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Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus
Published on 2012-03-13 16:03:56
Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus .. Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit Here Both Looked At Each Other And The Seat Remained Empty > read more
Which is the most Dangerous alphabet
Published on 2012-03-12 13:32:24
Which is the most Dangerous alphabet! Ans.’W’ Bcoz all worries start with”W” Who? Why? What? When? Which? Whom? Where? War, Wine, Women & Finally “Wife” > read more
I hate that beggar
Published on 2012-03-12 13:20:47
Wife : I hate that beggar. Husband : Why? Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave me a book “How to Cook” !! > read more
Talking on the phone for about half an hour
Published on 2012-03-11 04:23:28
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. “Wow!,” said her father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?” “Wrong number,” replied the girl. > read more
I wish I was a newspaper
Published on 2012-03-11 04:12:02
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper, So I’d be in your hands all day. Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper, So I could have a new one everyday. > read more
Love letter to my girlfriend
Published on 2012-03-11 03:56:15
A Five year old boy was trying to write a letter Dad: What are you writing my son ?? Son: Love letter to my girlfriend !!! Dad: Do you know how to write ?? Son: No!!! So what… She also doesn’t know how to read It’s Love Dad you won’t Understand…. :P > read more
Two factory workers are talking
Published on 2012-01-31 12:56:08
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m [...] > read more
A Rat and Lion were living in jungle
Published on 2012-01-31 12:51:16
A Rat and Lion were living in jungle… One day an angel comes to jungle and tells both of them to make three wishes… Lion’s 1st wish~ convert all the male lions of my AREA into female… Rat’s 1st wish~ give me a SUPERBIKE… Lion’s 2nd wish~ convert all the male lions of this JUNGLE [...] > read more
This is business!
Published on 2012-01-28 13:14:19
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice. Son: No Dad: The girl is Bill Gate’s daughter. … Son: then Ok. Dad goes to Bill Gates. Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son. Bill Gates: No Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank. Bill Gates: Than ok [...] > read more
Two terrorists having discussion in a bar
Published on 2012-01-28 12:56:55
Two terrorists having discussion in a bar. The waiter asks them what the discussion was about? Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey.. Waiter :- Why a donkey? Then one terrorist says to the other, “See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people > read more
My ATTITUDE
Published on 2012-01-28 12:48:42
My ATTITUDE… Someone proposed me.. I said : Am not accepting your proposel.. But i salute your CHOICE :P :D > read more
A drunken man is driving through the city of Dublin
Published on 2011-11-21 12:48:25
A drunken man is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. “So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?“ “I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a [...] > read more
Yesterday I saw a very Beautiful Girl
Published on 2011-11-21 12:46:22
Wife: Yesterday I saw a very Beautiful Girl. Husband: Really ?? Then what happened? Wife: I just kept on Admiring her, On & On.. Husband (Gets Irritated): But, what happened then? Wife Smiled & said: Then What ?? I Simply Moved away from the Mirror !!! > read more
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop
Published on 2011-07-18 06:49:41
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit, [...] > read more
Three ministers flying on the Executive Airbus
Published on 2011-07-01 14:29:18
Prime Minister Paul Martin, Finance Minister Ralph Goodale, and Revenue Minister John McCallum are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in British Columbia when Martin turns to Goodale and says, chuckling, “You know, I could throw a $1 > read more
Wife vs Husband
Published on 2011-07-01 14:22:59
Wife: There’s something preying on my mind. Husband: Don’t worry, it’ll soon die of starvation. > read more
A man on a bike was stopped at the border by police
Published on 2011-07-01 14:20:19
A man on a bike was stopped at the border by police assigned to investigate goods transported across both states. He carried a bag of sand. On perusing through however, the cop found nothing else in the bag and therefore let him go. The next day this > read more
A little boy tries to breake a world record
Published on 2011-07-01 14:15:29
There was this little boy that read an article one day. It was about this man holding a world record of holding poop in his hand for the longest time (25 years). So the boy decided that he was going to poop in his hand. So the boy went off to school > read more
A boy went to his grandfather’s house
Published on 2011-07-01 14:12:37
A boy went to his grandfather’s house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfather “Grandpa is this plate clean?” “As clean as cold water can get them.” > read more
