone else’s bad day (or life) doesn’t have to become yours, too.”I wrote that quote the other day and shared it around with some friends. A lot of people could relate to it. I look at the whole subject as a two-headed monster; those of us with the Disease know misery, but we also have [..] > read more

Still thinkin'

Published on 2012-05-15 19:04:00

So I guess we can consider the blog reactivated, yes? Why no posts in so long? Life has been very full. > read more

“Perfection”

Published on 2011-12-06 23:13:00

Sometimes I wonder if the most bitter pill in life to swallow is a deep disappointment. It’s like that moment when you realize your dad isn’t a superhero. Or when someone you thought was a genius makes a truly moronic comment. It seems so strange; we walk through molestation, poverty, death, and more. Yet there’s nothing quite like that feeling when you realize someone or something isn’t perfect--and that someone can be ourselves.When that moment happens, there’s an innocence that dies [..] > read more

“Thanks”

Published on 2011-11-24 11:52:00

Uh-oh. The last time I blogged was on Veteran’s day. Today is Thanksgiving. I’m in serious danger of becoming the holiday blogger! I wonder if that’s anything like being an Easter/Christmas catholic?It is thanksgiving day here, a day for being with family, feasting, being grateful, and praising god for a holiday that isn’t full of buying shiny plastic shit for people who don’t need it because otherwise they’ll think you don’t love them. For the first time in a couple of weeks, I ha [..] > read more

“Freed From Insanity”

Published on 2011-11-11 16:14:00

That was the title for one of this week’s “Just For Today”. I saw it pop up in my email and it was almost as if an entire blog entry appeared before my eyes, fully formed in my mind, waiting to be written. And then, of course, several days went by while I did that whole life thing.Today is a holiday and I’ve got the day off from work. There’s laundry to do, music to be made, and I’m starting it all off at my favorite coffee shop. Now that I’ve turned my attention back to the blog, [..] > read more

“Still Codependent, Too”

Published on 2011-11-06 13:00:00

It’s been a while since I ranted & raved about codependence here in this space. A program friend of mine has recently realized that he’s got some work to do in this department so it’s been on my mind lately. He’s already looked at his issues there a little, and I had a good book to loan him. Ha. I have more than a few books on the subject :)If you’re not familiar with the term and are wondering what the heck this codependence thing is, there are a lot of ways to describe it. Some peopl [..] > read more

“The Joy Of Living”

Published on 2011-11-03 22:35:00

We’ve had a few windy days here and I’ve been seeing something I’ve seen before that never ceases to amaze me: the way the wind whips across grass in waves. It’s an impressive sight, those ripples. So fluid, so natural, and yet so unnatural at the same time. Those tiny green blades, acting in concert as if they were an ocean surface. I have one of those ‘appreciate the little things’ moments every time I see it.As crazy as life can get, with its ups and downs, its occasional total up [..] > read more

“Drunk Talk”

Published on 2011-10-28 01:24:00

When I was seeing my last therapist (you know, the one that was actually so helpful that I haven’t had to go back to therapy since seeing him?), he and I would talk a lot about the ‘language of alcohol’. There are lots of different aspects to it: the use of ‘you’ when what someone really means is ‘I’, talking around subjects instead of directly about them, lying--especially by omission, and many others.My therapist and I would talk about this alcoholic-speak as my first language--m [..] > read more

“Self-Harm”

Published on 2011-10-26 22:31:00

A little “what it’s like now” before I get to the “what it used to be like”: It’s a full life these days. I got hired permanently at my new job, which is a blessing and a curse. On my second official day, my coworker went out on maternity leave (which is in itself a very long story). One of my good friends went into a voluntary psychiatric hospitalization. And I even have a special someone in my life now. The job stuff, well I knew even before I accepted the position how utterly insa [..] > read more

"Centering"

Published on 2011-10-19 00:05:00

Okay, I'm going to break a guy-rule here and admit the following: I can get really emotional watching movies. I'm not talking about crying, I mean all emotions. A good film just taps into me and the feelings start flowing out. I was watching one tonight and paused it--right at really good part, too--because I felt some anger that I needed to take the time to process. I went out for a run, and now I'm at my favorite coffee shop. And wouldn't you know it, there are two friends of Bill here, discus [..] > read more

