The Adventures of Phillip Hitech

Anal Behaviour sweeps nation!

Published on 2007-11-17 15:14:00

Anal Behaviour is sweeping the nation! Anal Behaviour is a two man act hailing from the urban sprawl of Cockingham. With their trademark Words and Whistles, Anal Behaviour is proving popular amongst Sock Hoppers countrywide.Anal Behaviour formed and recorded their debut EP 'Cream Pie' following a hefty tiffin session during which several buns were heavily soiled. The sound of Anal Behaviour's debut has been described in the musical press as both 'painful' and 'deeply upsetting'. Band member, Ri

Boy George held over High Bummery charges.

Published on 2007-11-13 13:55:00

Boy George was today held on charges of High Bummery after he allegedly imprisoned a male escort. In his defence Boy George states that he did not hang the escort by a hook whilst he performed hideous vocal performances at him but simply, "nailed him to the wall".

Star of the Month: Jim Bowen!

Published on 2007-10-16 13:51:00

This month will be totally Super, Spastic, Japseye for those born within the influence of Jim Bowen. The 14th will bring fear and pain as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse decide to pop round for tea. Famine will bring along a splendid cake however. Typical Jim Bowenarians like the smell of burning fat and tasting the love. Medical complaints include, Myxomatosis, Hydrophones, Searing Cock Mustard and Mallards of the BumDrum.Your lucky number is: 180!!!Warning: Astromological readings provide

Dick Manly...On Point

Published on 2007-09-21 05:29:00

This week Dick Manly has been investigating the disturbing rise of sexual harassment in the workplace. Having based most of his research on websites such as 'Naughty Office' and 'Bang My Shenanigans, In The Orifice' we sent Dick to work undercover in an office. This report promises to expose the shocking abuse of males by often fuck-ugly women.All names in this report have been censored. Monday 5th, 09.05hrs: My first day at Spud-U-Mong head office. I am greeted by a woman called ****. She makes

Star of the month: Dave Dickinson!

Published on 2007-09-12 10:10:00

There is trouble afoot for those born within the influence of Dave Dickinson. On the 15th you will be mistaken for a Mahogany table and sold at auction for a disappointing profit. Woodworm also feature heavily this month and you may find your legs become unusable due to rising damp on the 21st. A good polish up with some Mr Sheen will do you the world of good and may bring an unexpected love suprise from an oversexed pervert of some kind, possibly a tramp.Dave Dickinson is a wood sign and as suc

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Published on 2007-08-25 06:00:00

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Star of the month: Dolly Parton!

Published on 2007-08-03 13:36:00

Those born within the influence of Dolly Parton will find that working 9 to 5 is no longer an option following lengthy leg surgery to correct a lazy Hambone.On the 11th you will discover that Mexico is a place and not, as previously believed, a person. This will cause a stirring within the Geographic community and may result in your total and absolute alienation from human society. Not to worry however as there remains many other societies you can join, including Otter, Ant and Trout.Beware of V

The Phillip Hitech theme tune

Published on 2007-07-17 06:24:00

After losing several fingers and a small portion of my bell end in the tape machine, the Phillip Hitech theme tune is once again working. Just press play. Enjoy the aural sensations created by the mysterious Son of Spam.

Star of the Month: Tori Spelling!

Published on 2007-07-16 03:50:00

Those born within the influence of Tori Spelling will find that despite lack of talent, looks and full brain function; they will star in several low grade movies this month.On the 23rd you will be asked to play the part of Fanny Rumble in a low budget Bongo Movie entitled 'My Deluxe Ass 17'. It is advisable you take this offer up. The film quality will be fuzzy and possibly filmed on some bloke's mobile and you will gain a free apple.All Tori Spelling-aurians will find they have the uncanny abi

The Secret Diary of Flid Boy. An everyday superhero

Published on 2007-07-07 06:01:00

My name is Derek but everyone calls me Flid Boy and I need operations.A new boy started in our class yesterday. His name is Jib Jab and he comes from PacManistan. He likes to piss in a bucket and has never touched a biscuit. He wears a big fuck off hat and sandals. Miss Hindley, our religious education teacher, says Jib Jab worships Harry Seacombe, though I think He was having a laugh when He created Jib Jab.Father Callaghan has invented a new way of predicting the weather, by sticking his finge