Blog Feed: My name is Falton Carr, Jr. This is my life.
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You're Not Here, You're Not There.
Published on 2012-10-19 16:52:00
You're not here, you're not there. You don't want to side with anyone. You don't want to get involved. The world is full of people who stand for what and who they believe in. Why would YOU get to just sit in the middle? Pfft. There's no such thing as a friend who adores your enemy. Not here. If you're not an Us, you're a Them. Choose a side. Or one will be chosen for you. (Tip? I'd go with the minority. The underdog. They almost never throw the first punches, they tend to stick with you [..]
We Are Not Without
Published on 2012-10-19 03:50:00
To rest your head against mine, just to give me the trade of your warmth. To brush the tip of my fingers across the sensitive curve of your shoulder, just for the benefit of your start. To lay your lips below my palm on the full of my stretched wrist, just for the gift of my bearing. To run my tongue along the rim of your ear, just for the thrill of your intake. We are not without our charges.
Realize What I'm Missing
Published on 2012-10-11 11:31:00
I don't take the advice to appreciate what I've got too often. Mostly because, besides love, nothing can named off that isn't material. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not materialistic. Things come, things go. You don't truly take anything with you, and I'm the type who can still find home in the streets. Yes. The beach is beautiful. I wish that I could find a nice Blues guitarist in Southern California to play music on it with me, though.I don't realize what I've got.You don't realize w [..]
Love, A Taste of Your Own Medicine.
Published on 2012-09-26 16:16:00
Dear Someone Specific, When you write vague, passive-aggressive Facebook statuses and Tweets, you're usually writing about someone specific. Sometimes, you want them to see it. Sometimes, you want a friend of theirs to see it, and carry the message to 'em. You want to make your opinion known, whether you've been asked for it or not. Most of the time, it's about a situation that concerns you directly. Other times, it's in response to something that truly doesn't affect you. You'd have a [..]
They Calls Me Rainmaker
Published on 2012-09-13 17:29:00
I can bring the rain. Frost your fever with a drag of my fingers. I can roll your temperature up like putty, and lay it here on this dresser. Let me touch my cool, sweet brow to your lap. They calls me Rainmaker. I can bring you shade.My pantry swells with powders and stones. Take a sip of this here, and tell me you don't feel the cool to your toes. I can break a cloud apart with a whistle and a call. For you. Ice for every sin you whisper to me. They calls me Rainmaker. I can bring you s [..]
As Soft As Petals
Published on 2012-09-13 02:38:00
The pattern has been this: I get mad. I hold a grudge. I lose a friend.So far, it's worked for me. Bruises healed. Life moved on.But this one doesn't feel right.One thing that I've learned from my father's death? Handle your business like a man -- even if that means being as soft as petals. Because you never know if you'll get another chance to say what you really feel.I couldn't tell my dad how much I adored him until he was on his death bed.I'm not going to spend one more minute living that wa [..]
I Think That It's Time For Me To Get Up Now
Published on 2012-09-06 12:04:00
I think that it's time for me to get up now.Make no mistake, ya'll. I've been hiding behind my sense of humor and prose-y stories, but I've been sleeping.I've been letting my demons weigh me down ever since I moved to Southern California.Rough last year and a half for me.I wasn't in a very good place in Sacramento. My parents were at odds, my brother was distant, my friends were MIA and my enemies were winning. I thought that moving to San Diego would be a whole new start from me. But you can't [..]
Of Nightmares & Oysters
Published on 2012-09-05 17:01:00
We Always Meet Here, At This Place
Published on 2012-08-29 06:42:00
We always meet here, at this place, on our 21st birthdays.The last time, we were the son of an English diplomat and the daughter of a Spanish laundry woman. The time before that, we were a French movie star and a famous American Black boxer.Our luckiest lifetimes have always put us together. Once, we were both American soldiers in the Civil War. Another time, we were both Russian seamstresses who grew up only doors away from one another.Sometimes, we leave the other early. I've fallen to poxes a [..]
If I Were To Write About A Lover With Bright Red Hair...