Osama Bin-Laden started believing in astrology
Published on 2011-05-14 16:26:34
Osama Bin-Laden started believing in astrology and went to a special astrologist to ask him when will be the day he dies. “You will die on an American holiday”, said the astrologist. “How can you be so sure of that?” asked Bin > read more
Young man asked an old rich man how he made his money
Published on 2011-05-14 16:24:30
Young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.” “I invested that nickel in an app > read more
A mother took her little boy to church
Published on 2011-05-14 16:17:20
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.” The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on wheneve > read more
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out
Published on 2011-05-14 16:14:45
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, “My son’s choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!” A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He > read more
The last wishes
Published on 2011-05-14 15:46:45
Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. “Sidney thought of everything,” she told them. “Just before he died, Sidney called me to h > read more
A lawyer talking to his client
Published on 2011-05-14 15:39:31
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news. Client: Well, give me the bad news first. Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene Client: Oh no! I’m ruined! What’s the > read more
A man with two black eyes
Published on 2011-05-11 17:10:53
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. > read more
A men in a mental hospital
Published on 2011-05-11 17:06:06
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall > read more
A guy goes to a whorehouse
Published on 2011-05-11 17:00:00
This guy goes to a whorehouse and says to the Madam, “I want to get screwed.” The Madam tells him to go up to room #12 and knock on the door. The guy walks up to the door, knocks on it, and says, “I really want to get screwed, bad!& > read more
Little Johnny walks by his parents bedroom
Published on 2011-05-11 16:56:29
Little Johnny is walking by his parent’s bedroom when he hears a lot of noise. He opens the door and sees his dad with his mom bent over the dresser having sex. Dad looks at Little Johnny and smiles, gives him a wink and motions for Johnny to l > read more
A man and a woman in a plane
Published on 2011-05-11 16:52:15
A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back > read more
A powerfully-built guy meets a woman
Published on 2011-05-10 14:22:57
A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms a > read more
Murphy’s Laws of Computing
Published on 2011-05-10 14:15:41
When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual wher > read more
A husband and wife shopping at Wal-Mart
Published on 2011-05-10 14:08:51
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife. ‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,’ > read more
A man speaking with God
Published on 2011-05-10 14:06:34
The man: “God, how long is a million years?” God: “To me, it’s about a minute.” The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?” God: “To me it’s a penny.” The man: “God, may I have a pe > read more
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding
Published on 2011-05-10 14:03:39
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding… Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma’am, I’m afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I wo > read more
Shoplifting in a supermarket
Published on 2011-05-10 13:59:13
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket. When she went before the judge he asked her, ‘What did you steal?’ She replied, ‘A can of peaches.’ The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of p > read more
Birth certificate
Published on 2011-05-10 13:47:04
Yo momma so ugly her birth certificate is an apology letter! > read more
A blonde stewardess
Published on 2011-05-10 13:42:41
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next > read more
The true meaning of a name
Published on 2011-05-09 16:05:39
A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a > read more
The cruel truth
Published on 2011-05-09 15:57:29
“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?” To which she replied “Probably that I marrie > read more
A woman praying
Published on 2011-05-09 15:51:22
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death. AMEN > read more
Religion and Marriage
Published on 2011-05-09 15:39:38
Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’ Joe: ‘Really?’ Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell…’ > read more
A little boy asks he’s father a question
Published on 2011-05-09 15:34:17
A little boy went up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?” The father replied, “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.” > read more
A frog calling the Psychic Hotline
Published on 2011-05-09 15:26:29
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful > read more
Al Gore and George Bush
Published on 2011-05-09 15:20:05
Q. Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring? A. He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney. > read more
