Blog Feed: Mental Poo

Well, creating new titles and book covers for a "50 Shades of Grey" series seems to be consuming my time.If you live in a cave and have no idea what "50 Shades of Grey" is, or if you haven't seen my first round of covers, click here.Here are a couple of more...suggested by my readers and brought to life by yours truly.You're welcome.***************************If you look closely, you can see that Skeletor is wearing nipple clamps.It's all in the details, people. All in the details.Well there you [..] > read more

50 Shades of what?

Published on 2012-05-23 07:30:00

Right now the hottest book on the planet is '50 Shades of Grey' which is part of some trilogy that my girlfriend is reading and has the apparent side effect of making women really really horny so I'd like to ask the author TO KEEP MAKING THESE BOOKS PLEASE and thankyouverymuch.*ramps up cardio trainingIf you're unfamiliar with the book, I pulled this off wikipedia to give you an idea of what's inside:"It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of BDSM"For those unfamiliar [..] > read more

"Man buys Axe Body Wash, Waits for Orgy"

Published on 2012-05-21 08:00:00

I use Axe Body Wash regularly for a couple of reasons but mainly it's because their marketing department still has me sold on the fact that if I use it, hordes of women will just jump all over me because it contains pheremones or something (I am not a scientist).Plus, I have coupons.So this is an actual conversation I had with my girlfriend, Kerri, while in a store browsing the display of available Axe products:*************Kerri (picking up one of the bottles): "Here...try this one for a change [..] > read more

Because every dad wants a cookie for Father's Day that mentions spanking

Published on 2012-05-19 08:00:00

In lieu of a Weekly Wrap-Up this week, I'd like to simply bring attention to the fact that the lovely and talented Erin over at The Bitter Baking Company has put out.Her line of Father's Day cookies.See how important proper punctuation is there, people? You thought for a second that Erin gave up her flower instead of a tasty cookie product.The more you know.Regardless, you can also find MY VERY OWN LINE of Father's Day Cookies that are both delicious AND vicious. Like these little ditties:or thi [..] > read more

This is how I keep myself entertained at work

Published on 2012-05-17 08:00:00

A while ago, I sent out this Tweet:Some people think I make that shit up but - in my defense - I'm pretty sure I'm borderline certifiably insane so just to prove it to you, well..Here you go.I'm so glad people here have a sense of humor.Word.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

Draw Something - The Celebrity Files

Published on 2012-05-14 08:00:00

If you have the app "Draw Something" then you know how addicting it can be and - well - interesting, to say the very least.If you don't have it, it's basically "Pictionary" where you have to draw a word and your opponent must guess it.Sometimes this is easy. Sometimes it is not. Most times mine start with a sketch of boobies. It's what you get for playing with me.Today I bring you some pictures that I've collected from my "Draw Something" games.The theme today:Drawings of Celebrities.Enjoy.***** [..] > read more

Wrapping up the Week - May 13th, 2012

Published on 2012-05-13 08:30:00

Before I start today, I'd just like to wish all the moms out there a Happy Mother's Day.Including mine who - and this is no lie - I don't know what I'd do without.Love you, mom! Happy Mother's Day!Okay, okay. Enough schmoop.ONWARD.**********************Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:My bromance with Boston Fox News anchor, Gene Lavanchy, continues.I don't know where this weill lead but I like it!Episode 2 of "With Words with Friends Like T [..] > read more

With Words with Friends like these, who needs Words with Enemies? - Part 2

Published on 2012-05-10 08:00:00

Like the rest of the modern world I'm hooked on "Words with Friends" because being able to look at a board that includes "anal," "nuns,""spank" and "whore" just makes me smile for some reason.But more often than not I find that my letter tiles shuffle into some pretty interesting things themselves.My first episode of this series turned out to be pretty successful so I figured we'd keep it rolling.Enjoy.******************Because nothing says 'hot' like a guy with a 'titebod' and 'dethass.'OH LADI [..] > read more

If Gene Lavanchy wasn't considering a restraining order before, he's probably dialing up the cops right now

Published on 2012-05-07 08:00:00

A little while ago I professed a bromance between myself and a local Fox 25 News Anchor named Gene Lavanchy.It was borderline creepy, I have to admit - but what completely harmless and fully heterosexual man-love wants, completely harmless and fully heterosexual man-love wants so who am I to call this 'wrong.'I just scared myself a little there.Regardless, Gene and I still go back and forth on Twitter so he really has no one else to blame for this but himself.Enjoy some more of our repartee.**** [..] > read more

Wrapping up the Week - May 6, 2012

Published on 2012-05-06 07:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:My girlfriend. Calling her a 'saint' would be an understatement.And then I brought my kids to work and a felony ensued.************************Moments in MENTAL POO History:************************A year ago this week on 'Mental Poo':My son has to go to his first confession so, you know, we made a video of stuff he could confess because HE IS ONLY 8 YEARS OLD, PEOPLE.Another of my "I'm Here to Help" letter re [..] > read more

..and that's why I love "Bring Your Kids to Work Day"

Published on 2012-05-03 07:00:00

My company did their annual "Bring Your Kids to Work Day" recently and this marked the first time I've ever brought my children in here because, honestly, I wasn't sure of the value of having kids see their dad coast his way through a job.For me they might as well just called it "Bring your kids to pretend you work day," or "Bring your kids to the place where you wander around for 8 hours getting coffee and pooping."Regardless, some highlights of the day:*********************Signing in:The first [..] > read more

The Girlfriend Chronicles - Part Deux

Published on 2012-04-30 08:00:00

After the success of the first "Girlfriend Chronicles," I figured I'd share some more excerpts with you guys of some chat conversations between my girlfriend and I.*It's okay to be jealous.However, after reading these I probably should have put a PG-13 or R rating on this because she kind of has a potty mouth. MOM YOU SHOULD PROBABLY LOOK AWAY RIGHT NOW!*no feelings were harmed during the creation of this post because I essentially have none - like a Vulcan but with smaller ears yet with eerily [..] > read more

The Bitter Baking Company All-Out Pimp-Out

Published on 2012-04-28 08:23:00

In lieu of a weekly wrapup, I've decided to just go pimp out my new page of cookies over at The Bitter Baking Company.For those of you who don't remember the story, check out the post that started it all...along with Erin's follow up that, well, cemented the deal.Amazing.When you go there, you'll see a "Mental Poo" category which the lovely Erin (I'm guessing here, I have no idea what she looks like) put together to showcase all of the CUSTOM COOKIES she can make for you with slogans written by [..] > read more

Motivational Filler - Revenge

Published on 2012-04-27 07:00:00

*******************Motivate THIS.(points at crotch)Nothing to see here today......except a custom "motivational poster" made by yours truly over at Big Huge Labs.Seriously......I have no idea how I made it over 40 years without finding this thing.I'm giving you advance warning that this poster takes a tiny bit of concentration. My sincere apologies.Here's today's poster for you (click to enlarge (that's what she said)):Um...Admittedly, that one takes some patience and concentration.So this is pr [..] > read more

It's a rocket, it's a car, it has candy and needs better wheels!