Published on 2012-08-24 20:42:00
We Rehearse His Songs
Published on 2012-08-16 12:32:00
I put out an ad for a Blues guitarist.A guitarist responds to it. I direct him to my "Rebel Yells (And Other Tales)" EP online. He likes my voice. I meet with the guitarist, and he has a whole new plan: he wants to start an R&B/Funk band as a side project to his established Spanish band. He thinks that my voice is perfect for it. I'm reluctant because I'd clearly said "Blues" in my ad. But he's interested, and I think that it can't hurt to give it a shot. He tells me that if I collaborate with h [..]
(jay's voice.)
Published on 2012-08-11 16:56:00
It's About Time That People Got Hot
Published on 2012-07-31 21:13:00
And I was just saying on my Twitter account last night that it's about time that people got hot again.Hot in all the ways it's good to get hot.This world's cooled down quite a bit. Some of that's been good. But most of it?I didn't realize how badly I'd been affected until recently. I'd allowed this guy on my Facebook account who started making some really horrible, unfunny gay jokes on my Wall. My friends got all upset. Like, majorly. But I found that I couldn't feel it.See, I'd been called a "n [..]
Johnny Is In Your Hands
Published on 2012-07-20 18:40:00
You ever read those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books as a kid? You're given a story with a main character who's actions you get to choose. Like, if you want Johnny to open the treasure chest, you turn to Page 48. If you want him to leave it alone, you turn to Page 21. Johnny is in your hands. You control what you want him to do. The book is yours, the story is yours. It's all in your hands.I think that being able to invest and interact with people online makes some feel like they're reading one [..]
Charming (Short Story)
Published on 2012-05-18 21:37:00
Once upon a time, in a beautiful and magical land...a Prince had to kiss a girl.Have. I have to kiss a girl.It's my talent, my magic. Long story.When my mother was a young Princess, she saved a forest fairy from a hungry lion.Not that long a story, apparently.The fairy promised to return the favor by giving a special gift to her firstborn son. That would be...me.
Twenty Things That I Should've Said
Published on 2012-04-15 20:32:00
"All of this? Cussing me out in public, embarrassing me in public? I think I'm cool, man. I'm done.""Yeah, I'm gay. Why? You want your balls licked?""You two are constantly and consistently the ONLY ones bringing this cat into my life. If you go, he goes. So, no hard feelings, no more trash talk. Hope he proves to be worth it. Take care, now.""You're absolutely right. I'll work on that.""You know what sucks? I really liked you. You know what sucks more? You're going to go to grave with that lie [..]
Gumbo Is Never Made For Two
Published on 2012-04-04 21:21:00
You start it all with bacon grease. Bacon grease can be used for a lot of things: flavoring apples, frying eggs, potatoes, green tomatoes. Cut it with flour? You can make yourself a nice little roux. Can't make no gumbo without no roux. Put it over heat in a big cast iron pot. Get it good and dark.I need my hands.I need 'em to write.I love my hands.But, I'd have no problem getting them dirty to lift a stranger up out of the mud.I'd use 'em to wash him clean, if he were soiled.I'd use 'em to pres [..]
Gumbo Is Never Made For Two
Published on 2012-04-04 21:21:00
You start it all with bacon grease. Bacon grease can be used for a lot of things: flavoring apples, frying eggs, potatoes, green tomatoes. Cut it with flour? You can make yourself a nice little roux. Can't make no gumbo without no roux. Put it over heat in a big cast iron pot. Get it good and dark.I need my hands.I need 'em to write.I love my hands.But, I'd have no problem getting them dirty to lift a stranger up out of the mud.I'd use 'em to wash him clean, if he were soiled.I'd use 'em to pres [..]
I Told His Sleeping Face Not To Leave Any Ghosts
Published on 2012-03-31 00:48:00
My father wasn't always nice, but I was always his.I was his favorite, they say.According to him, nothing could be done and no plans could be made without making sure that Lawrence Jr. was included. My father loved me. And I loved him.I just didn't realize how much until I saw him lying in that hospital bed.These are the things that I'll always remember about my father: He wore these gigantic cowboy hats. He maintained a thick-but-groomed moustache for most of my life. He drove with our things i [..]
