Blog Feed: The User Pool

5 Words to Use in Place of "Fag"

Published on 2011-11-10 18:27:41

This morning I sent an email to my boss Mulhausen about a big presentation we're doing in a couple of days. I asked if he wanted to set up an internal meeting to rehearse. His response: "Rehearsal is for fags." He copied my entire staff. Apparently someone got offended and forwarded the email to Human Resources, who immediately reprimanded Mulhausen for using the term "fags" to refer to homosexuals. He responded by saying that he wasn't referring to homosexuals, only to people who rehearse. Ne [..] > read more

Hmmm.

Published on 2011-09-07 13:03:11

I should write something new... > read more

Tabbatha

Published on 2011-01-10 12:40:23

I had drinks with Tabbatha last Wednesday night because my dick told me that I should. My brain told me that I shouldn't, so I compromised by having drinks with her, but inviting my own cock block: Maharajapuram, my Inidan programming lead.  > read more

More Employee Relations

Published on 2011-01-05 19:49:11

I was all prepared today to come up with an excuse not to have drinks with Tabbatha tonight. In fact, I came up with a whole list to choose from: Sick grandmother (oldie but a goody) Smithee, my imaginary boss, is making me work late I wa > read more

Employee Relations

Published on 2011-01-03 14:57:35

What's worse than having sex with someone who works for you? Having sex with two people who work for you. It's not an ethical issue (for me); it's a question of complication. It's complicated enough having sex with the Users. Knipples stil > read more

3 Last Plagues for HR

Published on 2010-11-22 13:45:50

After the first 4 plagues on HR a couple of weeks ago, Triplet, the VP of HR, accused me of being the perpetrator of those plagues. Pangbourn, the executive sponsor of the Emergency Response Team, told Triplet that I could not possibly be the pe > read more

7 Plagues for Human Resources

Published on 2010-11-14 15:19:47

Last week was the last straw for Human Resources. First they made me take down the "666" office number I had put up, and now they won't approve me putting "Antichrist" on my business cards. How ridiculous. Other run-ins with HR, just to ci > read more

Dysfunctional Relationship Management

Published on 2010-09-02 15:05:37

I'm convinced that a good relationship boils down to the number of stories you have to exchange. Once you run out of stories to tell each other or begin repeating stories, the relationship is over. Then you become that couple sitting at dinner who d > read more

Sexolepsy

Published on 2010-08-05 14:20:23

It's never a good idea to have sex with someone who works for you. Which is why I never hire hot women. Not that there's an over abundance of hot women in the field of technology, but you do occasionally come across a candidate that do > read more

E&Y Has T&A

Published on 2010-06-21 18:53:49

Ernst & Young auditors have learned that the more tits and ass they bring to a meeting with me, the less difficult I'll be. The less tits and ass they bring, the more difficult I'll be. And with no tits and ass, it will be absolutely impossi > read more