Published on 2012-04-25 08:00:00

If you're familiar with the chemical reaction that happens when you drop Mentos candies into a bottle of soda thus producing a 30' high soda volcano, then you can imagine my enthusiasm when I saw this in a store in the mall:"The ROCKET CAR powered by Mentos"....?SO POWERFUL that the cartoon guy on the box NEEDS A HELMET?!?!?OH HELL YES.So of course I get this for the kids for Christmas and the first nice day we had here in New England in March we fired that puppy up. Me, being the media mogul th [..] > read more

Draw Something - The Child Files Edition

Published on 2012-04-23 08:00:00

Wrapping up the Week - April 22, 2012

Published on 2012-04-22 07:00:00

Before I start today, I have to make a quick mention that Mother's Day is rapidly approaching and - as such - my personalized line of deliciously vicious cookies over at The Bitter Baking Company has been expanded to include such things as this:You'll also find that my personal "Mental Poo" cookie section has now been expanded to include romance, birthdays and sympathy cookies as well.Go buy a ton of them.Thanks in advance.**********************Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on [..] > read more

I Self-Evaluate Myself So Much I'm Going to Go Blind

Published on 2012-04-19 08:00:00

Here at work, our job performance reviews were coming up and my boss asked us to fill in the 'self evaluation' section - complete with 'goals' we want to attain for the coming year.This begs the question: I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE GOALS?!Goals.Mine were, 'stay employed' and 'bring home a paycheck.' I drew a blank for the third one.However, my friend and FORMER coworker (not my fault, I swear), Kristin, was having trouble with her goals so I thought I'd help her out.For reference, the crossed out name [..] > read more

Climbing the Google Search Ladder but for All the Wrong Reasons

Published on 2012-04-16 08:00:00

I haven't done this in a while so, here goes.Every so often I check to see how people get to this blog based on their Internet searches.Sometimes it brings me to gems like this wonderful post that came really close to me giving up on humanity.*shudders*An added bonus in checking this out is that my new StatCounter shows me WHERE I show up in the list for any particular search.That said, enjoy:I was pretty pumped about being #1 in "Family Circus Porn" because, well, honestly my life is pretty emp [..] > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - April 15, 2012

Published on 2012-04-15 07:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:It's just a matter of time, people.Just a matter of time.This is probably why I don't get any product endorsements.I revisit my "SoftSoap Chronicles" with a new cartoon!************************Moments in MENTAL POO History:************************A year ago this week on 'Mental Poo':It's like a Rorschach test but with, you know, urinal cakes.The Tweet that took on a life of it's own.How to turn your kid into [..] > read more

I Drew a Cartoon! - The SoftSoap Chronicles Continue

Published on 2012-04-13 07:00:00

A little while ago I did a cartoon that flew over some people's heads which, honestly, given my target audience really shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone.So, I'm giving it another shot.Since hindsight is 20/20 unless it has astigmatism which typically requires the use of corrective lenses and even then your hindsight has to hold the newspaper far away just to do the Sudoku puzzle because you never ever know when someone is going to slip Nazi propaganda in there, I rethought my cartoon lit [..] > read more

This is probably why I don't get any product endorsement deals

Published on 2012-04-11 08:00:00

This is an email I received a little while ago. I get a lot of these, and you can tell which ones are from people who have absolutely no idea what kind of blog you write.Well, at least FOR ME it's easy.My reply:That was the last I ever heard from Richard.I probably should have checked it out, though.A nice bamboo steamer would probably cover my bicep scar quite nicely.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

How I Surmise My Employment Here Will End...

Published on 2012-04-09 08:00:00

I was working on a post the other day which means I was doing it during "normal business hours" and, as typical, decided to create a picture for said post when I noticed this in the sidebar of my Microsoft Paint* program.*used by amateurs to make shitty looking pictures since whenever it was inventedYes.There on my 'most recent pictures' list is a listing of pictures that I'd done for other posts that may or may not have even been posted yet.Shout out here to the miracle of time travel.My favori [..] > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - April 8, 2012

Published on 2012-04-08 08:00:00

I know it's Easter but I'm doing my weekly wrap-up because I forgot to last week and also I have the greatest news EVER in that,,..drumroll...I NOW HAVE MY VERY OWN LINE OF COOKIES!!That's right.The Bitter Baking Company and I have joined our superpowers to bring you my very own line of sarcasm, humor and lack of tact and grace on a delicious vanilla sugar cookie!Head to Bitter Baking Company and order yours today!ONWARD!******************Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental [..] > read more

BIG NEWS!! I'm Expanding my Empire... One Cookie at a Time

Published on 2012-04-06 08:00:00

Remember Erin, my arch nemesis from the really cool Bitter Baking Company who I successfully blackmailed into giving me free cookies because she blatantly stole my Urban Dictionary term, "holemates?"Well..check THIS OUT:YES.I know have my VERY OWN line of custom cookies on The Bitter Baking Company's website!! Each cookie has a quote from yours truly emblazoned on a delicious vanilla cookie.Choose from such cookies as:Check out all the sayings in my Bitter Baking Company cookie collection here.E [..] > read more

One legged baby races and a pretty odd conversation to begin with

Published on 2012-04-04 08:30:00

In my first entry of "The Girlfriend Chronicles" series, I posted a few of my IM conversations with my girlfriend which only made her question why, exactly, she's with me at all.But then I make my pecs dance while simultaneously juggling and singing the Alphabet Song and all her doubts magically disappear.Today, though, I'm going to recreate a scene that happened during our trip to Target.Living the dream, people. Living the dream.To make this flow better, I crafted the conversation like an IM c [..] > read more

National Pancake Day and the Dr. Seuss Massacre

Published on 2012-04-02 08:00:00

February 28th, 2012 was "National Pancake Day."The end.Just kidding.National Pancake Day coincided with my kids' school vacation week AND a day off for myself, so I took advantage of IHOP's 'free pancake' deal and brought the kids for breakfast.That's when we noticed that the theme of the kids menu was the new Dr. Seuss movie "The Lorax" and it had, well, a coloring page where you were supposed to put tops on the trunks of all these trees around the guy but, um....Here's how ours came out:We cal [..] > read more

Things I Notice - Butt Wiping 101

Published on 2012-03-30 08:00:00

Sitting in the men's room the other day at work doing my biznezz when I noticed this on the toilet paper dispenser:This begs the following questions:1) What kind of person needs instructions for toilet paper? All I know is, I never want to meet this person or be around when they go into the OTHER stall where this little 'how to' sticker has come off."9-1-1...what's your emergency?"2) If retrieving a square of toilet paper requires such an explanation, why aren't these also written in Braille?Way [..] > read more

Google profiles, me, and a foreshadowing of my firing

Published on 2012-03-28 08:00:00

A few weeks ago at work we switched our email from Microsoft Outlook to Google Mail and if you're still awake at this point I think you need to give yourselves a round of applause.Like most things such as schedules and seasons and transvestites, I detest change and thus hated the switch over to Google Mail but I DID find one thing that made it all worth it.My Profile.You see, we're allowed to attach a picture to our profile so when you send emails and chat internally, people can finally put a fa [..] > read more

