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Here and now
Published on 2011-03-27 11:45:30
Recently I’ve had sort of an epiphany about the whole idea of mindfulness. It’s something I’ve really struggled with in the past – that trying to stay in the moment thing – and I kept hoping that by practice or by shee > read more
Plateaued
Published on 2011-03-21 18:29:07
I made the decision to discontinue EMDR. I felt like I just plateaued with it. It got to the point where I left there every week thinking that I didn’t come out of there with anything new. It’s definitely no offense to the therapist, I > read more
The Truth
Published on 2011-03-19 16:23:24
It’s kind of hard to say how I’ve been feeling lately. Obviously the thing with my sister has thrown me for a loop, but not to the extent I thought it would have. A year ago news like I received last week would have thrown me right ov > read more
Self-preservation
Published on 2011-03-14 08:50:02
I just don’t know what to do. My sister is in such a horrible situation and I can see it spiraling out of control and it’s like no one is doing anything about it. My parents are taking the “let go and let God” route, and whi > read more
Rough couple of days
Published on 2011-03-11 08:24:59
Be prepared for this post to be all over the place. I’m having a rough time right now. My mom called me on Wednesday and asked if I could meet her for coffee Thursday morning. I just knew something was up at that point. So I met her for > read more
Sick and tired
Published on 2011-03-09 08:15:13
Sorry that it’s been about a week since I posted last. I’m having myself a little bit of a pity party. I’m just tired of the whole mental illness thing that I have going on. I just want to be normal. I’m sick of the meds, > read more
Med Update
Published on 2011-03-03 06:57:56
Nothing new to report on the mental health front. Although, I did switch back to Prozac from Zoloft last week. I had told my psychiatric nurse practitioner that I had put on almost 15 lbs since last June, which for me is a lot of weight. She said > read more
Great book
Published on 2011-03-01 08:48:21
I’m reading this great book right now. It’s called Why Am I Still Depressed? Recognizing and Managing the Ups and Downs of Bipolar II and Soft Bipolar Disorder by James R. Phelps. It talks about Bipolar II, what it means, the varying de > read more
Book Review – Yesterday, I Cried
Published on 2011-02-27 12:05:59
Yesterday, I Cried : Celebrating the Lessons of Living and Loving by Iyanla Vanzant My rating: 4 of 5 stars This book was about a woman’s journey from her past self, “Rhonda,” to a more authentic, whole self, “Iyanla.” W > read more
List of Fives – Shame Based Experiences
Published on 2011-02-26 12:18:42
Continued from here. This one is going to be really hard for me. I don’t even know what to write. I can think of a few things but they’re extremely embarrassing and even though I write under a pseudonym, I don’t feel comfortable > read more
List of Fives – Five Losses
Published on 2011-02-24 08:27:04
Continued from here. Five Losses 1. Loss of trust. In my family, it was every man for himself. Which meant there was a lot of lying and throwing others under the bus. I’m trying really hard to climb my way out of that hole and start telli > read more
Taboo
Published on 2011-02-21 07:26:37
I’m going to talk about a taboo subject today. And the mothers out there will secretly agree with me, but few will actually admit that they feel the same way at times. Motherhood isn’t always such a walk in the park. Sometimes I just > read more
List of Fives – Five Fears
Published on 2011-02-18 17:51:30
Continued from here. I’m not sure what to write for my “Five Losses,” so for now I’ll skip ahead to my “Five Fears” while I wait to receive an email back from my EMDR therapist. Five Fears 1. Fear of death – > read more
List of Fives: Five Traumas
Published on 2011-02-17 14:55:39
This is another assignment that my EMDR therapist gave me that will hopefully help me create some “target areas” to work on when we really start doing the EMDR work. The goal is to come up with five items in each of these categories: Fi > read more
Attachment-Focused History, Part 2
Published on 2011-02-16 08:23:21
Continued from this post. Could you tell me about separations from your parents? Did you ever stay with another family for an extended period while your parents were away or otherwise unable to care for you? No. Were you hospitalized as a child? Was > read more
Attachment-Focused History, part 1
Published on 2011-02-14 15:42:38
My EMDR therapist gave me this assignment this week and I figured I’d type it out here and then copy it over because I have better luck typing than writing it out. I can type faster, first of all, and second, I can go back and change things, > read more
Thoughtful Thursday
Published on 2011-02-10 17:18:16
Today my therapist helped me work out why I was so down yesterday. A couple of weeks ago, my mom sent me a really nice card in the mail and since then I’ve been playing around with the idea of reconciling with her. Part of my recovery dictate > read more
Having a bad day
Published on 2011-02-09 16:55:40
Warning: I feel like I can’t even put together a coherent thought today. Read at your own risk. Feeling pretty low today for some reason. Not sure why. All I know is that I hate feeling like this. That kind of unknown funk that I deal with > read more
Book Review – Eat, Pray, Love
Published on 2011-02-07 09:40:21
Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert My rating: 4 of 5 stars This book had three main parts to it: Italy, India and Indonesia (specifically Bali). I thoroughly enjoyed parts o > read more
Thoughtful Thursday
Published on 2011-02-03 18:59:37
We talked today about two different people can feel loved in very different ways. She used an example from a case she had a few years back where the man said he showed his wife he loved her by scrubbing the kitchen floor. She couldn’t care > read more
This too shall pass
Published on 2011-02-02 19:52:04
I’m coming up on the one year anniversary of this blog. And as I reflect on the last year, where I am now and where I was coming from then, the saying that comes to mind is, “This too shall pass,” as cliche as that may sound. If y > read more
What is
Published on 2011-01-30 17:48:57
“In order to get from what was to what will be, you must go through what is.” ~ Anonymous What a delicious quote! I let the words roll over my tongue and savored the taste of them in my mind. I love this quote. I really focused on the m > read more
