StupidTips

Prison Vs Work

Published on 2009-04-17 11:35:01

IN PRISONyou spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORKyou spend most of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISONyou get three meals a day FREE AT WORKyou only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it yourself. IN PRISONyou get time off for good behaviour. AT WORKyou get rewarded for good behavior with more WORK. IN PRISONa guard locks and unlocks the doors for you. AT WORKyou must carry around a security card and unlock open all the doors yourself. IN PRISONyou can wat

Signalman job interview

Published on 2009-04-16 11:33:01

Andy wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. The inspector asked him this question: "What would you do if you saw 2 trains heading for each other on the SAME track? Andy said," I would switch the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?", asked the inspector. "Then I'd dash down to the signal box", said Andy. "And use the manual lever there." "What if lightning struck it?' asked the inspector. "Then..." Andy continued, "I'd run back into signal box and phone the next s

The FBI interview

Published on 2009-04-15 11:33:01

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun." The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, "Sorry, I can't do it." The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out.

Interpreting Employment Ads

Published on 2009-04-14 11:31:00

"Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you. "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up. "Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day. "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend. "Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around. "Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no qu

Engineer in an interview

Published on 2009-04-13 11:31:01

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Eng

Little heart

Published on 2009-04-12 11:29:01

Little Johnny was attending his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag. "When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart." Little Johnny r

Infant questions

Published on 2009-04-11 11:28:00

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She answered, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"

Little minds - pool of doubts

Published on 2009-04-10 11:26:00

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Kids in school think quick

Published on 2009-04-09 11:27:01

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;

Help in homework

Published on 2009-04-08 11:24:00

Son: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight? Father: No, son, it wouldn't be right. Son: Well, you could try.