Just Some Dirty Conversations

Published on 2012-03-26 08:00:00

So every once in a while I will go ahead and write a post for EdenFantasys which is an online sex store that sells sex toys and games and dice and - for some reason - books...because nothing says "LET'S GET OUR FREAK ON" like "please turn to chapter 3, the ins and outs of butt plugs."Truer words? Never spoken.Of course they have a Twitter account and a Facebook page so I'm all up in that but every once in a while we'll engage in some serious conversations about nookie and stuff about nookie and [..] > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - March 25, 2012

Published on 2012-03-25 07:00:00

Before I start today, just want to mention that I have some new items at my Zazzle store like this:Remember that the end of the world is coming so you don't have much time to buy a shirt. Just do it.ONWARD!******************Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:Got kids? You'll relate to this. Don't have kids? Worth a read to confirm your suspicions that waiting is worth it.Everybody sing: This is the way we torture Fox, torture Fox, torture Fox. [..] > read more

Motivational Filler - Begging and Beginnings

Published on 2012-03-23 07:00:00

Motivate THIS.(points at crotch)Nothing to see here today......except a custom "motivational poster" made by yours truly over at Big Huge Labs.Seriously......I have no idea how I made it over 40 years without finding this thing.Here's today's posters (YES - there are TWO) for you (click to enlarge (that's what she said)):Um...I think this is the part where I go into full Salman Rushdie mode.*disappearsIf you want to see all of my custom posters, click here.You can also purchase Authentic "Motiva [..] > read more

Pissing off news stations on Facebook, one comment at a time

Published on 2012-03-21 08:00:00

I've decided to turn my Facebook assholishnessicicity (trademark pending) into a regular series because, well, a post is a post.If you're a friend of mine on Facebook then you may or may not know that I have an amazing ability to have amazing abilities.One of these amazing abilities is commenting inappropriately on serious stories.A while ago I did my first post on some of my responses to the local Fox News Channel's Facebook status updates.It proved to be pretty popular so I did a second one an [..] > read more

Sleeping with the Little Enemies

Published on 2012-03-19 08:00:00

I went on vacation with my two kids over the summer and because I'm cheap I got a single hotel room with 2 double beds.For the sake of keeping track, let's just call that "mistake #1."Mistake #2 was assuming that I would actually be able to share a bed with one of my kids and get a good night's sleep because..well..let's just get into it.Attempt #1Since the kids previously tried and failed at sharing a bed, I split them up and then hopped into bed with my then 7-year old son, Cam.My son, as awes [..] > read more

Wrapping up the Week - March 18, 2012

Published on 2012-03-18 07:00:00

Before I start today, just want to mention that I have some new items at my Zazzle store like this:Also, don't forget that I'm a weekly contributor now to Surfer Wife's 'Fashion Disasters' posts every Friday.Here's this weeks' post. Subscribe or bookmark her. You'll be glad you did.ONWARD!******************Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:The Bloggess bought a dead stuffed weasel and put an apron on it and, well, there went my productivity f [..] > read more

With Words with Friends like these, who needs Words with Enemies?

Published on 2012-03-15 08:00:00

Like the rest of the modern world I'm hooked on "Words with Friends" because being able to look at a board that includes "anal," "nuns,""spank" and "whore" just makes me smile for some reason.But more often than not I find that my letter tiles shuffle into some pretty interesting things themselves.******************Ugh. Been there.******************This should surprise no one.******************That shouldn't surprise anyone, either, really.************************************I'm going to have to [..] > read more

Juanita? You damn near killed her!

Published on 2012-03-12 08:00:00

That title makes no sense.Then, again, neither does owning a dead, stuffed weasel and putting an apron on it.Ah, Bloggess. You are one messed up broad of epic proportions. Never change.A while ago, The Bloggess wrote a post about her newly acquired victim of taxidermy, a weasel that she affectionately named "Juanita" for reasons unknown to us and probably 16 of the 20 personalities in her head. Of course she put an apron on it and then captioned it:Ugh. I know. Making a souffle is so touch-and-g [..] > read more

Wrapping up the Week - March 11, 2012

Published on 2012-03-11 07:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:Some information about my little dog that you probably really didn't need to know.This is what you get if you IM me at 8:00 in the morning.************************Moments in MENTAL POO History:************************A year ago this week on 'Mental Poo':..and this is how my parents tried to cure my ills by making me an alcoholic by age 8.CHILDHOOD ALCOHOLISM POST UPDATE!************************Two Years Ago t [..] > read more

This is what happens when you IM me at 8:00 in the morning.

Published on 2012-03-08 08:00:00

Sitting at work, my Instant Messenger pops up and the following happens with my friend and former coworker, Kristin.At the time of this IM message, we worked together. Strange coincidence that after this conversation, she was let go.*whistles and slowly walks awayFor further reference, I attended the funeral of my uncle the day earlier.Good times. Good times.Enjoy.In my defense I was literally on my first cup of coffee so I think I was still experiencing 'morning what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me's [..] > read more

The BIG Problem with Jax

Published on 2012-03-05 08:00:00

I've had my little dog, Jax, now since July and things are going along quite swimmingly except for his need to constantly know where I am or be in my goddamn feet all the time (trips and breaks face on counter) or just be around me all the time in general.Case in point:But the biggest peeve I have about my little guy is about his big peeve.Let me explain.Jax is HUNG.Like..proportionally, if Jax was my height he would have a 10-inch penis.I know what you're saying: "but isn't that only an inch lo [..] > read more

Shhhh. Relax. You don't have to be ashamed of hitting the "Like" button

Published on 2012-03-01 07:00:00

After the success of my "Using the Term 'Facebook Friends' rather loosely," and then the second installment, and even a third, I now give you a fourth entry into what is becoming one of my more popular series here on this blog.Plus. It's easy to do and I'm wicked lazy.So this is what you're missing if you're not my friend on Facebook.*******************For this next one, we have my dear friend Kristin with a reference to her husband, Jeff, who we always joke about being gay. And by 'we' I mean ' [..] > read more

Your Call is Very Important to Us... Unless You Have an Accent

Published on 2012-02-27 08:00:00

A lot of people ask me what I actually do for work.This, sadly, also includes my boss.Although I don't do it any more, I was a Technical Support Representative in the Internet Security industry for years and years and, as such, have build a deep disdain for most bipedal things who can't read a goddamn manual.I know a lot of you people out there hate calling Technical Support lines and I can pretty much assure you that we hate getting your calls just as much.That said, I came up with a flowchart [..] > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - February 26, 2012

Published on 2012-02-26 08:00:00

Before I start today, my readers last week were treated to some lovely banter between myself and the owner of The Bitter Baking Company.As a result, she has offered YOU - my reader - a 50% OFF discount code towards any cookie order of $18 or more until 2/29/2012.Simply enter 'blackmail' as your code and - voila - half-off sarcastic cookies.You're welcome.ONWARD!********Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:I drew a cartoon.Look out below!I write [..] > read more

