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IT'S A QUIET THING
Published on 2012-05-24 20:35:00
Almost 2 years BONGO IS ME has been open .. I have always found words to write.... but now I find myself in such a deep black hole .... that I have lost interest in > read more
struggling/ Blog closed
Published on 2012-05-17 18:52:00
It's no secret that I am > read more
BLOGGING AND FRIENDS/BLOG HOP
Published on 2012-05-01 12:04:00
Welcome to the 'Blogging and Friends' blog hop. > read more
IS IT A FULL MOON
Published on 2012-04-26 12:46:00
I haven't had the energy to write.. Ju Ju has been upfront lately.. being the > read more
WHAT DO YOU SEE
Published on 2012-04-21 14:13:00
So we went to the beach Friday.... so P could talk to Ju Ju.... she is creating havoc in and outside.. I wanted to know why.. I have no memory of anything that was said.... I just don't have enough awareness of Ju Ju .. like I do some of the others... I do remember Sam being there and she was able to touch P's face... I think that was a positive thing for her.. Sam doesn't allow me to embrace her... but she does allow me to take her hand.... P also allowed me a picture of her eyes... eyes t [..] > read more
THIS MOMENT
Published on 2012-04-20 11:56:00
THIS MOMENT A single photo No words capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remeadopted from > read more
UNLOCKING THE DOOR
Published on 2012-04-18 12:05:00
So while P was bouncin around.... I went into Sam's folder and took at the ones... > read more
REJECTION / NELIETA..REAL LIFE SERIES
Published on 2012-04-15 13:37:00
This is > read more
YOUNG..ALONE...SCARED
Published on 2012-04-14 16:58:00
I've never gone back and read my own posts... if I did nothing would get published... but since I have been struggling > read more
Announcing 'Blogging and Friends' Blog Hop
Published on 2012-04-13 11:40:00
Recently, I participated in a Blog Hop I truly enjoyed. It gave me the opportunity to meet many new Bloggers, and read new material that I would have otherwise missed. > read more
SAND PLAY...REALLY???????
Published on 2012-04-12 12:31:00
She moved things off the table.. I knew her intent... she lifted the lid and there is was sand.. I took out people and buried them in the sand... > read more
I DON'T DO DEATH
Published on 2012-04-11 12:10:00
True to words.. I told P I was gonna write... and write I will.... . We talked about a recent suicide I learned about (RIP Sancheeta Biswas..the pain is over ) and we talked about a family I know with a 4 year old daughter... who has an aggressive malignant brain tumor... (praying for you Natalie) I didn't wanna continue talkin about this.. I DON'T DO DEATH... I assume P will keep bringing it up.. But I am done with that.. We walked around the building a few times to get some > read more
WE'RE STUCK
Published on 2012-04-10 11:00:00
So much to say .... and so few words I can find.. I saw P today and she did what I had asked of her...that was to... not let me distract and avoid.. So we were able to touch on some stuff....... I was still too > read more
TEARS FROM FEAR
Published on 2012-04-09 11:44:00
I have tears today..tears from fear... today is the day we were supposed to go back to trauma work.. I just couldn't do it.. I wasn't ready.... ready what is ready???? I had some light and some dark this weekend... Easter is a trigger for me.. Not the church and God stuff... but the decorations..ester baskets...eggs..flowers.. so Friday I took a nose dive down.. Then I started to receive calls and messages on... Skype from people that were not on my contact list.. They were horrible message [..] > read more
THIS MOMENT
Published on 2012-04-06 11:34:00
THIS MOMENT A single photo No words Who do you think rides around in this???? capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remeadopted from > read more
FINDING BALANCE
Published on 2012-04-04 12:11:00
I saw P today and was much relieved to see her... She looked much better then she had these last weeks... thank fully she was able to get a full nights sleep... she held me and held my hand ..it was nice to be close to her again.... I had missed her giggle ...but it was back today... so today was a mish mosh session.... It's good to have those once in awhile.... we talked about her and her son... we talked about me the good and the bad... She knows I am stuck in a > read more
CHANGING WHAT'S REAL MONTH 6
Published on 2012-04-04 06:50:00
THINGS CHANGE
Published on 2012-03-31 14:04:00
I have seen such turmoil in the last few weeks.... I am amazed how things change so quickly.... not only in my own life but in the lives around me.... I have wanted to write... but have feared doing that as of late... it is a feeble attempt at keeping... myself and all inside safe.... I have been in this place before... where I have had to keep everything quiet inside.... The noise is still there .. just not > read more
YOU TUBE TUESDAY/ I LOOK TO YOU
Published on 2012-03-27 11:28:00
Originating , at > read more
TOGETHER...I LOVE YOU
Published on 2012-03-25 18:44:00
This post is a little different.... kind of... P is still away from the office.... in the throws of a family emergency.... and I am overwhelmed ... with such mixed emotions. True to my words ... I am bouncing back and forth... even struggling with the right words here... then again what are > read more
I AM HERE / TOGETHER
Published on 2012-03-22 21:33:00
I have been trying to write for a few days now..... and I just haven't had the words..... sometimes there is just so many thoughts, emotions, voices....etc.. that I just can't slow down enough to get the thoughts out of my head ..... everything is just stuck..... I've talked about my Abandonment issues quite a lot here..... and this week my mind is in chaos.... my mind is playing incredible games with me..... P was gone for the 2 days and during that time had a family emergency.. so she has h [..] > read more
CHANGING WHAT'S REAL 5
Published on 2012-03-20 20:46:00
A NEW LOOK A FACELIFT......
