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Santorum: Women Back in Kitchen Only Way to Stop Right-Wing Domestic Terrorism

Posted on 12/21/2015 08:43:25 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania declared the only way to stop male Caucasians from using their guns and dangerous right-wing ideology in acts of domestic terrorism was to put women back in the kitc..

Woman Outraged No One Keeping Her from Saying "Merry Christmas"

Posted on 12/20/2015 07:29:34 PM

PENSACOLA, FLORIDA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, avid Fox News viewer and Glenn Beck listener Nora Jolly declared she was outraged no one was stopping her from saying "Merry Christmas." Jolly - a casual church-goer who prefers to converse with God directly - told TNA she actively attempted to provoke ..

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin Sexting for Over Six Months

Posted on 12/19/2015 03:11:31 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump confirmed reports he had been sexting with Russian President Vladimir Putin for over six months. Governor of Ohio John Kasich - a rival Republican presidential candidate, who refuses to make public the "ver..

Turkey Buying Oil from Small Businessmen in All-Black Clothing

Posted on 12/16/2015 08:48:14 PM

ANKARA, TURKEY (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, an anonymous high-ranking source inside the Turkish government informed TNA that Turkey was illegally purchasing oil from small businessmen wearing all-black clothing. The source asserted many of the small businessmen were very likely active m..

"Militia" Not Referring to Militias Formed in Friend's Backyard

Posted on 12/15/2015 12:19:03 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari)- Earlier today, TNA released a report following its consultation with Second Amendment experts from every academic corner of the United States regarding the "well regulated militia." The scholars confirmed the Second Amendment was not referring to treasonous militias fo..

Corporate Media: Bernie Sanders "Too Serious" for American People

Posted on 12/13/2015 04:43:09 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the largest corporate media outlets in the United States confessed they were purposely ignoring U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - a Democratic presidential candidate - as much as they could. The corporate media syndicate asserted Sanders was "too serious..

Preliminary GOP Healthcare Plan Slated for Unveiling in 2219

Posted on 12/09/2015 08:16:48 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) declared Congressional Republicans will unveil their preliminary plan to replace Obamacare in 2219. Ryan urged Americans not to be concerned about Republicans incessantly attempting to kill the Affordable Care Act, because a plan to ..

Ted Cruz Eager for Donald Trump's Sloppy Seconds

Posted on 12/09/2015 11:24:55 AM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and U.S. Senator Ted Cruz of Texas declared he was avoiding political attacks on opponent and billionaire Donald Trump in order to woo Trump's supporters after they have dumped Trump. Cruz conceded it was critical for h..

Donald Trump Declares Himself an Expert on Wind Power

Posted on 12/05/2015 04:42:18 PM

COLUMBUS, OHIO (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and megalomaniac billionaire Donald Trump told voters he was an expert on wind power, and viewed wind as the most reliable and realistic renewable energy source. Trump pointed to the well-documented fact that his mouth rout..

Cow Dung Bust of Dick Cheney Unveiled, Iraqis Throw Shoes at It

Posted on 12/03/2015 01:20:32 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a cow dung bust of former Vice President Dick Cheney was unveiled in the Capitol Visitor Center's Emancipation Hall. The unveiling ceremony attracted the likes of former President George W. Bush and Iraqi dignitaries, who threw their shoes at both the c..

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