FU, Facilities

Published on 2012-02-24 08:00:00

In the men's locker room here at work, this sign is posted on the mirror:And this is how you know that, as a member of the "Facilities" group, that no one respects you even a tiny little bit:"I AM A MEMBER OF FACILITIES AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!"*cricketI especially like the gaul of the asshole who put his SHOES on the counter just to be, like, "You know what, facilities? I know shoes are filthy and supposed to go on the floor and would literally take up 6 inches of space but you are not the bo [..] > read more

Shit I Forgot to Write About - Random Pictures Edition

Published on 2012-02-22 08:00:00

When I think of an idea to write about I usually either jot the idea down and email it to myself or - if it's a picture - send the picture to myself.Then I usually forget about it because I'm old and that's what old people do.I like Sour Cream 'n' Onion chips.Mmmm.*falls asleep*Where was I?OH. Shit I forgot to write about.So I found these in my 'ideas' folder and figured I'd bring them up.Remember the Weiner!!Remember that story about the New York Representative, Anthony Weiner, who had his sext [..] > read more

I Drew a Cartoon! - Mouthwash Death from Above

Published on 2012-02-20 08:00:00

I drew another cartoon for you people today because, honestly, I really didn't feel like doing work AT ALL.Microsoft Paint is my copilot.Enjoy.No idea how that popped into my head. None at all.Man.I need a hobby.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - February 19, 2012

Published on 2012-02-19 07:00:00

Before I start today, my readers this week were treated to some lovely banter between myself and the owner of The Bitter Baking Company.As a result, she has offered YOU - my reader - a 50% OFF discount code towards any cookie order of $18 or more until 2/29/2012.Simply enter 'blackmail' as your code and - voila - half-off sarcastic cookies.You're welcome.ONWARD!********Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:The cookie blackmail all started with a [..] > read more

Bitter Baking Blackmail, Part Deux

Published on 2012-02-16 08:00:00

On Monday I wrote about how I apparently have some weird confectionery antagonist over at The Bitter Baking Company who - after caving in to my hollow threats and amazing pectorals - agreed to send me some of their cookies in lieu of litigation over their use of my term, "Holemates."This is actually good news because I can't afford shit, let alone a lawyer trying to defend me against a giant cookie conglomerate.Regardless, victory in hand I came home to find my mailman/woman (can't really tell, [..] > read more

Bitter Baking Blackmail

Published on 2012-02-13 08:00:00

This product made by The Bitter Baking Company was brought to my attention the other day:*GASP*What's the big deal, you may be asking yourself?How about THESE APPLES:That's right. That's MY TERM as clearly stated up on Urban Dictionary.As such, I had no choice but to threaten them in a non-threatening manner:A few minutes later a quite lovely person at The Bitter Baking Company sent me this reply:That's right. I just blackmailed my way into a pack of cookies.*jazz hands*Of course if they're goin [..] > read more

Things I Would Rather Do Than Eat Light Mayonnaise

Published on 2012-02-09 07:00:00

I like mayonnaise.Please note that this is not a euphemism for what you think it is because I'm totally not into the gay thing unless it's maybe Mike Rowe from "Dirty Jobs" because there's just something about that guy.I've digressed.Being a single dad I figured I'd try to spruce up my already spectacular physique by purchasing "Light Reduced Calorie Mayonnaise" at the grocery store and save myself a few calories.NOTE: If you like regular mayo, light reduced-calorie mayo is a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE I [..] > read more

I saw a "Day in Pompeii" and all I got was some really filthy looks in the museum

Published on 2012-02-06 08:00:00

WARNING: THERE IS FACTUAL HISTORY CRAP IN THIS POST**I'm so so sorryMy girlfriend and I took my kids to the Boston Museum of Science to see an exhibit called "A Day in Pompeii" which is basically a bunch of artifacts excavated from the famous city that sat at the base of Mount Vesuvius (which loosely translates to "A Mountain named Vesuvius" - you're welcome).Had Vesuvius not actually been a giant volcano then the location of this city wouldn't have been a problem but - no shit - it WAS a giant [..] > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - February 5, 2012

Published on 2012-02-05 07:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:I'm in the midst of a whirlwind bromance with a Boston news anchor and you all get to see it unfold in 140 characters or less.*blushesWell, this was an unfortunate ad placement.************************Moments in MENTAL POO History:************************A year ago this week on 'Mental Poo':I got an email from myself and somehow I think I invented time travel.YOU'RE WELCOME.My very first post about my post-di [..] > read more

Well. That was unfortunate ad placement.

Published on 2012-02-02 07:00:00

Went to log on to my email account the other day and noticed this:Gah.On a related note, I no longer want to see Madonna naked.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

I'm in love with Fox News Anchor Gene Lavanchy and I don't care if the whole world knows it

Published on 2012-01-30 08:00:00

Please mark your calendars appropriately as the day that I was delivered a restraining order by a Fox News Anchor.Before I leave for work every morning (notice I did not say 'go to work' because 'arriving at the building' and 'actually doing work' are two completely different things) I turn on the Boston Fox News station because:a) I need background noise for all the games I am CRUSHING my opponents in of Words with Friends, and17) I like the anchorsSpecifically, I'm a big fan of Gene Lavanchy b [..] > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - January 29, 2012

Published on 2012-01-29 07:00:00

Before I start today I just want to pimp out this classy new shirt I have available on my Zazzle store:Ask me about my Tourette's Syndrome by MentalPooJoin Zazzle's artist affiliate programIt's great for work meetings.ONWARD!****************Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:Probably one of the greatest posts I have ever written..which is scary.But not as scary as the content.*shuddersHOW DID I MISS THIS?!************************Moments in MEN [..] > read more

How the hell did I not know about this?

Published on 2012-01-27 07:00:00

This appeared on the sidebar of a web page I was on:I don't know what bothers me more:That (a) the abuse is so bad that there is a need for this ad, or (b) that there is an entire culture of dancing bears I knew nothing about.Great. Now I want to see a dancing bear.I don't think this ad worked AT ALL.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

THE THINGY

Published on 2012-01-23 08:00:00

If you are looking for the now world famous "THINGY" post, well, I pulled it for reasons of family privacy.It IS still accessible, but you'll need to email me at midgetmanofsteel@yahoo.com and once you pass a rigorous screening process to make sure you're not one of my kids and/or angry family members, I'll see what I can do for you.Moog out.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

Twix or Tweets - the wisdom of children edition

Published on 2011-07-05 07:00:00

Today I present to you some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.There's a skew on this one, though:These Tweets are all about things my kids say or do.Enjoy.*************************Daughter: "Is 'Fockers' a bad word?' Me: "N > read more

Wrapping up the Week - July 3, 2011

Published on 2011-07-03 07:00:00

Well it's the Fourth of July weekend here in the United States which means that I'm probably the only one reading this crap but I'm at work right now so writing this is much better than, you know, actually working.Just in case you missed another fun- > read more

His Woody will Steal Your Soul (Patent Pending)

Published on 2011-06-30 07:00:00

Co-worker sent out this email the other day to my group:Attached were these pictures:To which I responded:Valid question.Surprisingly, no one in my group really talks to me outside of email.Weird.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

I'd be a shoo-in if the NRA hired teenage spokespeople

Published on 2011-06-27 06:00:00

When I was about 12 or 13 and a giant fat shit of a kid, my parents moved me from the city to the country - thus introducing me to the concept of ‘fresh air’ and ‘clean water’ and ‘no city trash pickup so guess who is driving with your drun > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - June 26, 2011

Published on 2011-06-26 07:00:00

Sorry for slacking lately on my weekly round-ups but I've been busy moving into my new house which is, honestly, f'ing exhausting and BORING.But, hey, NEW HOUSE!Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:. > read more

My 2 Little Gifts

Published on 2011-06-24 07:00:00

So yet another Father's Day came and went without much fanfare except that I took my kids to an amusement park here in New Hampshire and was able to snap a picture of this asshole which I immediately put up on my Twitpic page:There was also an amazin > read more

Shit My Kids Make - This is Probably Why I Miss Appointments

Published on 2011-06-22 06:00:00

My kids stay with me three or four nights a week so to keep track of shit I have to do for them (like make lunches and bring them to lessons and then there's those sporadic feedings) I have a calendar on my fridge where I jot stuff down and then THEY > read more

I'm an Asshole...Naturally.

