Dump Digest

Our Favorite W. Cares About the Interests of all 52 States.

Published on 2007-04-27 05:00:00

In a recent interview with our incredibly astute leader, Dump Digest's newest reporter Mitchell Goosen sat down with the president to see how he feels about domestic issues.MG: Thank you for joining us Mr. President.W: You're welcome Mitch.MG: Mr. President, most questions asked to you of recent years have been directed at Iraq or other foreign issues such as global terrorism and North Korea. I wanted to know what you thought were the most vital domestic issues we face here in our own country.W

Rodney Pinkerton's Thoughts on....What the Hell is Trisodium Phosphate? And Why the Hell is it In My Cookie Crisp?

Published on 2007-03-20 05:00:00

Rodney Pinkerton's Thoughts on.... is an editorial section from the mind of the annoying guy that has to tell me his retarded ideas and theories about the world while I take the bus to work. I have tried to take other buses to get away from him, but he waits for me now. Unless I walk the fifteen miles, I am stuck hearing them. So now are you, if you choose to read them.I don't know who you are or what you want Trisodium Phosphate....but stay the eff out of my Cookie Crisp! You think you are so

1 Out of 10 Doctors Won't Lower Their Standards for Money.

Published on 2007-01-12 05:00:00

(9 out of 10 doctors are sell-outs)A recent study by The New England Journal of Doctors has shown that a whopping 90% of doctors recommend a product over its competitors if that product is presented to them in a bottle marked with green paper which has a depiction of Benjamin Frankin on it. Dr. John Germain headed the study which researched 2000 doctors all across America."We first laid out ten different brands of the same product and not one doctor could agree which, if any, was the best one,

Shannen Doherty Already in Spat with Co-host O'Donnell. 2 Months Before They Meet.

Published on 2006-07-15 05:00:00

It's just under two months before Shannen Doherty and Rosie O'Donnell start as co-hosts on ABC's The View, but that hasn't stopped Doherty from already causing tension on the set between her and her future colleague.A show insider has informed DD that the mood on the set has been glim since last week when Doherty, who has not actually been to the set, was rumored to have said about O'Donnell, "I can't work with that bitch anymore. I am the star people wanna see, but yet all I hear around the se

The Big F-YOU!

Published on 2006-07-06 05:00:00

(Who eats D.O.T.S?)We all need to vent sometimes, but Scott Carter (DD's society editor), needs to vent more than all of us. Dump Digest will now feature Scott's frustration in our new editorial-- The Big F-YOU!Here's The Big F-YOU! to the vending machine guy at my work. Not only do you show up when you feel like it, to replace the stale food you put in the machine, but you fill it with the most asinine products. Is there a mountain in my building I don't know about? Cause you got 3 effin rows o

Guy Buys Everything at Rite-Aid

Published on 2006-06-14 05:00:00

(Home Of Crap)"Yeah, Let me get a pack of Newports......and that box fan up there...and the DVD player and the patio set," said Michael Bradley in his local Rite-Aid.Michael, 57, realized a year ago that anything he needs for his house can be bought from the shelves behind the counter at his local Rite-Aid. Making his shopping fast and easy and his house a collection of crappy non-matching crap."Oh god! They have everything at Rite-Aid...TV's, radios, walkmen, pots, vibrators, plastic furnitur

The Big F-YOU!

Published on 2006-05-26 05:00:00

(Hey A**face! Act like you've actually beento a drive thru before!)We all need to vent sometimes, but Scott Carter (DD's society editor), needs to vent more than all of us. Dump Digest will now feature Scott's frustration in our new editorial-- The Big F-YOU!Here's The Big F-YOU! to the lady in front of me at the Wendy's drive-thru. First off, you spent a good 3 minutes at the speaker box ordering your effin' lunch; I don'’t know, maybe you knew the person in the box, and you decided to do a l

Baby Zahara Jolie-Pitt Pissed About Being Back in Africa.

Published on 2006-05-24 05:00:00

(Get me the Eff Outta Here!)Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been holed up in a compound in Africa for the past weeks awaiting the arrival of their first child together. While most of the couple's family are ecstatic, not all are sharing the bliss.Baby Zahara, Jolie's adoptive daughter, who is from Africa, is quite upset at being back in the motherland."What the F**k! This bit*h is crazy. Have you seen my house? We got top of the line everything; weight room, sauna, three pools, 72-inch Pla

Drunken Guys Believe Killer Was "Retarded". They So Would Have Done It Better.

Published on 2006-05-01 05:00:00

(Edwards, Co.-Home of Closet Psycopaths)Three 24 year olds from Edwards, Colorado, a rural community outside Vail, expressed their views on a local murderer John Stevens by proclaiming that Stevens was a complete idiot in his act. Stevens was found guilty of murdering his wife after DNA evidence proved it was Stevens blood that was found under her fingernails."What an effin moron. Doesn't he watch CSI? Doesn't he watch any TV? Gloves jerkface! Gloves! First rule of committing any crime. Al

Roadwork Employee Takes Time-Out From Cellphone to Fill "Stupid" Pothole.

Published on 2006-04-27 05:00:00

Darrell Thompson, 22, a roadwork crewmember in Denver, Colorado was quite annoyed on Monday when pressure from a**hole drivers forced him to take time away from talking on his cellphone to fill in a pothole that he was given all day to fill in."I just started at 8:00am, and it was only 11:00am at the time. So I am talking to my girl on the phone about developmental drugs that help ease rhumatoid arthritis, when all of a sudden some jerks who were too impatient to wait in the backed up traffic l