An old couple get’s married
Published on 2011-05-09 15:18:17
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind th > read more
An elderly man goes into his doctors office
Published on 2011-05-09 15:15:40
An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, “I’m sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live.” “Bu > read more
A magician and a parrot
Published on 2011-05-09 15:08:48
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was one problem. The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did > read more
The Man Of The House
Published on 2011-05-09 15:06:25
Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘You Can Be The Man of Your House.’ He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, ‘From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, [...] > read more
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman
Published on 2011-05-08 15:31:45
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” The second Catholic man chirps, “My son i > read more
An old man and a woman
Published on 2011-05-08 15:29:39
An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?” “Are you nuts?!” she replies, and keeps walking away. He t > read more
A woman playing golf
Published on 2011-05-08 15:23:09
A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro. When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit t > read more
Third-grade test
Published on 2011-05-08 15:20:01
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’ Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’ > read more
3 great kings
Published on 2011-05-08 15:15:08
Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king. > read more
Happy birthday
Published on 2011-05-08 15:13:48
A man named Bill woke up on his birthday. His wife and kids didn’t even say good morning to him. So, he left for work in a huff. His receptionist, Joanna, said happy birthday. “Thanks, Joanna. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s > read more
Special letter
Published on 2011-05-08 15:11:57
Dear Abby, I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with > read more
What do elves learn in school?
Published on 2010-12-11 12:52:02
Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: What’s the most popular wine at Christmas? A: “I don’t like sprouts” ! Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you c > read more
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Published on 2010-12-11 09:57:27
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. ! Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles ! What’s Christmas called in England ? Yule Britannia ! What did the bald man say when he got a comb for > read more
I’m the part of the bird that’s not in the sky
Published on 2010-08-24 13:30:02
I’m the part of the bird that’s not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I? A shadow. I am mother and father, but never birth or nurse. I’m rarely still, but I never wander. What am I? A tree. I went into > read more
No sooner spoken than broken
Published on 2010-08-24 13:28:46
No sooner spoken than broken. What is it? Silence. A secret. A certain crime is punishable if attempted but not punishable if committed. What is it? Suicide. Coup d’etat. You use a knife to slice my head and weep beside me when I am dead. What > read more
I run over fields and woods all day
Published on 2010-08-24 13:27:13
I run over fields and woods all day. Under the bed at night I sit not alone. My tongue hangs out, up and to the rear, awaiting to be filled in the morning. What am I? A shoe. Throw it off the highest building, and I’ll not break. But put me in > read more
I have holes in my top and bottom
Published on 2010-08-24 13:25:30
I have holes in my top and bottom, my left and right, and in the middle. But I still hold water. What am I? A sponge. Give me food, and I will live; give me water, and I will die. What am I? Fire. The man who invented it doesn’t want it. The ma > read more
What can you catch but not throw?
Published on 2010-08-24 13:24:06
What can you catch but not throw? A cold. I can run but not walk. Wherever I go, thought follows close behind. What am I? A nose. What’s black and white and red all over? An embarrassed skunk. A zebra painted red. A sunburned penguin. A newspap > read more
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
Published on 2010-08-24 13:20:05
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries? A towel. You throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What did you eat? An ear of corn. A chicken. What goes up and down the stairs without moving? > read more
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
Published on 2010-08-24 12:33:35
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - Well, it’s the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving Marriage – an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woma > read more
Why do brides wear white?
Published on 2010-08-24 12:30:06
Q: Why do brides wear white? A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen. One day a man inserted an ‘advert’ in the local classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: > read more
What was he before you married him?