Published on 2011-06-20 07:00:00

Got this email the other day.I'm paraphrasing it because it was, like, 4 pages long and I lose interest unless you throw in the word 'boobies' every so often.I actually DID hit a deer with my car the other night which totally mashed my front end.Howe > read more

I Drew a Cartoon! - No offense, Garmin.

Published on 2011-06-16 06:00:00

I drew another cartoon for you people today because, honestly, I really didn't feel like doing work AT ALL.Microsoft Paint is my copilot.Enjoy.My GPS can be such a dick sometimes.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

I'm a Terrible Matchmaker

Published on 2011-06-13 07:00:00

A little while ago I attempted to help one of my fine female readers by helping her with her own Match.com profile."How did it go," you ask?Ahem.These are some of the updates she sends me from her, um, 'suitors.'Enjoy.*insert blank stare here*Next:So > read more

As far as Fox News is concerned, I think I'm untouchable

Published on 2011-06-10 07:00:00

Even though my son works for Hard Rock Cafe, I still love him

Published on 2011-06-08 07:00:00

Some of you may remember that from time to time I do giveaways from the Hard Rock Cafe in Seminole, Florida even though I live in New Hampshire.I have no idea why.My last giveaway was to promote a Bob Saget appearance and the ONLY reason I agreed to > read more

Movin' on Up.

Published on 2011-06-06 07:00:00

This week I will become a homeowner for the second time.I'm excited, as you can tell, because nothing says 'WOO' like spending twice what your current rent is and getting a house where NOTHING is done for you like mowing the lawn or fixing crap that' > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - June 5, 2011

Published on 2011-06-05 07:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:I'm trying to buy a house and STILL can't cut a break with Jessica Alba.The hell.Because spamming the spammers is spammerific fun.OUGADOUGOU!!******************** > read more

A Loooooooooooovial Gold!

Published on 2011-06-02 06:00:00

I had no idea what to title this post.Obviously.Regardless..I got this email the other day:*******************From: MR.SIMON PATRICK Subject: Subject: ALLUVIAL GOLD DUST OFFER FOR SALESWE ARE OUAGA TRADE COMPANY LTD, WE EXPORTE RAW COTTON MATERIAL & > read more

I Can't Even be Serious Buying Homeowner's Insurance

Published on 2011-05-30 07:00:00

So I was in the process of buying a house (read: planning on being in deep deep bone-crushing debt) which required me to get homeowner's insurance because GOD FORBID someone is stupid enough to get really really shitfaced and fall off my back deck. T > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - May 29, 2011

Published on 2011-05-29 07:00:00

I know it's Memorial Day weekend here in the States and that means no one is probably reading this but I'm going to write it anyway because, honestly, anything is better than working.Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My > read more

How I Got a Software Developer to Commit Hari-Kari

Published on 2011-05-27 07:00:00

Thank God the people I work with have a sense of humor.I work in a software company where my primary goal is to find bugs in the software (not real bugs because, you know, fuck that shit) and have them either fixed by Software Developers or documente > read more

The Shit I Find on my Phone

Published on 2011-05-25 07:00:00

Before all the men and women out there look at this post's title and start freaking out that I'm about to post the pictures of their vaginas and penises and (not respectively...in most instances) and - in some cases - weird monkey fetishes let me be > read more

It's Either the Big Dipper or a Chupacabra

Published on 2011-05-23 07:00:00

Right before the kids and I walk into my one-bedroom shithole apartment and smell the wondrous odors filling the hallway of whatever rodent/stray animal my neighbors are obviously broiling in a steaming pot of piss, and listen to the beautiful cacaph > read more

Wrapping up the Week - May 22, 2011

Published on 2011-05-22 07:00:00

If you're reading this then either Rapture DIDN'T happen OR you're one of the bad ones left behind which, honestly, surprises no one.Onward.Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifMy Posts f > read more

..and THAT is why I'm a GENIOUS!

Published on 2011-05-20 06:00:00

As you may or may not know, my longtime friend, cube-mate, and all-around general person who grosses me the Hell out on a constant basis, Kristin, moved out of my cube at work to a different floor.Subsequently, once in a while, I'll get Instant Messa > read more

I Like to Google Alphabetically

Published on 2011-05-18 06:00:00

I have not a single clue as to why but I was messing around with "Google" stuff which I kind of stumbled on that time I was writing my post about flying with the crazy Ebola/Typhoid chick....when I decided that it was time to debut a new feature on h > read more

I'm Here to Help - Cyber Pimp Edition

Published on 2011-05-16 07:00:00

One of my single, female regular readers and Twitter followers asked me to write them their very own Match.com profile after reading this post.So, as part of my "Here to help initiative" as a responsible blog author..*cue laugh trackI obliged.******* > read more

You might want to sit down for this...

Published on 2011-05-13 11:45:00

If you're a friend of mine on Facebook or follow me on Twitter, you probably know that I tore my left bicep TWICE in 8 months and decided to have surgery to repair it last Friday.On the bright side, I GOT LOTS OF VICODIN!!You win some, and you lose s > read more

We must do what we can to put an end to Sexual Harassment Training!!

Published on 2011-05-11 07:00:00

Got this email at work the other day:OH GREAT.Yes..because the Sexual Harassment training we received before worked oh so well.Then I re-read the subject line and immediately sent an email to my friend and coworker, Kristin:Human Resources is silly.h > read more

My, What a Big, Blue Hole You Have

Published on 2011-05-09 07:00:00

My good friend, Rob, is married but does not have any children and thus he goes on vacations 47 times a year and owns a Lexus and a Harley and a boat and blah blah blah rub it in my face why don't ya.I'm not bitter.His latest excursion with his wife > read more

Wrapping up the Week - Mother's Day, 2011

Published on 2011-05-08 06:57:00

Before I start today, just want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and MILFs out there.My day started out with this email from my own mom:Thanks, mom.Happy Mother's Day!*****************************Just in case you missed another fun-filled > read more

My bicep is free of Carrot Tops and Epsteins!!