“Four Corners”

Published on 2011-10-15 14:49:00

I had a dream the other night. The details are a bit fuzzy now, but each place I went to in this dream was empty. It was like at the end of a party where most of the people have left. There were a few stragglers, but even they were on their way out. The overall meaning I took from the dream was that it was about endings, and that I was the last one to be aware of things being over. You could say I was late to the party on that :)As an addict in Recovery, the larger meaning strikes me as being ab [..] > read more

“Reason and Purpose”

Published on 2011-10-08 16:04:00

For some reason, I’ve got scenes and quotes from the movie ‘The Matrix: Reloaded’ running through my mind. The bit about purpose--that it drives us, defines us; about the importance of reason, how the ‘why’ is crucial and how without a reason for what we do, we have nothing. I think we’ve all heard it at some point in our lives that “everything happens for a reason”. Maybe; maybe not.Generally, we can say that in active addiction, when we’re in the grips of the Disease, our li [..] > read more

“When Family Has The Disease”

Published on 2011-07-05 22:30:00

A lot of people in the program come from families where the disease runs rampant. Dad’s a drunk, mom takes pills, sister’s on crank, brother’s in jail, and every combination of the above and more. Some of us have family members who don’t drin > read more

“Dealing With Fear”

Published on 2011-07-04 16:06:00

It’s hot here right now. Really hot. We’re on day two of what is supposed to be a four day stretch of 100+ degree days. I’d planned to wake up early this morning to go on my run, but got hit with a bout of insomnia last night. By the time I was > read more

“Judging Other Addicts”

Published on 2011-07-01 02:17:00

I was having fellowship after a meeting recently and we got to talking about the different vibes each of the fellowships have. How AA has a different feel from NA, talk like that. And it’s true, different meetings have different atmospheres. And th > read more

“Feels Good To Be Working”

Published on 2011-06-29 23:05:00

I’m on my lunch break now from my first full day back to work. I have an hour to eat, relax, and what do I do with it? Blog. Why? Because I have this giddy feeling bubbling up inside me, almost like a secret. It’s almost like I want to pull a ran > read more

“Going Back To Work”

Published on 2011-06-28 17:49:00

Okay, here’s some truth for you. This is how fucked up my disease is.After being out of work for more than a year, I’ve finally gotten a job. It’s actually a better job than the one I was laid off from. A better organization, better benefits, a > read more

“Sharing Our True Selves”

Published on 2011-06-27 13:38:00

Sometimes at meetings, I’ll share knowing exactly what I want to say. I might have something big going on in my life at the moment that I need to talk about, or some good piece of advice about the topic that I want to pass on to newcomers, just as > read more

“Deeper Understanding”

Published on 2011-06-25 17:45:00

I’m a Kate Bush fan. One of my favorite songs of hers is called ‘Deeper Understanding’. It’s loosely about addiction--computer addiction, actually. The chorus is my favorite part: “Hello; I know that you’ve been feeling tired; I bring you > read more

“Practicing Perseverance”

Published on 2011-06-24 18:52:00

Go to meetings, stay sober, work the step or die, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, thanks for reading.Naw, I’m just kidding :)It’s a warm Friday afternoon and I’m in the shade of the patio outside my favorite coffee shop. They’ve got a new > read more

“Lucky Is A Frame Of Mind

Published on 2011-06-23 00:07:00

I’m feeling a little pensive this evening. It was a good day. I worked out, got my laundry done, reworked & mixed a song for my own music project, visited with my mom, even gave my jade plant some love (I have a solid bonsai thing going, there). Th > read more

“Rigorous Honesty”

Published on 2011-06-21 13:16:00

We talk about this life of Recovery as being one of ‘rigorous honesty’. Honesty is the first spiritual principle we begin practicing when we start working the program. It begins with the honest admission that we have the disease and that we need > read more

"Loneliness"

Published on 2011-06-20 20:19:00

One of my good friends in Recovery, someone I was actually 'out there' with who got clean a few months before I did, often shares about loneliness. It's not a subject I share a lot about. In fact it's pretty rare for me to talk about it. The reason w > read more

"Finding The Humor"