Published on 2012-03-19 22:41:00
BONGO IS ME... got a facelift..... I'd love to here what you think..... go ahead.... leave a comment below... i really want to know honestly what you think... goood... bad..... or indifferent.... As > read more
SHE HELD US
Published on 2012-03-17 18:22:00
Looking down from the ceiling.... I see a 9 year old girl named Sam... being tortured ..... her young innocent body being .. tied.... prodded... scraped..... gasping for breath as he lays on top of her.... blood trickling between her legs... all the while I above am feeling the pain she endures.... fast forward.... I am lying on the floor curled up and crying.... realizing that Sam had what she wanted... I...me...Bonnie am now feeling what I have so tried to avoid... I was stuck in what is k [..] > read more
SILENCED ONCE MORE
Published on 2012-03-15 12:35:00
It's been a really weird couple of weeks.... the emotions are high... and the tears don't stop.... even with P I am fighting the tears still.... I'm fighting everything.... the words are not coming out of my mouth..... I'm becoming more and more frustrated and and.... with that comes discouragement...... wanting to give up.... I've gone back to binging and purging ....... for lack of another way to hurt myself..... the urge to cut and cut deep is becoming stronger..... the suicide ideation r [..] > read more
BOXING THERAPY SESSION
Published on 2012-03-12 14:09:00
Today was like a boxing match with P.... I boxed all the time with Z... but not with P..... Bongo and I were both there.and Sam was desperately trying to come out to P... I and Bongo tried hard to avoid and distract the best we could..... we didn't want P in our head today.... and so we boxed.... which took a lot of energy.... It started when we woke up... I didn't wanna see P today.. and Bongo fought to get me there.. Bongo won and was the one who showed up .... I showed anger over the weeke [..] > read more
I HAVE BEEN LOST
Published on 2012-03-10 11:53:00
I have been lost... swimming in some great abyss... P thinks I have been on some private beach in my mind.... I don't know if she's right or not... I can tell you I thought I was dead... no one was more surprised then I myself when I emerged back into this sea of pain.... wherever I was .. I know I was at peace with no suffering or pain... I would like nothing more then to go back there.... things have changed... I am further from Sam then ever before.... yet I feel more love for Bongo... I a [..] > read more
THIS MOMENT
Published on 2012-03-09 13:04:00
THIS MOMENT A single photo No words Who's feet ya suppose these are??? capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remeadopted from SouleMama which was introduced to me by SJ If you find yourself touched by a Moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section. > read more
Z's VOICE
Published on 2012-03-07 18:10:00
About a year and a half ago, when Z said he was leaving. He made a tape of his voice bringing Bonnie to her beach.. I had the bright idea Of Bringing the tape to P today and using it, in hopes that Bonnie would hear Z's voice and come forward. Seeing how it was me with Z for the first 6 years or so. I also got used to his voice. It was I Bongo that had most of the interaction with Z. Bonnie did computer stuff. but I protected us and I was the one who loved the laughter. We played the tape and [..] > read more
NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU CRY
Published on 2012-03-05 14:08:00
I've lost track of the days now, but here I am Bongo, still out front... I feel very weak compared to who I used to be. I was the strong one, the one that would take care of everything and everyone. I never ever cried a tear. I was the one that laughed, was bubbly, everyone liked me. Now I the strong one feels very weak, and my tears don't stop. I feel as if I am in this large black hole. This thing called DID has me very confused. P has tried to explain, but truth is , I don't understand. Bon [..] > read more
BONNIE WENT AWAY
Published on 2012-03-03 15:42:00
This is Bongo writing...... we all had a terrible day yesterday..... when we went to the beach somehow Sam was left out..... she has never been out before.. and to my surprise Bonnie stayed back.... I took Sam back to the apt where she sat crying scared and alone waiting for Bonnie... At some point Bonnie had spoken to her mother who said she was coping fine and didn't need therapy anymore... this news crushed and angered Bonnie.. at that point Bonnie got very angry and pushed Sam away and throu [..] > read more
Comparison: The Thief of Joy
Published on 2012-03-01 13:15:00
Corinne, the author of Everyday Gyaan has invited bloggers to participate in a Blog Hop from March 1st- March 10th. She and Linda Lee came up with this wonderful idea and will be sharing their opposing views as well. 'the linky provided at DangerousLinda or EverydayGyaan' with appropriate links to those sites. Be sure to read and comment on other bloggers’ posts in the hop. It’s a great way to get to know each other and expand our cyber-community of awesome writers and thinker [..] > read more
A CELEBRATION THANK YOU
Published on 2012-02-28 08:21:00
This is a different post.....this is a special post.... I have never been about stats .... but this one is big... and I thought a celebration was in order.... Today I reached a milestone.... before I say what that milestone is I want to say.... thank you ..to YOU... To everyone who has just passed by.. to everyone who has left me a hug, a prayer..and some love... to everyone who has encouraged me along the way.... to everyone who has let me know I am NEVER alone.... to everyone who has come a [..] > read more
PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME
Published on 2012-02-26 15:28:00
I feel i'll be judged with this post... I mean how can someone have a smiling laughing moment... and then dive down into such darkness..... well this is how this Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder) works... I never know from day to day... who will be out and what the noise in my head has me do..... I like the laughing smiling moments.... they are a breather for my brian..... and I detest the dark abyss I always end up back in...... that's where I am now .. in the dark abyss..... I am he [..] > read more
THIS MOMENT
Published on 2012-02-24 11:33:00
THIS MOMENT A single photo No words Yup we did it again!!!!!!!!!!! TOTALLY UN PLANNED 4 FOR 4 THANK YOU P capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remeadopted from SouleMama which was introduced to me by Sarah-Jane, of ALMOST THERE. If you find yourself touched by a Moment and would like to participate, post your picture on a Friday and leave your link in the comments section. > read more