Fate
Published on 2011-01-26 18:10:29
Do you believe in fate? I’m starting to. Over the past year I’ve struggled mightily with the idea of a higher power. How could there be a God when I was in so much pain and felt so completely alone? One thing I realizing with my r > read more
Selfish
Published on 2011-01-24 09:46:15
Am I stuck in my own self-pity? Am I wallowing in it? This is something that has been bothering me for a while now. My husband made a comment recently that I’m being selfish… that I’m so deeply sunk in feeling bad for myself tha > read more
Fear
Published on 2011-01-22 20:02:01
I’ve been thinking these last couple of days about something that my primary therapist and my EMDR therapist both said to me this week. They said that the “issues” I carry around with me have as much to do with traumatic things I > read more
Fear
Published on 2011-01-22 20:02:01
I’ve been thinking these last couple of days about something that my primary therapist and my EMDR therapist both said to me this week. They said that the “issues” I carry around with me have as much to do with traumatic things I > read more
Disconnect
Published on 2011-01-19 18:26:00
I spoke to my EMDR therapist today about my problem of being disconnected from my feelings. She explained that it’s a defense mechanism. When something really traumatic happens in your past, you tend to disconnect from the feeling associated wi > read more
Reflections of Motherhood
Published on 2011-01-18 15:10:53
This has always been one of my favorite YouTube videos: What would I say? Choose your battles Be kind to yourself Your kids will love you anyway Love is unconditional Everything you thought you knew – throw it out the window Make up the rules a > read more
Published on 2011-01-17 07:36:59
Yeah, I know… it’s not the 14th anymore. But I saw this on MajorBedhead and thought it might be fun. So post a comment (or two) and let me know you’ve been reading along. Share this on Facebook Email this to a friend? Tweet This > read more
Feeling
Published on 2011-01-16 07:00:16
Here’s something that I have to confess: I don’t know how to feel. Let me clarify… I don’t know how to feel. I can tell you how I’m supposed to feel at any given moment. And if it’s a really intense feeling i > read more
Thoughtful Thursday
Published on 2011-01-13 13:17:00
Today was the first day I’ve had regular counseling in a little over a month. Not because I particularly wanted the break, but because circumstances beyond our control (snowstorms, vacations, the holidays) made it impossible. It was really > read more
No, I’m not going to “get over it”
Published on 2011-01-11 09:04:21
I know I just recently wrote about something like this, but I’m not done. A well-intentioned relative and I were talking this weekend and she knows about my struggles with depression and the meds I’m taking for depression and bipolar. W > read more
Guest posts?
Published on 2011-01-05 09:28:48
Here’s an idea I’ve been playing around with. Someone sent me an email yesterday asking for advice and it got me thinking: What about doing an anonymous guest post day on a weekly basis (if I get enough interest)? People could write a > read more
I just want to forget
Published on 2011-01-04 15:30:10
On a message board I belong to, a woman started a thread called “do you remember your first kiss?” Unfortunately, I do. The thread reminded me once again that I won’t ever be normal. I can’t even pretend to be normal anymo > read more
Just another manic Monday.
Published on 2011-01-03 15:35:45
Get it? Manic? As in… Bipolar. Get it?? Ha! Ahem. Anyway… I had another appointment today with my PNP and I figured I’d update since I haven’t written about it in a while. I make note of these things so that not only will I ha > read more
test
Published on 2011-01-02 11:33:02
testing ontoplist twitter feed. > read more
It’s a thing called empathy
Published on 2011-01-01 17:55:27
I’ve been dwelling over this for a couple of days now and I just feel like I have to add my two cents in, for what it’s worth. It’s regarding this tweet posted on December 30th: @TheDailyLove: Depression exists in selfish people. St > read more
The Obligatory End-of-the-year Post
Published on 2010-12-30 16:10:33
I’m trying to sum up the last year in my mind and the first thing that comes to mind is: GOOD RIDDANCE (caps intended). Sure it’s been a year of tremendous personal growth and discovery, but it’s also been a year of great pain. It&# > read more
Just another emotional session
Published on 2010-12-29 16:32:26
What’s with the emotional therapy appointments all of a sudden? I never used to really cry at therapy, I actually hate crying in front of people so usually I manage to keep my emotions in check. But two weeks in a row I’ve cried in sessio > read more
Chagrined
Published on 2010-12-28 19:10:05
As you can see I changed blog platforms… and I have to admit I’m feeling a little chagrined. You see, I have those popular posts listed over there to the right and the “Why happy mom blogs make me sick” is staring me right in > read more
It’s my fault
Published on 2010-12-24 07:03:00
I realized something yesterday at couple’s therapy (which ended up being a highly emotional meeting for me because of the realization). As much as the medication is regulating my moods and bringing me out of a severe depression, as much a > read more
My Christmas Wish List
Published on 2010-12-23 07:25:00
Christmas has historically been a hard time for me. I used to be such and idealist about the holiday. One year I tried to save up all my change so that I could get my little sister one of those play kitchens. Half way through the ye > read more
My own affirmations
Published on 2010-12-22 10:59:00
I have power. I am in control over my own life. I am a grown woman who can take care of herself. I am capable. I can trust my instincts. I have feelings. It is my choice to confront my past mistakes or let them go. > read more
Tough Decisions
Published on 2010-12-16 14:20:00
Recently my husband was offered a position in… let’s just say a “warmer state.” We have about a month to decide. We haven’t even told anyone yet because we’re not sure we’re going to actually accept and > read more
Comments
Published on 2010-12-15 08:29:00
Just a quick post to note that I realized my comments section (disqus) wasn’t working and I fixed it. At least I hope so. LOL So comment away! I always love hearing from you. > read more