Published on 2011-06-19 14:12:00

I'm having a coffee at my favorite spot before heading over to my sponsor's place for some step work. I finished up the writing for my latest round of 10, 11, and 12, and we've finally found some time in our busy schedules to go over it together.It's > read more

“It Works”

Published on 2011-06-18 22:48:00

I’m a little tired this evening, but it’s the good kind of tired. Earlier this week, I strained my calves a bit and had taken a day off from the running. I hate to miss a day of exercise, though, so I did my weights for three days straight. Today > read more

“Acceptance”

Published on 2011-06-16 12:32:00

One of my fellows at my homegroup talks often about how the ‘wisdom to know the difference’ is the mot important part of the serenity prayer. Accepting things we can’t change? Definitely not easy. Having courage to change what we can? It’s ce > read more

“Still Workin’ It On The Off-Days”

Published on 2011-06-15 13:46:00

Okay, now it’s hot.Ever since I got back to Sacramento from Lake Tahoe, it’s been up in the 90s here. The forecast says the heat will continue for at least the next week. The solstice is next Tuesday. Summer is finally here. I find myself saying, > read more

“Grateful To Have A Life”

Published on 2011-06-13 11:50:00

Sitting cross-legged on my back porch this morning, smoking a cigarette and downing some bold and bitter iced coffee I’d made up last night, I read the NA ‘Just For Today’ and almost laughed out loud. It was about having a full, busy life. I th > read more

“No Longer A Victim”

Published on 2011-06-12 12:56:00

I’m at my favorite coffee shop, having a muffin and a severely over-caffeinated coffee confection for the first time in about a week. Feels good to be back here blogging. The weather has finally turned and the sun is beating down. A bit of a breeze > read more

"Lakeshore"

Published on 2011-06-08 22:29:00

About two hours' drive northeast of Sacramento is one of the largest freshwater lakes in the country--Lake Tahoe. It sits on the border between California and Nevada, right in the crook of, well, I don't know what else to call it except the Californi > read more

“I’ll Take ‘T’ As In ‘Tired’, Pat”

Published on 2011-06-06 00:32:00

If you don’t know it, learn it: HALT. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. It’s one of those little sayings we have that help us to be in touch with ourselves, to know our limits, and to know when we’re on the edge. As sufferers from the disease, we’re > read more

“Tests And Opportunities”

Published on 2011-06-04 15:26:00

It’s raining again. The weather forecast tells me that it’s going to be like this for the next few days, culminating in thunderstorms on Monday. The talk amongst friends is that we’re tired of this, it’s June, and where the hell is Summer?! > read more

“An Interview At Last”

Published on 2011-06-01 16:27:00

Wow. Okay, so I was laid-off from my previous job last April. I’ve done a little temp work, done some under-the-table jobs for friends, played some gigs here and there, but have basically been unemployed for over a year. I’ve sent out application > read more

“(Bad) Sports Analogies”

Published on 2011-05-31 14:53:00

One of the most amazing parts of walking the spiritual path is having the spiritual awakening that’s talked about in the twelfth step. The shape it takes is different for each of us. Some people experience it more intensely than others. For some, i > read more

“Loud Neighbors--Again”

Published on 2011-05-29 16:22:00

After a few days of more unseasonable rain, we’ve finally got a sunny day here. I’m at the rose gardens in McKinley park, enjoying some shade and a comfortable breeze. I wasn’t the only one who thought coming here would be a good idea, either. > read more

“District 18 (Greater Sacramento Area Marijuana Anonymous); est’d 2011”

Published on 2011-05-28 14:30:00

My homegroup is an MA fellowship--Marijuana Anonymous. I go to the other fellowships, to Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, but pot was my main drug, my drug of choice. I feel most comfortable there, like it’s in those rooms that I truly > read more

"Keep Writing"

Published on 2011-05-25 15:18:00

The last time I was actively working steps, I sort of petered out in the middle of Step 10. I didn’t think too much about it. I do have an active prayer life, and I do a lot of service as well as sponsor other guys in the program. So I felt pretty > read more

“Get A New God”

Published on 2011-05-21 12:00:00

One of my atheist fellows likes to say, “if your God doesn’t want you to be sober, then get a new God.” Personally, I love that phrase because it really pulls together so many points about what kind of a Higher Power we learn to let work in ou > read more