I Told His Sleeping Face Not To Leave Any Ghosts
Published on 2012-03-31 00:48:00
My father wasn't always nice, but I was always his.I was his favorite, they say.According to him, nothing could be done and no plans could be made without making sure that Lawrence Jr. was included. My father loved me. And I loved him.I just didn't realize how much until I saw him lying in that hospital bed.These are the things that I'll always remember about my father: He wore these gigantic cowboy hats. He maintained a thick-but-groomed moustache for most of my life. He drove with our things i [..]
I Do What Pieces Do
Published on 2012-03-19 23:17:00
I get it now.My world is flat.I can see to the other end there.And I'm standing on a cardboard square with an arrow beneath my feet.I don't mean a thing.Just another piece.And so, I do what pieces do.Here we go:Roll the dice.Boyfriend gets promotion. Jump ahead 10.We move to San Diego. Jump ahead 5.Father gets more ill. Back 4.I was honest on my resume. Back 2.The San Diego Zoo. Jump ahead 4.I meet Marc Broussard. Jump ahead 7.I get a new dog. Jump ahead 5.We finally find a condo. Jump ahead 2.I [..]
I Do What Pieces Do
Published on 2012-03-19 23:17:00
I get it now.My world is flat.I can see to the other end there.And I'm standing on a cardboard square with an arrow beneath my feet.I don't mean a thing.Just another piece.And so, I do what pieces do.Here we go:Roll the dice.Boyfriend gets promotion. Jump ahead 10.We move to San Diego. Jump ahead 5.Father gets more ill. Back 4.I was honest on my resume. Back 2.The San Diego Zoo. Jump ahead 4.I meet Marc Broussard. Jump ahead 7.I get a new dog. Jump ahead 5.We finally find a condo. Jump ahead 2.I [..]
The Death of Christian St. Croix (A FAQ)
Published on 2012-03-16 00:09:00
Why did you change your name to "Falton Carr?"My legal name is Lawrence Falton Carr Jr. I'm not changing my name, I'm using my own.I changed it to "Christian" around '99/2000. Told myself at the time that it was to establish myself as a profressional performer. But I was also going through family issues at the time, and I didn't want to be a "Carr" any longer. Angry Rebel that I am, I made it possible.But now, my father's health has taken a serious turn for the worse. As the "Jr." indicates, I'm [..]
The Death of Christian St. Croix (A FAQ) -- UPDATED
Published on 2012-03-16 00:09:00
Why did you change your name to "Falton Carr, Jr.?"My legal name is Lawrence Falton Carr Jr. I'm not changing my name, I'm using my own.I changed it to "Christian" around '99/2000. Told myself at the time that it was to establish myself as a profressional performer. But I was also going through family issues at the time, and I didn't want to be a "Carr" any longer. Angry Rebel that I am, I made it possible.But now, my father's health has taken a serious turn for the worse. As the "Jr." indicates [..]
Kept
Published on 2012-03-02 19:10:00
I guess I should have been more specific when I made my wishes, huh?My life up until this exact moment has been an uncanny series of "Close, But No Cigar" moments. I don't know why it would have been easier just because I'm closer to the beach.Ah well.I need to find a job. Not necessarily because I need the money. But because this beautiful condo building grows out of the corner of a suburb, my boyfriend takes his car to work with him and there's not much by way of fun in comfortable walking dis [..]
Kept
Published on 2012-03-02 19:10:00
I guess I should have been more specific when I made my wishes, huh?My life up until this exact moment has been an uncanny series of "Close, But No Cigar" moments. I don't know why it would have been easier just because I'm closer to the beach.Ah well.I need to find a job. Not necessarily because I need the money. But because this beautiful condo building grows out of the corner of a suburb, my boyfriend takes his car to work with him and there's not much by way of fun in comfortable walking dis [..]
