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Life's a Beach
Published on 2010-08-23 14:46:00
Darlings! I can't believe it's been weeks since I've kvetched in this here space. But I am now in one of the most dangerous capitals of the world, basically crapping my pants every time I venture out. There is certainly a lot to be enjoyed in Caracas, except every time you set out to do it, you fear for your life.The weather is magnificent. The fruit juices are sublime. The food is great. The city is in a beautiful, lush place, surrounded by the greenest tropical mountains. Magnificent Arepa go
Poor Tourists Part II
Published on 2010-08-16 08:27:00
Thanks to my friend Cynthia, who misses NYC so much she is now reading the New York Post, here is a lovely breakdown of everything that drives New Yorkers crazy.I agree with all of them, and then some. Here's my own abridged breakdown:1. Street Fairs. I loathe them. They sell the same awful shit all over town, they create traffic and they leave garbage. Speaking of garbage, why is this city so goddamned filthy? 2. Honkers. Why this is not on the list is beyond me. People who honk should be paral
Stupid is Winning
Published on 2010-08-14 20:33:00
During the Bush years one marvelled at the cornucopia of stupidity we had to deal with for eight years, but now it seems to have gotten much worse. Now that the stupids don't have their man in the White House, they are really going above and beyond what is considered reasonable in terms of idiocy. It's getting out of hand.The Mosque thing. All over America. Listen, I'm not a cheerleader for Islam, but this latest regression to idiotic prejudice is appalling. And it seems to be dangerously contag
Fly the Friendly Skies
Published on 2010-08-09 22:53:00
As if. These days, air travel has become a humiliating nuisance for absolutely everybody: crews, passengers, geese, you name it. This is perhaps the one turn of events that can be blamed squarely both on the Republicans and Jihad.Screw them both.Me? I hate all of it. From arriving at the airport to leaving it, with the flying in between. I hate the airlines and the passengers pretty much equally. My biggest pet peeve among millions of them is the shoe thing. The removal of the shoes in the secur
Lebanon
Published on 2010-08-05 18:15:00
This Israeli movie, who won the golden Lion in Venice this year, is a faithful recreation of what it feels like to be inside a tank, inside a war. When I heard the premise, I didn't think it could work. The claustrophobia would be untenable. But somehow first time director Samuel Maoz and his cameraman have achieved an amazing film that feels claustrophobic and is tough to sit through but it isn't torture. It's a deeply humane film.Maoz's achievement, which is based on his personal experience as
Memo to Manhattan District Attorney:
Published on 2010-08-05 16:04:00
You better prosecute this bitch.Otherwise, I will call for a massive rampage of shoplifting at Sephora, since they are so very forgiving. I posed this splendid idea to my fellow blogger Laura Martinez, but as she wisely pointed out, if she or I attempt to shoplift $100 worth of beauty goodies, we're as good as deported and wearing pink boxers chez Sheriff Arpaio. (Actually, not me cause ich bin ein American). But maybe Laura and any other girls without the right papers, complexions, connec
My 2 Cents on The Mosque
Published on 2010-08-04 08:26:00
At first, when I heard somebody wanted to build a Mosque near Ground Zero, I thought, like I assume most everybody: why pinkt there, of all places? But now that it looks like it's going to happen, and after learning that it is not going to be the headquarters for Al Qaeda or the Taliban, as some people seem to think, I say why not? It's gonna have a swimming pool, for crying out loud, how fundamentalist could it be? We have been complaining since that terrible day that there haven't been e
Phil Kelly
Published on 2010-08-02 11:54:00
Amarillo AnáhuacI'm very sad to learn that my friend Phil Kelly passed away last night in Mexico City, the city he loved and that loved him back. Phil, who was originally from Ireland, painted his adopted city with wit and verve. Not many local painters train their eyes on the urban jumble that is Mexico City; not many people can see the beauty beneath the grime, but Phil did. He could look at its ugliest buildings, its most impossibly trafficked intersections, its mustiest cantinas, and
Poor Tourists!