"New Phone, Old Thoughts"

Published on 2011-05-19 13:40:00

1,001 one days at a time. How 'bout that, eh? As usual, my addict brain instead of allowing me to congratulate myself, found a way to beat up on me. Uncle Steve isn't just a liar; he's abusive too.I'm blogging now from a new phone. Over the weekend, > read more

"Thanks To You, Readers"

Published on 2011-05-18 20:43:00

Hey everybody. Today is a special day for me. No, not a sobriety birthday, but something my sponsor likes to call 'proud-time'. Today, I have 1,000 days clean and sober.As a tradition on my sobriety birthday, I try to call people in the program who h > read more

"Strange Weather"

Published on 2011-05-16 13:45:00

It's been cold here lately. We even had some unseasonable rain yesterday. Check that--thunder, lightening, and hail. Usually, it's stopped raining by this time of year. Who knows? Maybe I'll get rain for my bellybutton birthday in June. I've always c > read more

"Smelling Roses"

Published on 2011-05-15 01:07:00

I'm gonna go ahead and put the point up front this time: it's nice to be able to take joy in life, even if it's for just little things. In fact, I'm pretty sure that some of the great spiritual beings have said that it's the little things that matter > read more

"A Little Venting"

Published on 2011-05-13 20:29:00

I remember being at a meeting once and hearing the Secretary share an interesting observation. She had around seven years and had brought in a speaker with a similar amount of time. She talked about her confusion at how few people there were in the r > read more

"Creatures Of The Earth"

Published on 2011-05-11 13:02:00

"Recovery is like balancing grains of sand..." "Then I looked back and saw only one set of footprints..." "The child was throwing starfish back into the ocean..." "Sand, sand, everywhere and not a drop to drink..." Okay, I made that last one up.Th > read more

"Winding Down"

Published on 2011-05-10 14:41:00

I'm on break from classes, sitting in the shade next to a waterfountain/sculpture here on campus. Students of all races chatter around me. A group of four is at a table, grimacing about whatever subject they're supposed to be working on, wishing they > read more

"Boundaries And Bullshit"

Published on 2011-05-09 13:02:00

I think when I look back on this spring what I will remember most is that the weather was beautiful and the allergies were a nightmare.Hey there, all. Zach here. I started taking the allergy pills again. Grr. I hate taking anything and try to avoid i > read more

"Drug Culture"

Published on 2011-05-08 13:12:00

We live in a drug culture. Setting aside all the illegal ones for the moment, there are advertisements everywhere--on movies, on TV, in magazines--for perfectly legal remedies to whatever ails you. Modern medicine has a pill to fix everything. Pharma > read more

"Lighten Up"

Published on 2011-05-06 16:25:00

"We learn to lighten up," says today's Just For Today. Indeed. Some of the best times I've had in this life have been when I was standing around with some other addicts after a meeting, laughing with our sick senses of humor at a world that is so ins > read more

"Strangers Yelling"

Published on 2011-05-05 14:51:00

I've got some tenth-stepping to do. Here's the story:I was having trouble getting up this morning. It was one of those days where I hit the snooze button on the alarm over and over and over again. At about quarter after eight, an email came through s > read more

“Spiritual Space”

Published on 2011-05-05 00:27:00

I remember living in Oakland in my mid-twenties. I was on the fourth floor of an old building that had no elevator. It wasn’t in the worst part of town, more of a halfway point between a bad area and one that, well, wasn’t as bad. It was a nice p > read more

"You Should Be Grateful"

Published on 2011-05-03 20:33:00

Ho boy. The JFT was on gratitude today. I looked to it for inspiration to write and I'm not sure how much I have to say on that subject at the moment. There are plenty of things I'm grateful for--like being sober, having the opportunity to understand > read more

“First Fix”

Published on 2011-05-02 12:21:00

Oh man. It’s barely nine o’ clock, and I’m up and blogging. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it here in these pages, but I am NOT a morning person. I’ve got a pot of very strong coffee brewing downstairs.I’m back home after my trip down to > read more

"Been To Hell, Thanks"