I Means To Tell You Straightfolk
Published on 2012-02-26 15:37:00
I means to tell you straightfolk that I's gon' be swimmin' in yo' straightsonly swimmin' pools an' drinkin' outta yo' straightsonly fount'nsan' swingin' in yo' straightsonly nightclubsan' I ain't gon' be lookin' 'round scared, neithuh.Ain't gon' have me worried 'bout no nooses 'round muh neck.Nossir.I means to tell you straightfolk that I ain't givin' up muh seat on the bus fo' no straightmanless'n he payin' muh rentless'n he buyin' muh milkless'n he do the same for mewhen muh legs be jam and mu [..]
I Means To Tell You Straightfolk
Published on 2012-02-26 15:37:00
I means to tell you straightfolk that I's gon' be swimmin' in yo' straightsonly swimmin' pools an' drinkin' outta yo' straightsonly fount'nsan' swingin' in yo' straightsonly nightclubsan' I ain't gon' be lookin' 'round scared, neithuh.Ain't gon' have me worried 'bout no nooses 'round muh neck.Nossir.I means to tell you straightfolk that I ain't givin' up muh seat on the bus fo' no straightmanless'n he payin' muh rentless'n he buyin' muh milkless'n he do the same for mewhen muh legs be jam and mu [..]
Jukejoint
Published on 2012-02-14 11:41:00
My lips on the mic, I close my eyes.And I smell swamp water and reefer, spilled beer and barbecue smoke.And I hear the high wail of a harmonica.Laughing. Clapping and stomping.Somebody done fell out, drunk.Somebody done lifted her skirt up.Two fools been kissing in the corner all night."She got some bigguns" I hear. "She say it's two dollars to touch 'em."Slim fingers picking at an old guitar.Someone's tickling the ivory. Last one's out of tune."Billy just walked in with a conk. He switchin'!""N [..]
Jukejoint
Published on 2012-02-14 11:41:00
My lips on the mic, I close my eyes.And I smell swamp water and reefer, spilled beer and barbecue smoke.And I hear the high wail of a harmonica.Laughing. Clapping and stomping.Somebody done fell out, drunk.Somebody done lifted her skirt up.Two fools been kissing in the corner all night."She got some bigguns" I hear. "She say it's two dollars to touch 'em."Slim fingers picking at an old guitar.Someone's tickling the ivory. Last one's out of tune."Billy just walked in with a conk. He switchin'!""N [..]
Mister
Published on 2012-02-03 20:46:00
Note: This is fiction....'n then, there you are.Eyes like the emeralds I see in books, 'n cut like so.Hair, short 'n close at the bend 'o your neck, givin' way to the colors 'n tangles 'o the sun.Your hands are hard and strong, from all o' the years 'o working on your papa's farm.But soft, when they touch me. You handle me like glass.You love me here, back between your legs, head on your chest.You touch your chin to the side o' my face, 'n let it rest there.Sometimes, we speak 'o things. Good th [..]
Mister
Published on 2012-02-03 20:46:00
Note: This is fiction....'n then, there you are.Eyes like the emeralds I see in books, 'n cut like so.Hair, short 'n close at the bend 'o your neck, givin' way to the colors 'n tangles 'o the sun.Your hands are hard and strong, from all o' the years 'o working on your papa's farm.But soft, when they touch me. You handle me like glass.You love me here, back between your legs, head on your chest.You touch your chin to the side o' my face, 'n let it rest there.Sometimes, we speak 'o things. Good th [..]
Everyday Homecoming Queens
Published on 2012-01-19 20:07:00
I hope your Hell is filled with magazines,and on every page, you see a big picture of me.And, under every picture, a caption should read:"Not bad for a girl from the gutter like me."- Kina It's been awhile since my world's spinned backwards. I'm not ashamed to say that I miss it a little bit. I don't live a life of anger or dysfunction anymore. I also don't live a life of music and dancing and that hard kind of passion. I'm starting to believe that they were all connected.Ah well.Looks like I'm [..]