Published on 2010-08-24 12:21:42
A woman was telling her friend , “It was I who made my husband a millionaire.” “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend. The woman replied, ” A multi-millionaire”. > read more
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen
Published on 2010-04-29 12:29:23
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Bush asks how she knows if they’re intelligent. “I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Queen. “Allow me to demonstrate.” [...] > read more
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club
Published on 2010-04-22 14:47:27
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving range. The man goes up first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says, “Not bad, Now hold your club as [...] > read more
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry
Published on 2010-04-22 14:45:33
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam paper: “Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it [...] > read more
A little old lady slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop
Published on 2010-04-21 08:43:59
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: “Ddddooo youuuu hhhave ddddildosss?” [...] > read more
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home
Published on 2010-04-19 10:00:09
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large [...] > read more
Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years
Published on 2010-04-19 09:57:42
Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the [...] > read more
The CIA had an opening for an assassin
Published on 2010-04-18 07:26:52
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you [...] > read more
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day
Published on 2010-04-16 11:53:15
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?” [...] > read more
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday
Published on 2010-04-16 11:46:01
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I [...] > read more
Two engineering students were walking across campus
Published on 2010-04-15 09:18:30
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, [...] > read more
Air traffic controller
Published on 2010-04-15 09:03:41
Air traffic controller: “Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.” Airline pilot: “But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?” Air Traffic controller: “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?” > read more
A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop
Published on 2010-04-14 03:38:46
A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at him hard. Annoyed by the stares the guy asked him, “Wotz up oldie! Never done something wild?” To this the old man replied, “Yeah,I f*cked a [...] > read more
Why was the name “P.M.S.” chosen ?
Published on 2010-04-14 02:52:41
Why was the name “P.M.S.” chosen ? Because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken. > read more
Chuck Norris can drown a fish
Published on 2010-04-12 11:53:39
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. When Chuck Norris runs backwards during a fight, it may seem like he’s retreating. He’s not. He’s just attacking from another direction. Chuck Norris once beat the sun at a staring contest. Chuck Norris doesn’t listen to music, music listens to him. > read more
Why is it hard to play the card game “Uno”
Published on 2010-04-11 12:38:02
Q: Why is it hard to play the card game “Uno” with a group of Mexicans? A: Because they all take the green cards. > read more
What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?
Published on 2010-04-11 11:56:56
Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ? A: a baboom > read more
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Published on 2010-04-08 13:04:44
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund! Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says “okay!” Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!” Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. Yo momma so fat [...] > read more
Genuine advert. in New York Newspaper
Published on 2010-04-08 12:45:02
Genuine advert. in New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f## king everything. > read more
Dirty job
Published on 2010-04-08 10:43:25
A husband and wife are eating soup
Published on 2010-04-07 15:13:03
A husband and wife are eating soup. the wife spills soup all over her and says: “Oh no, I look like a pig” “yes and you also have soup all over you!” > read more
What can be better?
Published on 2010-04-07 08:41:21
Friends forever
Published on 2010-04-07 08:35:42
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York
Published on 2010-04-02 16:31:31
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all [...] > read more
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school
Published on 2010-03-31 16:31:07
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in [...] > read more
Your manager showing his tender appreciation
Published on 2010-03-30 13:26:30
Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants?
Published on 2010-03-29 14:59:02
Q. Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants? A. In case he got a hole in one. > read more
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle
Published on 2010-03-26 17:06:12
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, “For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one.” The man thought for a [...] > read more
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen
Published on 2010-03-24 17:01:38
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last [...] > read more
Romanian Street
Published on 2010-03-20 17:12:43
Dump people
Published on 2010-03-20 10:16:50
7up commercial [banned]
Published on 2010-03-18 15:51:58
A story about the Boss
Published on 2010-03-17 12:48:41