Published on 2011-04-30 15:19:00

I'm at Asilomar, a state beach down just south of the Monterey bay here in California. Most of the year, it's cold and clouded over, but this weekend there's nothing but clear skies and a mild wind. The green-blue ocean sends waves to crash over prot > read more

"Just Asking Questions"

Published on 2011-04-26 18:03:00

This blog is about my life in Recovery. Some days, the focus is a little less on the 'recovery' part and a lot more on the 'my life in' part. Today is one of those days.I've just come from my first day back at class after being on a very late-term sp > read more

"Easter Miracles"

Published on 2011-04-24 16:41:00

I have a saying: St. Patricks day is just another day if you don't drink. I'm feeling a little bit of that about Easter today. I was raised Christian, was very involved in church growing up. I've spent a lot of time studying the bible, Christian hist > read more

"Meeting Drama"

Published on 2011-04-23 20:39:00

About half a mile from my apartment is a huge city park. There are tennis courts, tons of picnic tables, huge grassy areas, a duck pond, baseball diamonds, huge wooden castles for kids to climb on, and--at the far end--a rose garden. I'm sitting on a > read more

"Old Journals"

Published on 2011-04-22 14:38:00

I stumbled across one of my old journals last night. It was from about ten years ago. Reading it was a bit of a trip.Many of the things I wrote about were things I still think about today. Things like needing a job, feeling fat, and generally wonderi > read more

"Women And Men"

Published on 2011-04-20 22:03:00

Less than an hour ago, I stepped out to have a cigarette. My eyes darted up the block to watch an attractive woman in a low-cut top and skin-tight sweats step onto the street and start walking towards her car. On the sidewalk was a man pushing his ba > read more

"Dealing With Conflict"

Published on 2011-04-19 13:55:00

One of my sponsees is currently a meeting secretary. I'm proud of him for finally taking on that service position. It's been a little difficult for him and he's discovered an interesting little tidbit--that meetings 'look' very different when you're > read more

"Strange Dreams"

Published on 2011-04-18 16:14:00

I had some vivid dreams last night. One of them was a using dream. It's been a long time since I had one of those. Can't say I like them any more now than I have before. It's always very emotional. All the drama of having relapsed, having to resign m > read more

"The Selves, They Are a-Changin"

Published on 2011-04-16 13:45:00

A few days ago, I went to one of my regular meetings and didn't get what I needed from it. Stepping outside, I talked with a couple guys from the fellowship. They said they felt the same way, so we took ourselves out for after-meeting coffee and conv > read more

"A Recovering People-Pleaser"

Published on 2011-04-13 18:37:00

NA's 'Just For Today' hit me hard today. It was about people-pleasing--doing things just to gain the approval of others, and how it stems from low self-esteem. Sure, we like to feel good about ourselves. When people tell us they're proud of us or tha > read more

“Walking The Walk”

Published on 2011-04-12 18:02:00

I’ve got some tenth-stepping to do here. Followers of this blog have seen me rant about my issues with my Issues Of Diverse Populations class. It’s frustrating for me to sit through lectures on stuff I’ve spent most of my life learning on my o > read more

"Work And Willingness"

Published on 2011-04-11 13:21:00

Ugh. See, this is why it's so important to enjoy the good feelings while they're there--because this too shall pass. My allergies are really driving me crazy today. I know that's all it is, but it feels almost like a nasty cold. I hate being sick. We > read more

"Sunday Slice of Life"

Published on 2011-04-10 15:11:00

Allergy season is upon us. Those of us who live here in the central California valley have a saying--if you didn't have allergies when you got here, you will soon. A friend of mine at the meeting the other night was bemoaning it, talking about how he > read more

"Still Unemployed"

Published on 2011-04-08 15:08:00

I'm at my favorite coffee shop, smoking a cigarette and waiting for my caffeine infusion. My plan had been to read, but wouldn't you know it, I've got other things on my mind. The book is for one of my classes. I have thirty pages to read and an onli > read more

"Okay Being By Myself"

Published on 2011-04-05 13:54:00

Insomnia kept me awake again last night. I didn't make it to school on time and was late enough that there didn't seem to be much point in going to my first class. It's a nice day out here, blue skies and warm sun, but my legs are still hurting from > read more

"Why I Write"

