The Flamm

Ready for a demotion like yesterday

Published on 2012-02-12 15:10:00

Every week I am getting called in to work, on my day off or even worse having to work 2 shifts because my fucking assistant manager has turned into the flakiest motherfucker on earth and of course NO one else can ever cover. This whole fucking year just feels like one giant shift at work. I cannot wait for March 4th. It's going to be the longest 3 weeks of my life. So tired of this shit.

It's okay to not have all of the answers

Published on 2012-02-09 08:57:00

I am engrossed in the moment. I have so much going on and so little answers about everything. I don't know what the answers are. But, that's okay. Whether I like the answer or not it's going to happen. I need to be fine with that. Even people who seek the answers early or people who can't live not knowing what the future will bring cannot possibly know what life will bring their way. They are setting themselves up for failure and disappointment before they even begin. Why can't we accept what co

Weird posts lately

Published on 2012-02-07 09:42:00

On Friday, February 3rd, I asked my wife for a divorce. Hence the weird posts and the internal struggles I've been having. It's been a very long weekend after talking to her on Friday. A lot of ups and downs and ultimately, a lot of sadness. In my heart things are set in motion. I want a divorce. I am no longer in love with my wife. I haven't loved her for a very long time and in fact, I feel like I never was in love with her in the first place. There has been mention, mostly by her and her fami

Published on 2012-02-06 09:08:00

When your heart breaks your mind continues. The mind doesn't control anything but self opinion. The heart is hard when it needs to be in order for change it needs. The mind wanders around aimlessly wondering when it will be used again. These are matters need not concern the brain for the brain is untrustworthy. It makes decisions based upon want and safety rather than need and the need for a true life. The brain even tries to define a true life, but there is no need. The heart has told you what

Published on 2012-02-04 10:41:00

Awake in a daze. It's another day, but it's completely different. The days of the last 12 years is no longer reality. Today's day is different yet the same. My mind's in today but my heart stayed in yesterday. A new heart forms in it's place. A broken heart not ready to seize, but ready to yield. One day at a time, till the daze is gone. Planning for a new daze can wait another day.

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Published on 2012-02-03 09:05:00

My heart is turn; my eyes are glassy. My soul is ripped and tears are flowing. Where did it go/you know the answer. Time heals/time has made it worse. Long ago the answer was there. The time is right but never timed right. Struggle my heart. It means I'm alive. Awaken and worsen to one day feel the joy that has been missing since before you were willing to admit. I admit it now, but it doesn't ease anything. It's harder than could've been imagined. Lack of love doesn't mean you won't care. Fooli

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Published on 2012-02-02 14:19:00

God damn my obsessive nature and thoughts. I am tormented right now. Things are going well. Why want them well-er? Why keep pushing so hard? I can't stop thinking. I can't stop obsessing. Moments of glee are surrounded by hurried hope of passing of time. For the next glimpse or touch, I dwell upon it. It digs me deeper into the pool. There is nothing that can become but in knowing this I reach deeper still. I'm tortured by my own heart. A tale as old as time.

Somehow it all worked out

Published on 2012-01-28 12:51:00

Nerves are a wonderfully scary thing. Before the show last night, I was flippin out. I was worried about everything. I regretted the decision I made to start the show. It was crazy. I don't know who that person was, but shit was nuts. Once the show started it flew by. We were all pretty nervous the first showing and unfortunately, that came out in a couple of the sketches. But, by our 2nd show, you would've thought we were seasoned professionals. We were relaxed, laughing, dancing, and enjoying

Tomorrow I will do something I've always loved

Published on 2012-01-26 23:18:00

I grew up watching Saturday Night Live. I still love the show. I hate when I hear people say "they're not as good as (insert era you grew up in here)'s season, when x, y, and z was on the show." This season has been one of the best ever in my opinion. I also grew up watching In Living Color. That was probably THE most racist show since Color TV was created. But, I loved it. I love sketch comedy. I love Monty Python as well. Well, tomorrow, I will be putting on my 1st ever sketch comedy show. I a

Ready to move on

Published on 2012-01-24 09:50:00

I plan on spending most of the day today, looking for a new job. I think my job, for me, has run it's course. Before, I wanted a job that I could move up in and feel like I was important. I did that. Now, in my job I'm to a point where I don't want to move up any more and I even want less responsibility. Having other things in my life, that are more important to me, like comedy, has given me purpose. I don't need my job to fill that gap anymore. Now, I'd rather have the extra time I have to spen