Published on 2011-05-06 07:00:00

As you read this, I'm under anesthesia.Sadly, "Anesthesia" is not the name of a Playboy bunny.I tore my left bicep for the second time in 8 months so I figured I'd just keep adding to the frequent-surgical-candidate 'rewards' points I get from my ort > read more

I'm Here to Help, People - Long Lost Spam Mother Edition

Published on 2011-05-04 07:00:00

As part of my 'Here to Help' initiative, I do - from time to time - help out some of my readers who request my assistance in life-or-death matters.This is not one of those.I got an email from Amy at Madame Menu who is apparently a fan of my spam emai > read more

A Confession to Make

Published on 2011-05-02 06:00:00

I'm Catholic and when I say "I'm Catholic" it means "I've been told I'm Catholic but you won't see me step foot in a church unless you're getting married or you've died but now that I'm thinking about it you won't see me if you're actually dead - but > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - May 1, 2011

Published on 2011-05-01 07:21:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:I unravel the mystery behind Charlie Sheen's tweets!!Answering the question: "Why does this throw pillow smell like shit?"And..Just in time for the Royal Wedding, > read more

Slip Your Feet into these Comfy Royal Labias

Published on 2011-04-29 07:00:00

How timely.I was watching the news the other day and of course there's some bullshit about the Royal Wedding like anyone outside the Royal Family actually gives a shit so they end up showing this crazy woman in England (redundant? discuss) who has sh > read more

Well...That's one way to sell furniture

Published on 2011-04-27 07:00:00

A commercial from a local furniture company caught my eye the other morning.Why? Let me freeze-frame a couple of seconds of it for you:Do you see it?If you don't, then obviously your brain doesn't work like mine. This is probably a good thing.Here... > read more

MYSTERY SOLVED! How Charlie Sheen Makes his Tweets

Published on 2011-04-25 07:00:00

Thanks to The Bloggess, I spent the better part of a day doing this.It's not what you think.If you follow me on Twitter, you know that my Tweets are kind of a mess, but this link right here will take your Tweets, mix them up, and come up with suggest > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - Easter, 2011 Edition

Published on 2011-04-24 06:00:00

Happy Easter!Or, to my Jewish readers:"Shit. Tomorrow's Monday."Instead of my usual weekly wrapup I figured I'd just give you some link to my Easter and religious posts because you should have been reading my post EVERY DAY, PEOPLE.Have a great day.* > read more

Pickles Need Room to Run, Too.

Published on 2011-04-22 07:00:00

Since my divorce, I've only been in my apartment for 6 months and so far I've had my newspapers stolen, was gang-raped (allegedly) by a group of immense parking-lot turkeys and have seen more people in wife-beater tank tops then one normally sees dur > read more

Using the term, Facebook "Friends" rather loosely

Published on 2011-04-20 07:00:00

..and this is what you're missing if you're not my friend on Facebook.Shit like this is primarily why I don't get anything done at work.I like it better this way, actually.**********************Find me on Facebook here.Find me on Twitter here.Find me > read more

Dictators Who Could be Saved by the Bell

Published on 2011-04-18 06:00:00

So I was annoyingly failing trying to make Mario Lopez unattractive in a completely heterosexual-yet-comfortable-with-my-own-non-homesexuality way when I thought back to my "Hitler moustache post" and wondered to myself:What would happen if the most > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - April 17, 2011

Published on 2011-04-17 06:00:00

Before I start today:My good buddy John is running the Boston Marathon for the 5th time, in honor of his niece who will be going into her fourth year of cancer remission.You can read about his story - and why he's running for his niece - here.This gu > read more

How to Turn Your Kid into a Racist Tiger

Published on 2011-04-15 07:00:00

Was in a toy store the other day when I saw this:Aww..cute..it's Tiger Face Paint for kids!Then something caught my eye..Having just watched "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and the "Lethal Weapon 5" video, all I could think of was..THIS:Does anyone el > read more

We're Gonna Need a Bigger....Roll of TP

Published on 2011-04-13 07:00:00

From Urban Dictionary:*readers flee*Don't worry, don't worry. This is not about me shitting my pants again.Sadly.I don't know why, but the other day an idea popped into my head which prompted this Tweet:I kind of just made that up on the fly....but t > read more

In Space, No One Can Hear You Pee

Published on 2011-04-11 07:00:00

We either have really talented pee streams in this company or I'm spending way too much time trying to find smiley faces in urinal cakes.Probably both, really.Recently I Tweeted this:Why?Because in one of my usual jaunts to the men's room I looked do > read more

Wrapping up the Week - April 10, 2011

Published on 2011-04-10 07:00:00

At this point I'm just basically trying to sell shit

Published on 2011-04-08 07:00:00

I've made a number of significant contributions to society, none of which are actually positive and most actually involve some "misunderstanding about the age of consent" and me "running" from the "cops."But the English language?Different story.I've > read more

I'm Here to Help, People - Douche Canoe Edition

Published on 2011-04-06 06:00:00

From time to time one of my readers will ask me to help them respond to an email or caption a photo or bring them to multiple orgasms using only my feet and an unripened acorn.We all have our niche.As such, I got an email from Mr. Condescending:Gee. > read more

Dear Steve Jobs: You're Welcome

Published on 2011-04-04 07:00:00

Since Steve Jobs is out on leave these days, I took the liberty of coming up with some rejected spin-off games following the 'Angry Birds' craze.Enjoy.Weird shit in my head?There's an app for that.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - April 2, 2011

Published on 2011-04-02 07:00:00

Before I start today:It turns out that a portion of the post where I gave several examples of how to torture your local Fox news affiliate on Facebook......has made it's way onto Failblog.Click here to see the Failblog post.If you're not already foll > read more

Thank God it's Fraydey

Published on 2011-04-01 07:00:00

My ex-wife - as an inner-city school teacher - has long been a supplier of much of my blog fodder here on "Mental Poo."Some of which has resulted in various cartoons involving The Incredible Hulk.You're welcome.I was at work when I received this text > read more

I Drew a Cartoon! - Some of you might not get this.

Published on 2011-03-30 07:00:00

I drew a cartoon today.Enjoy.My inspiration was simply how I wake up EVERY SINGLE MORNING at the crack of dawn.Dawn's husband is NOT happy.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

The Day God Punished Me

Published on 2011-03-28 06:00:00

I’m not a religious man.Mainly this is because my parents WERE religious and therefore I got dragged to church every friggin’ Sunday for an hour when I really should have been watching Starblazers instead of trying to figure out what yoga positio > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - March 27, 2011

Published on 2011-03-26 07:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:A hamster by day. Religious assassin heroin-addict by night.This one is my Iliad, people.My Iliad.And then I found every father's worst nightmare.Pray for me.**** > read more

Every Father's Worst Nightmare

Published on 2011-03-24 07:00:00

I almost feel a sickness in my gut just thinking about it.I get nauseous just picturing what I found in my 10 year-old daughter's overnight bag.You know, sometimes the harsh reality of being the father of a little girl really knocks you down and take > read more

It's a Rock..er...Rodent Rock Opera

Published on 2011-03-21 07:00:00

Admittedly, this one is kinda odd.Even for me.BACKGROUNDAs a mullet-swinging denim-jacket-wearing kid who grew up in the 80's, one of my favorite metal bands was Queensryche.Queensryche wrote a rock opera titled, "Operation Mindcrime" which is - to t > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - March 20, 2011

Published on 2011-03-20 07:00:00

Before I start today I have to mention that I was interviewed over at The LG Report - representing the State of New Hampshire.My apologies to all other residents of New Hampshire.I have shamed you.ALSO:I put a post up on Tribal Blogs and it's about h > read more

Why I'm Probably Not Going to Win a $50 Chili's Gift Certificate

Published on 2011-03-18 07:00:00

To: midgetmanofsteel@yahoo.comFrom: "Chili's" ChilisCorp@Chilis.fbmta.comTake 30 seconds to answer this survey and you could win a $50 Chili's Gift Card!!**************************Please note that I no longer have a wife nor anything that resembles a > read more

I Drew a Cartoon! - Um. Ew.