A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman he spotted dining alone. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,”This is from the gentleman seated over there,” indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and decided to [...] > read more
Kuwait Women Roles
Published on 2010-03-17 12:26:39
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, [...] > read more
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office
Published on 2010-03-17 12:05:30
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die”. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, [...] > read more
Buying a new rifle
Published on 2010-03-17 11:52:49
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, ‘This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way [...] > read more
A blonde goes in to take a tennis lesson
Published on 2010-03-17 11:51:47
A blonde goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says ‘OK, just grip it like you do your husband’s member’. After that, the blonde immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The [...] > read more
Marriage – Before and After
Published on 2010-03-16 14:39:56
Before Marriage: John – Ah… At last, I can hardly wait! Jane – Do you want me to leave? John – NO! Don’t even think about it. Jane – Do you love me? John – Of course! Always have and always will! Jane – Have you ever cheated on me? John – NO! Why are [...] > read more
School 1958 – 2008
Published on 2010-03-16 14:16:46
Scenario : Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. 1958 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack. 2008 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never [...] > read more
Alligator Shoes
Published on 2010-03-16 14:09:15
A Young Blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices. “I’ll just catch my own alligator,” she told one shopkeeper,” so I can get a pair of shoes for free.” She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp. Later, as [...] > read more
Parachute Jumping
Published on 2010-03-16 14:06:29
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?” “That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you [...] > read more
Leggy Blonde
Published on 2010-03-16 13:56:28
What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They’ve never met. > read more
Life Science Final Exam
Published on 2010-03-16 11:25:37
The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can’t [...] > read more
New Virus Warning
Published on 2010-03-16 11:23:37
This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It [...] > read more
The Doctor’s Receptionist
Published on 2010-03-16 11:06:02
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk…. The Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my dick”, he replied. The Receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.” [...] > read more
Hangovers
Published on 2010-03-16 10:50:36
One Star Hangover (*) No pain, no real feeling of illness. You’re able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink five sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a Philly sub and steak fries. Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. [...] > read more
Unusual Funeral
Published on 2010-03-16 10:43:31
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a [...] > read more
What do you want for breakfast?
Published on 2010-03-14 11:32:43
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I [...] > read more
Computer Diagnosis
Published on 2010-03-14 11:13:24
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go toa computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. “Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can [...] > read more
Johnny and Jenny getting married
Published on 2010-03-14 11:11:10
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in [...] > read more
Obsessed Mothers And Their Children
Published on 2010-03-14 11:03:05
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” the doctor observed. To the 1st mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.” He looks to the 2nd mother, “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your [...] > read more
Bill Goes Missing
Published on 2010-03-14 08:02:32
Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to Feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn’t show up. Sam didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn’t shown up for a week or so, [...] > read more
64 TV Axioms
Published on 2010-03-14 08:01:20
64 TV Axioms: - Good guys always shoot better than bad guys. - Good guys are always outnumbered. - Good guys always win and get the girl. - Good guys are always good looking. - Good guys are the only ones with a sense of humor. - Good guys will only get shot in the [...] > read more
Artificial Intelligence
Published on 2010-03-14 07:55:56
A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel. As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D’ was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and said, “Sir, there is a one hour wait. And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, If [...] > read more
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Published on 2010-03-13 12:39:20
This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers: * Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”. * Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help. * Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. * For those of you who have children and don’t [...] > read more
Twist Again…
Published on 2010-03-13 12:28:16
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue’s father answers and invites him in. “Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says. “That’s [...] > read more
Saving Up for 60 Years
Published on 2010-03-13 12:26:39
The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinkle in [...] > read more
A Recent Survey
Published on 2010-03-13 12:24:14
5,000 men were asked to? complete a survey on what they liked best about ” Oral Sex ? “: a.. 3% liked the warmth. b.. 4% enjoyed the sensation. c.. 93% appreciated the silence > read more
Do You Have a Vagina?