Published on 2011-04-04 13:41:00

It's been a progress not perfection weekend over here and that's a very good thing.On Saturday, an old friend of mine was in town playing a gig and I went out to see him. I was feeling a little un-centered heading out there. The last time I'd seen hi > read more

"Powerless vs. Powerful"

Published on 2011-03-31 17:33:00

You don't have to go to very many meetings to hear about being powerless. It is in the first step, after all. It's the first thing we admit to ourselves: we're powerless over our addiction--whatever that addiction is. When I take sponsees through the > read more

“Different Grams”

Published on 2011-03-30 15:50:00

I have one grandparent still living. She’s my dad’s mom, and at 91 years-old, her mind is still sharp as a tack. Her body, unfortunately, isn’t doing as well. At the moment, she’s in a skilled nursing facility, recuperating from back surgery. > read more

"Strange Prayers"

Published on 2011-03-29 19:45:00

School is hitting me pretty hard. Spring break is less than a month away, but before I can get to it, I've got quizzes, midterms, and a research paper due. I took my Statistics midterm this morning and was about five minutes late for class. It was a > read more

Published on 2011-03-28 00:36:00

Self-esteem seems to be on my mind tonight. I was at the NA meeting tonight and the chair was great, as were the shares. An old timer had a fantastic, quotable comment. He was tallking about when he had four years, went to a convention and saw someon > read more

"There Is Hope"

Published on 2011-03-24 15:01:00

It's nasty out there. I'm sitting in my car, on break from my classes. It's cold, wet, and windy. One of those days where the wind just whips through my clothes like pure bitterness. The rain pelts my face from all directions and feels like chips of > read more

"Still Got Issues"

Published on 2011-03-17 14:56:00

The past week has been rough for me. This is my third attempt to blog about it. I keep starting to write, get a ways in, then end up coming down on myself for whining. I think about what I'm going through, how hard it is for me, then do that thing wh > read more

“Not All Who Wander Are Lost”

Published on 2011-03-13 20:07:00

A book I’m reading had a great thought that has me reflecting. The passage I was reading was about how those of us who go through monumental change (like learning to live clean and sober) go though a period of time where we feel lost. When we feel > read more

"Reward Yourself"

Published on 2011-03-11 20:10:00

((Earlier today, a magnitude 8.9 struck off the coast of Japan, devastating the shores of that country and sending tsunami across the Pacific Ocean.))Not all of the lessons of Recovery are harsh. One of the better ones is learning to reward ourselves > read more

"Equality Fetish"

Published on 2011-03-10 15:19:00

This is one of those blog posts where I've started writing, not knowing quite what I want to say or how to say it. I guess the general topic I have floating around my head is that I really appreciate how accepting and diverse meetings are and that it > read more

"Is AA a Cult?"

Published on 2011-03-08 14:59:00

In my Social Psychology class today, we went over cults. We discussed how they work, how people get drawn in, and some of the crazy things people who get involved in them end up doing. There were even a couple of slides in the professor's powerpoint > read more

“Step Twelve: Service”

Published on 2011-03-06 17:21:00

(This blog is twelfth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

“Step Eleven: Spiritual Awareness”

Published on 2011-03-05 18:15:00

(This blog is eleventh in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how t > read more

“Step Ten: Perseverance”

Published on 2011-03-01 14:42:00

(This blog is tenth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to l > read more

“Step Nine: Justice”

Published on 2011-02-27 13:48:00

(This blog is eighth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

“Feeling Better”

Published on 2011-02-22 15:19:00

(‘Thoughts On The Steps’ will return...)I’ve got a line from an old song going through my head today. Feelings... nothing more than feelings...” We read it in the literature, we hear it from our sponsors and from others in the rooms: they’ > read more

“Step Eight: Love”

Published on 2011-02-17 13:47:00

(This blog is eighth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

“Step Seven: Humility”

Published on 2011-02-14 13:18:00

(This blog is seventh in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

“Step Six: Willingness”

Published on 2011-02-11 17:34:00

(This blog is sixth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to l > read more

“Step Five: Integrity”

Published on 2011-02-08 11:58:00

(This blog is fifth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to l > read more

“Loneliness”