Published on 2011-03-16 06:00:00

I was bored so I took the liberty of drawing a cartoon for you people today!Good luck getting THAT one out of your head.You're welcome.http://www.midgetmanofsteel.com > read more

Work is Starting to Cramp my Lavish Lifestyle

Published on 2011-03-14 07:00:00

I checked my work email the other night because all slackers know that the REAL way to feign that you're a workaholic is to randomly respond to work emails at all hours of the night and make sure you cc your boss even if they have nothing to do with > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - March 13, 2011

Published on 2011-03-13 07:00:00

Before I start today I HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO mention..THIS:..and then I pooped myself.Every so often The Bloggess will actually comment here which is an occasion in itself but to see that on my Twitter wall?Cue the incontinence.Okay..ONWARD!******* > read more

You Ask a Stupid Monster Truck Question...

Published on 2011-03-11 06:00:00

You can finish the rest of the title on your own. I trust you people.I took my kids to see Monster Trucks and then posted a few videos that I took on my YouTube channel because, well, I was kinda trying to push this site because celebrity status cont > read more

Update on my Childhood Pneumonia Alcoholism Post

Published on 2011-03-09 06:00:00

So I posted about how my parents used to kind of drug me into a stupor when I was a kid which, honestly, probably explains A LOT....and I was surprised to find that I was not alone in being the recipient of homemade 'medicines' that may or may not in > read more

Homemade French Remedies and Gradeschool AA Meetings

Published on 2011-03-07 06:00:00

If you were a small child of the 70's like I was, you grew up in a time of great freedom and by 'great freedom' I mean 'extreme danger' because back then:Cigarettes didn't cause cancer:And, sure, lots and lots of kids disappeared on their walks to an > read more

Wrapping up the Week - March 6, 2011

Published on 2011-03-06 07:00:00

Before I start today:I'M DOING A GIVEWAY OF SOME HARD ROCK CAFE STUFF!!!I don't do this often, people, but I heard Bob Saget will repay me with oral.All you have to do is comment on THIS post which is probably the best email string from a marketing r > read more

Between a Hard Rock and a Bob Saget..um..place. IT'S A GIVEAWAY!!

Published on 2011-03-04 06:00:00

Bob Saget better appreciate this shit.But I'm giving away some really cool stuff at the bottom of this so bear with me.*********************This is an actual email thread I got from an event promoter wanting to use my site for advertising a comedy sh > read more

It's Only a Matter of Time Before Fox News Takes Out a Restraining Order

Published on 2011-03-02 06:00:00

The Attack of Gobblezilla

Published on 2011-02-28 06:00:00

I walked out of my apartment the other day to go warm up my car and was greeted with this lovely sight:SO MANY TURKEYS!Please note that the name of that picture is 'turkey armageddon' because I don't care who you are, if you see an army of 20 pound t > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - February 26, 2011

Published on 2011-02-26 06:00:00

I'm doing this one a day early because I only posted twice this week.In my defense, though, both posts are friggin' AWESOME.Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:Why we're probably losing the knowledg > read more

Shit I Forgot to Write About - The Beastiality Halloween Party

Published on 2011-02-24 06:00:00

I came across another photo that I took when I was coming up with ideas for posts but then never got around to actually writing them so, you know, enjoy.This one was for a Halloween Party we had at work.I have to be honest with you, I'm pretty antiso > read more

Raising a Generation of Terrible Scientists

Published on 2011-02-21 06:00:00

So my kids got a 'SCIENCE KIT' for Christmas and when I say "Science Kit" I mean "not remotely a science kit AT ALL" because - I'm sorry - if our country's best and brightest minds are trying to figure out how to make sugar candy out of sugar and, yo > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - February 20,2011

Published on 2011-02-20 06:00:00

Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:I love this post so much that if I saw it on Match.com I would totally date it.PLUS - you get to see how awesome and good looking I am.Win win.I went to a 'monste > read more

Cupid in da Hood

Published on 2011-02-18 06:00:00

Even though I'm divorced, my ex-wife and I are still friends which is good because this means that she still sends me crap that she gets from students and their parents at the inner-city school where she teaches.It's all about the blog, people.This V > read more

Big Trucks and the Little Guy Who Really Doesn't Give a Crap

Published on 2011-02-16 06:00:00

I took my kids to a Monster Truck show because, honestly, it's a cheap way to spend 3 hours and be able to fraternize with (read: make fun of) that special kind of people you'd only typically see shopping for shovels AND ammo in Walmart while still i > read more

Undercover Brother - Do's and Don'ts of Match.com (Male Edition)

Published on 2011-02-14 06:00:00

The Tweet I did kind of says it all:After my wildly successful yet hard-hitting expose on epic Match.com fails that I found from women....there was a resounding call to not ONLY show portions of MY Match.com profile, but to also skew the hairier sex > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - February 13, 2011

Published on 2011-02-13 06:00:00

Before I start today:I was dubbed "Mr. February" in a blogger calendar on one of my faithful reader's site.The thing here is that I am topless in the photo and tried to remain anonymous and, well, happy hunting to you all to find it.Godspeed.******** > read more

Twix or Tweets - Parenting Edition

Published on 2011-02-11 06:00:00

Today I present to you some of my very own Tweets that I've subjected my 12 followers to.There's a skew on this one, though:These Tweets are all about my kids and parenting.Enjoy.*************************I'm trying to find the receipt for my kids. I > read more

The Best and Worst of Splitsville

Published on 2011-02-09 06:00:00

So..thinking about getting that divorce are you?Today I bring you a list of:The Best and Worst Things about being Divorced and Living AloneBest:You get to watch Internet porn with the sound on!Worst:Excitement over being FINALLY able to watch porn an > read more

This Gives "Baby Back Ribs" an Entirely Different Meaning

Published on 2011-02-07 06:00:00

Because I'm a member of the Chili's Restauraunt Email Club and - also - apparently a huge loser, I checked my inbox the other day and found this little gem from my friends over at Chili's:From: Chili'sSubject: Chili's soups, salad, chips and salsa ou > read more

Wrapping up the Week - February 6, 2011

Published on 2011-02-06 06:00:00

Before I start today:NOMINATIONS, PEOPLE!!I was nominated by some awesome people for a Shorty Award(pun fully intended) for my Tweets.The more nominations I get, the better chance I have of being recognized by people I don't care about.It's a narciss > read more