Published on 2010-03-13 12:09:00
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it [...] > read more
Two Men from Ireland
Published on 2010-03-13 12:05:05
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks: “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s [...] > read more
Bra Sizes Explained
Published on 2010-03-13 11:52:25
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for… It is about time you became informed: A … Almost Boobs B … Barely there. C … Can’t Complain! D [...] > read more
Short Men Jokes (part one)
Published on 2010-03-13 11:51:37
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t work. How do men define a “50/50″ relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle. How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a [...] > read more
Real advertisements 02
Published on 2010-03-13 05:28:10
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is [...] > read more
Real advertisements 04
Published on 2010-03-13 05:27:15
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. [...] > read more
Signs and notices 06
Published on 2010-03-13 05:23:46
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in a realtor’s office: “Lots for little.” Sign in a shoe store: “Come in and have a fit.” Sign in a maternity clothes store: “We are open on labor day.” Sign in a non-smoking area: “If we see you smoking we will assume [...] > read more
Signs and notices 09
Published on 2010-03-13 05:22:27
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations. Sign in an office: “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.” Sign in a veterinary’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!” Sign on music teachers’ door: “Out Chopin.” Sign at the electic company: “We would be delighted [...] > read more
Wrong place wrong time
Published on 2010-03-12 14:45:39
The following is supposedly a true story. Rory Johnson, 29, was arrested in May for a liquor store robbery in Elkhart, Ind. Johnson had parked in the back of the store to facilitate his getaway but had trouble exiting because of congestion due to road construction. Five minutes after the robbery, he was sitting in [...] > read more
Twenty Things a Guy Learned From Action Movies
Published on 2010-03-12 14:27:19
1. No matter what my problem is, it’s the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she’s cold or not [...] > read more
Crossing the border
Published on 2010-03-12 14:18:45
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. “Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, [...] > read more
Make Up Your Mind
Published on 2010-03-12 13:45:15
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!” > read more
BLONDE DIET
Published on 2010-03-12 13:35:03
A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day. Repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. “The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When [...] > read more
WHEN I GROW UP
Published on 2010-03-12 13:16:12
Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says: “when I grow up, I want to be prostitute!” Sister Catherine’s eyes grow wide and she barks: “what in the name of God did you say?” “A prostitute,” Sheila repeats. Sister [...] > read more
JAMES BOND’S HEAVENLY MISSION
Published on 2010-03-12 13:14:48
M sends James Bond on a secret mission to heaven. When M doesn’t hear from Bond for over a day, he gets worried and calls up heaven. The Virgin Mary picks up the phone and says “Virgin Mary speaking.” M asks her if Bond has reached there yet. She replies that he hasn’t. M waits [...] > read more
God says to Adam
Published on 2010-03-12 12:59:08
God says to Adam, “I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?” Adam says, “Tell me the good news first.” God says, “I’m going to give you a penis and a brain. You’ll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect.” Adam replies, “Wonderful! But what’s the [...] > read more
Road Sign
Published on 2010-03-12 12:58:18
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Joseph: The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!” > read more
A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba
Published on 2010-03-12 12:56:15
A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, “Hey [...] > read more
Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging
Published on 2010-03-12 12:55:22
Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says: “Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow”. The second one says: “Ha! You think that’s fast! My father is a [...] > read more
Gay bar blues
Published on 2010-03-12 12:50:49
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same [...] > read more
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market
Published on 2010-03-10 11:56:08
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?” “The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have [...] > read more
Quotes From The Perfect Man
Published on 2010-03-10 11:51:53
Quotes From The Perfect Man There ought to be a law against those porno movies. Can you believe that there are guys that would actually, want their wives to do those things they show? My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don’t you use the money my parents gave us to get something [...] > read more
A first-grade class comes in from recess
Published on 2010-03-09 13:13:15
A first-grade class comes in from recess, and the teacher asks a little girl what she did outside. “I played in the sandbox,” she says. “That’s good,” replies the teacher. “Go to the blackboard, and if you can write sand correctly, I’ll give you a cookie.” The girl gets her treat, and the teacher asks [...] > read more
Men are like coffee
Published on 2010-03-09 09:25:05
Men are like coffee.The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night. > read more
Sleeping couple
Published on 2010-03-09 09:19:56
Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. The couple wakes up. Woman: “Quick! My husband is back!” Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: “Shit! But I am the husband!” > read more
There’s 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde
Published on 2010-03-07 09:07:07
There’s 1 redhead 1 brunette and 1 blonde. Their all at the NASA space center. The redhead says to the flight technician “I want to go to the moon”. The flight technician says she can go tomorrow. The brunette says “I want to go to Mars”. He says she can go next week. The blonde [...] > read more
A young journalism graduate from Arkansas
Published on 2010-03-07 07:32:45
A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, he [...] > read more