Published on 2010-08-01 10:59:00
New Yorkers, we love to dump on tourists. They don't know how to walk, dress or eat. Couldn't tell a tourist trap if it bit them in the ass, etc, etc.But what happens when tourists come to see you and you have to shpatzir them around town? You become sort of a tourist yourself. Let me tell you a little story:On Thursday I met my friend Esther and her lovely 13 year old son, Benjamin, who were visiting from Mexico. They wanted to see the Meatpacking district. We went up to the High Line, had shav
Inception
Published on 2010-07-31 18:51:00
...aka Deception, starring Leonardo DiCrapio.Let me put it this way, it takes a lot to make me leave a movie theater before the end of a film. I wished we were at an episode of Mystery Science 3000 so we could just comment loudly to abate the excruciating boredom and the narrative incoherence of the proceedings.We were far more entertained by a lady who arrived late and sat in our row. So putrid was her body odor that even moving several seats away didn't stem the stink. We had to hold chewing g
Israel
Published on 2010-07-30 11:54:00
The Holy Places of Judyism
Published on 2010-07-29 10:05:00
Eden. The first movie theater in Tel Aviv. Kibutz Yakum. Where Judyism came of age. The pool at Yakum.Rotunda established by our forefathers Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme (!) at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem.Building 8: English Lit and other treasures of higher learning.Oh boy. The Frank Sinatra building and the Nancy Reagan Plaza. Mahane Yehuda. The Israel Cinematheque. Where I received The Decalogue (from Kiesl
Dogtooth
Published on 2010-07-26 08:26:00
Forget about Inception. The most strikingly original film now showing at a theater near you (Cinema Village, if you live in NYC) is this Greek movie, which won the Un Certain Regard prize at Cannes this year. It is a cruel, yet morbidly entertaining little fable about mind control. I don't want to say much about the plot, so you will be as startled as I should have been had I not read all of Anthony Lane's review (still, had I not read the review at all, I wouldn't have known about this movie, b
Salt
Published on 2010-07-24 09:34:00
So many questions to ask.1. When the excellent cast (Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Elijofor, Daniel fucking Olbrychski, from all those great Wajda films) of this dreadful movie read the script, did they just skip to their speaking lines, or did they realize they were going to be in a Waring Blender for 2 hours?2. Was there a story in there somewhere that was left in the cutting room floor, or was it always mindnumbing, badly staged chases and violence?3. Who absconded with the story? And the sense of
I'm Not Making This Up
Published on 2010-07-22 19:18:00
From the catalogue of a spiritual retreat in upstate NY which shall remain nameless:• Wild Roots, Woodslore and Wildwoods Wisdom -- WHERE'S THE BAR?• TangoZen™: Tango with the Buddha -- ISN'T THE BUDDHA TOO FAT TO TANGO? • Dance of Liberation® • Boot Camp for Goddesses® -- EUPHEMISM FOR FAT FARM?• Overcoming Underearning® -- BY OVERPAYING THE UNDERMINER. • Naam Yoga™ and Universal Kabbalah -- DO WE GET TO COMMUNE WITH ESTHER? • Detox Flow® Yoga• Yoga Tune Up®• Pu
Aqaba Acabó Conmigo
Published on 2010-07-21 12:04:00
A little play on words in Spanish between Aqaba and the Spanish verb "acabar" that means "to end or finish". Aqaba finished me.We went there to avoid the tacky crassness and the expense of Eilat, the Israeli town that is right on the opposite shore of the Red Sea. I have never liked Eilat, which is like Acapulco but without the beautiful bay. Vulgar, overdeveloped, noisy, obnoxious (and full of Israelis). So since there were scuba diving and snorkeling to be attempted, I thought, why not do it i
I Am Love
Published on 2010-07-20 11:00:00
I love Tilda Swinton, who with this movie becomes the actress who is best at having amazing scenes while sitting in the loo. She won an Oscar for her scene in the loo in Michael Clayton, and in this Italian movie she has another beautiful scene, as we say in Mexico, where the queen goes alone. She is gorgeous and elegant but not even her presence can save this movie from being an arty mess.I love grand family melodramas, especially if they happen in Europe, where there is old money, histor
The Jewish Quarter
Published on 2010-07-19 15:34:00
To go into the Jewish Quarter, you also need to go through a metal detector and a bag inspection. You emerge into a plaza where right in front of you stands the Wailing Wall, the most sacred place of Judaism. A little piece of wall. People write little pieces of paper with prayers and wishes because supposedly this is the place where the Schechinah, the female spirit of God, rests and it is therefore possible that the wishes will be granted. Having nothing to lose, I scribbled "peace" (and healt
Atheism vs Theocracy: Round 1.
Published on 2010-07-19 12:05:00
I was shocked to find so many more religious Jews in Jerusalem, and in Israel in general than when I left almost 30 years ago. Oodles of orthodox and ultra-orthodox, which are not very tolerant people.But I have news for them. I am not tolerant of them either. I could give a shit about their delusional holiness. And I'm tired of secular Jews giving them the widest berth. They don't deserve it. And this unrequited respect secular Jews have for these people is going to come back and bite us in the
Come with me to the Casbah
Published on 2010-07-19 11:08:00
The Souk in Jerusalem's Old City. Incenses. Thank God for the profane.
The Muslim Quarter
Published on 2010-07-19 10:40:00
The Old City is mostly Muslim with the great Arab souk traversing all the quarters. Groups of Christian pilgrims break into religious songs on its streets, thinking that they are actually treading on holy land, despite the fact that the Old City is not a dead ancient relic but a bustling marketplace where people actually work and live. I saw a selfrighteous pilgrim lady ask some Arab boys to pipe down because her group was singing a psalm in the middle of the street. The boys totally and rightly
Postcards from the Edge...
Published on 2010-07-19 09:37:00
...of reason. Welcome to the Old City of Jerusalem.We are staying in East Jerusalem at the fabled American Colony hotel. A place where the guests are mostly UN personnel, journalists and diplomats. Each morning we see dozens of men in suits and briefcases with a demeanor of grave importance having breakfast in the courtyard. After the umpteenth early morning mystery briefcase, I wonder when and if whatever important papers are in there are ever going to do anything towards solving the prob
Lead Me Not Into Temptation
Published on 2010-07-18 10:56:00
Bagalehs, they call them.
Food Fetish
Published on 2010-07-18 09:20:00
Middle Eastern food at Druze village, the Golan Heights. Tabouleh and Almond Mint Water at Suzannah, Tel Aviv. &nb
I know for sure when the Messiah is coming...
Published on 2010-07-18 07:59:00
...that will be precisely the day Israelis learn to stand in line without cutting in.So I advise all you evangelicals not to hold your breath. It ain't happening any time soon. I had forgotten how exhilarating and aggravating that little country is. As I posted before, it has changed quite a bit since I saw it last in 1988. But many of its idiosincracies remain firmly in place. Israeli culture is very strong. If you come from any country where communication is not necessarily done by means of ir