I'm pretty sure they only keep me here for the entertainment

Published on 2011-02-04 06:00:00

This year in the Northeast US we're getting belted with tons and tons of snow and if you think I'm kidding, look at this statistic from the National Weather Service:Regardless, here in New Hampshire and Massachusetts we've gotten FIFTY INCHES OF SNOW > read more

We Don't Match.com AT ALL

Published on 2011-02-02 06:00:00

A while after my divorce I gave Match.com the old 'college try' and by 'college try' I mean 'scoped out chicks most likely to bang' because, well, THAT'S WHAT I TRIED IN COLLEGE.Duh.On a related note: I miss college.But going through all these profil > read more

We Don't Match.com AT ALL

Published on 2011-02-02 06:00:00

The Time in the Future where I Spammed My Past Self and Maybe Vice Versa

Published on 2011-01-31 06:00:00

Got a typical spam email the other day:This is not news in and above itself because I routinely just delete these things ever since the time I decided to check one out and then for a month I took the pills they sent me and ended up with a labia growi > read more

The Time in the Future where I Spammed My Past Self and Maybe Vice Versa

Published on 2011-01-31 06:00:00

Wrapping Up the Week - January 30, 2011

Published on 2011-01-30 06:00:00

Before I start today:NOMINATIONS, PEOPLE!!First off I was nominated over at Studio 30+ in the categories of "Funniest Blogger," Best Tweeter," and "Best Male Blog" and "BLOG OF THE YEAR!!"I need to defend my title for the "Twitter" one, at least. It' > read more

Wrapping Up the Week - January 30, 2011

Published on 2011-01-30 06:00:00

Tell Me You Want My Dongle

Published on 2011-01-28 06:00:00

NOTE:The following post contains graphic language and some suggested nudity but basically just written in tech-talk so it will probably all go right over your head unless you really know computer shit and/or are from Bangalore at which point you'll h > read more

Tell Me You Want My Dongle

Published on 2011-01-28 06:00:00

Parenting 101 - A Ten-Step Program You Can Live With

Published on 2011-01-26 06:00:00

A special 'Clip N Save' edition of Mental Poo today:Parenting 101I've tried to boil down what I've learned in the 10 years I've been a parent into TEN STEPS.Enjoy.Sadly, Step #10 (Screwin' with their heads) is as far as I've gotten because that prett > read more

Parenting 101 - A Ten-Step Program You Can Live With

Published on 2011-01-26 06:00:00

I'm So Confused I Don't Even Have a Title

Published on 2011-01-24 06:00:00

I was checking my blog stats the other day when I noticed that an old post about how I became trapped in my ex-wife's hairspray-covered-bathroom-floor and almost died (read: found that my foot got sticky) was trending.This prompted me to look at wher > read more

I'm So Confused I Don't Even Have a Title

Published on 2011-01-24 06:00:00

Wrapping Up the Week - January 23, 2011

Published on 2011-01-23 06:00:00

Wrapping Up the Week - January 23, 2011

Published on 2011-01-23 06:00:00

Some Shit I Forgot to Write About - The BloWkus episode

Published on 2011-01-21 06:00:00

Ever have one of those moments where you're, like, "What the Hell am I going to write my blog about today?" and your boss is all, "Rod, you know we're in a meeting and you just said that out loud, right?"Yeah. Me too.So I came across some shit that I > read more

Some Shit I Forgot to Write About - The BloWkus episode

Published on 2011-01-21 06:00:00

What Planck's Constant has to do with Chest Congestion, only Google Can Answer. Badly.

Published on 2011-01-19 06:00:00

Like the rest of the United States and Canada and, apparently, giant flocks of birds, I've been battling a wicked cold and cough and chest congestion that feels like little Cough Nazis are invading my Lung Poland.It makes sense in my head.So, of cour > read more

What Planck's Constant has to do with Chest Congestion, only Google Can Answer. Badly.

Published on 2011-01-19 06:00:00

I Can't Make Mario Lopez Ugly

Published on 2011-01-17 06:00:00

I've tried.I've tried to make Mario Lopez ugly and I can't.Every time I see this guy on TV I'm like, "DAMN, dude..you're making me look like SHIT" which is - admittedly - tough to do because I'm kind of a specimen.So I then come in to work and do wha > read more

I Can't Make Mario Lopez Ugly

Published on 2011-01-17 06:00:00

Wrapping Up the Week - January 16, 2011

Published on 2011-01-16 06:00:00

I Take My Job Very Seriously. Also, I'm 8.

Published on 2011-01-14 06:00:00

Just an excerpt into how seriously I take my daily duties here working in the high-tech field.*cries from laughter*I was troubleshooting something computerish or network-ingy and was having an issue after installing the application so I pinged one of > read more

The Fox and the Guy Who Constantly Hounds Them

Published on 2011-01-12 07:00:00

If you're a friend of mine on Facebook then you may or may not know that I have an amazing ability to have amazing abilities.One of these amazing abilities is commenting inappropriately on serious stories.Here in New England our local Fox affiliate i > read more

Why I Am a Dog Person

Published on 2011-01-10 06:00:00

I'm kind of hanging out on vacation this week so here's what you get:It's been a while since I made a movie so here you go.The following is based on a true story that happened to me, literally, hours before I GOT ONTO A PLANE WITH TYPHOID MARY.So, yo > read more

Wrapping up the Week - January 9, 2011

Published on 2011-01-09 06:00:00

Well..it's finally 2011 and I'm back to writing the good stuff (so I think).So...Just in case you missed another fun-filled week on Mental Poo...My Posts from this Week:I go back to my original roots of storytelling and write a wonderful, heart-felt > read more

..and yet fame continues to allude me.

Published on 2011-01-07 06:00:00

I drew a cartoon for you today.This came to me the other day (twss) while I was washing my hands.Enjoy.Now if someone could call Playboy or Penthouse or, hell, I'd take Mad Magazine for chrissakes and get this thing published and get me some money, I > read more

Hitting the Shiny Blue Spot

Published on 2011-01-05 11:00:00

Dear Scrubbing Bubbles,Please put a disclaimer on your "Toilet Gel" product that says:Not recommended for use in households where males are present.Thanks in advance.* Disgruntled customer cleaning up piss all over his fucking bathroom*************** > read more

You say "Toboggan," I say "JUMP!"

Published on 2011-01-03 06:00:00

When I was a kid I used to go to my grandmother's house and would summarily be bored to tears because, well, IT'S MY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE and you can only play with her chihuahuas so much before you tire of them.That is not a euphemism.One winter when > read more

It's the End of the World and We Know It and I Feel Like Dog Shit

Published on 2010-12-31 06:00:00

Yes. It's the end of the world.Well. By 'world' I mean 'year.'I was going to do my 'year-end retrospective' but I'm kind of tired and I don't think you'd appreciate it so instead I'm going to give you my TOP 11 POSTS OF THE YEAR because what better w > read more

Online Marketing

Blog Feed: Mental Poo

Home > Blog Directory > Newest Posts > Blog Feed: Mental Poo