Everyday Homecoming Queens
Published on 2012-01-19 20:07:00
I hope your Hell is filled with magazines,and on every page, you see a big picture of me.And, under every picture, a caption should read:"Not bad for a girl from the gutter like me."- Kina
Stripes
Published on 2012-01-05 20:29:00
Note: This is fiction.And I guess that's when I decided that you needed stripes.I brought in all of your father's half-full paint cans from the garage.Almost every color there.And the finger paints I'd put on top of the refrigerator.My nephew had left them the last time he'd visited.But there were no paintbrushesAnd so I made them.The barbecue basting brush you bought, but never used. Your sock with the holes in the toe, I taped it around a dying pencil.I broke a stem off of my aloe plant. I ask [..]
Stripes
Published on 2012-01-05 20:29:00
Note: This is fiction.And I guess that's when I decided that you needed stripes.I brought in all of your father's half-full paint cans from the garage.Almost every color there.And the finger paints I'd put on top of the refrigerator.My nephew had left them the last time he'd visited.But there were no paintbrushesAnd so I made them.The barbecue basting brush you bought, but never used. Your sock with the holes in the toe, I taped it around a dying pencil.I broke a stem off of my aloe plant. I ask [..]
"I Just Wanted To See If You've Really Changed."
Published on 2011-12-28 18:31:00
That's what the bartender said to me last Thursday.A friend had bought me a drink, and the bartender -- this guy who used to be my friend -- had set a Coke chaser to go along with it.I asked the buying friend why there was a Coke chaser. I don't drink chasers with my shots. The bartender -- my ex-friend -- decided to answer for him, and said:"I just wanted to see if you've really changed."Already fucking with me, and I hadn't been in town even two hours.I guess I can see why he thought I hadn't [..]
Every Year Since (Short Story)
Published on 2011-10-31 06:17:00
Hey, party people. I decided to write a little sum'n for Halloween. It's not my best, I pulled it out of my ass, but whatevs. Give it a read, lemme know what you think. Back to my regularly scheduled bullshit by next post.And here, they dance in the Mexican desert.Bodies twisting, limbs askew. Some, detached.They were beautiful because they were horrible.Monsters with scales, creatures with skin falling off of their bones. Witches with hard, orange skin and wolves in vests, standing on their hin [..]
Christian, Before (Or, "Be The Hero")
Published on 2011-10-12 04:33:00
"Be the hero."I used to say that all the time.Don't know why I just thought of that."Be the hero" and "Just wait and see."It wasn't that long ago. Almost a year or so.I remember that Christian.The Christian Before.How he looked up at the stars and saw anything but stars. They were diamonds, or sheets of glitter, or angels playing soccer.And then, that dude had said something about how obvious it was that I only used my words to impress people.I knew it wasn't true. I knew only an observation li [..]
I Want To Write A Fable
Published on 2011-10-08 05:09:00
I want to write a fable.Something with monsters and romance.Something that takes you from here, and drops you off far, far away.I want to write a dragon. But not a typical dragon. A dragon made of something else. Mud, maybe. Or coal.I want to write a bayou. And a little boy on a sailboat.And a sweet teenage girl with a strange, strange gift.I want to write a passion. Between two men. Raw, and wet with sweat.And skeletons who dance and wear Venetian masks. And a crooner who never wears shoes.I wa [..]
WWCD?
Published on 2011-10-04 05:26:00
But I'm discontent. In came the city, the dog and the condo. Out went all of my creativity.I have a small, nagging feeling that most of my melodies and pretty words were born from my longing. And I'm not longing for too much anymore...except for more longing so that I can write a proper fucking Blues song.I was thrown into my Happily Ever After suddenly. It feels like it's been years since I left Sacramento, but it's only been months. And, while I still haven't worked out a solid list of things [..]
To Feed A Gossip
Published on 2011-09-30 03:31:00
You must never feed a Gossip.Those sneaky, vile little thingswith mouths turned as cherubsand souls as black as intentions.To feed a Gossip is to place yourself at the mercy of their lipswhen they hunger again.And they always hunger, those ones.Swords are sharpest when you're sliding them into yourself.You hit every nerve on the way in, from what I hear.Never, ever, feed a Gossip.These are the things that I know.You must never feed a Liar.They walk the ugliest of monsterswith the most beautiful [..]