Published on 2011-02-06 21:43:00

('Thoughts On The Steps' will return after this brief word from our author...)It's Superbowl Sunday and I must confess, I'm not much of a football fan. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll go on and on about how professional sports are nothing more than avenue > read more

“Step Four: Courage”

Published on 2011-02-03 15:07:00

(This blog is fourth in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

“Step Three: Faith”

Published on 2011-02-01 15:14:00

(This blog is third in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to l > read more

“Step Two: Hope”

Published on 2011-01-31 13:16:00

(This blog is second in a multi-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

“Step One: Honesty”

Published on 2011-01-29 17:11:00

(This blog is first in a twelve-part series, “Thoughts On The Steps”. This series is not a guide on how to work steps; steps can only be worked under the guidance of a sponsor. The twelve-step program is a spiritual program; it teaches us how to > read more

"Sink Balls"

Published on 2011-01-27 14:54:00

When I was younger, I played a lot of pool. I shot in a league, played in a couple tournaments. It was fun and I enjoyed it a lot. I was better than your average player, and right about the time I started to really get good, I stopped playing. I coul > read more

“God Will Save Me”

Published on 2011-01-26 20:04:00

I was bumming around the internet today and found a good essay on atheism/agnosticism as a path to God. The author didn’t say anyone who walks this path ultimately finds God, just that there are some who do. They begin with no belief, then come to > read more

"Permission To Be Selfish"

Published on 2011-01-25 14:47:00

So... is 12-steps a selfish program or a program where we learn to be less selfish? Both. Stay with me on this.My Social Psychology class is right after my Statistics class and it is full. Full, as in, not enough chairs to go around, people stitting > read more

"Relapse Is A Part Of Recovery"

Published on 2011-01-24 20:56:00

You don't have to be coming around to 12-step rooms long before you hear that relapse is a part of Recovery. I tend to add a little mental note that it doesn't have to be. I have an old-timer friend who thinks it best if this particular slogan isn't > read more

"Life Isn't Always Exciting"

Published on 2011-01-23 17:14:00

I'm having a cup of joe at my favorite coffee shop, sitting outside on the patio, and listening to my brain. I'm listening to the world around me, too. It's a Sunday afternoon. Traffic on the street is light. The occasional cyclist flows by. Music dr > read more

"No Frontsies"

Published on 2011-01-23 01:02:00

I’ve heard people in Recovery talk about the need to approach others with an unconditional positive regard. This subject (in a way) came up in my social psychology class this week. The class was talking about the movement in education and child-rea > read more

"Back At School"

Published on 2011-01-18 10:41:00

It's about 8:30 am. I'm back at school, starting today, with a full day ahead of me. It's the next step in the long-term goal of becomming a therapist. This semester it's three classes--Statistics, Social Psychology, and Issues of Diverse population > read more

“My God Does Not Have A Penis”

Published on 2011-01-15 13:26:00

Hehe. Yep, that really is my blog title for this entry.For those who don’t read this blog often enough to know, I am what some would describe as a hippie commie pinko liberal. Fortunately, my political beliefs have been tempered by a strong spiritu > read more

“Lil’ Pink Cloud”

Published on 2011-01-12 12:40:00

My sister likes this comic strip called ‘Mutts’. It’s about a pet dog and cat. I’ve seen it and I admit, it is pretty darn cute. One of the recurring themes in it is the cat’s favorite toy--a little pink sock. Maybe readers of the strip wil > read more

"Powerless vs. Powerful"

Published on 2011-01-09 15:45:00

A friend of mine has a great quote on their facebook page. It’s been around a while, and I’ve seen it before. It talks about how our deepest fear isn't that we aren’t good enough, but that we are in fact powerful beyond our wildest dreams. I’ > read more

"Different Truths"

Published on 2011-01-06 15:38:00

Yesterday, I was listening to a radio show. The guest was talking about different kinds of truths. One thing she said really struck me. I don't remember exactly how she put it, so I won't try to quote her, but she was saying that for artists the trut > read more

"Thoughts And Action"

Published on 2011-01-02 12:41:00

Happy new year, all, and welcome to 2011. It's kind of crazy to me, seeing those numbers clock over. It makes me think of that joke about how if this is the future, where's my flying car? I'm down in Pacific Grove this weekend, getting ready to play > read more