Humor Articles

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Citizens of Christian Nation Assault Each Other for Digital Toasters

Posted on 11/27/2015 02:04:59 PM

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, citizens of a Christian nation assaulted each other to get their hands on a finite supply of heavily discounted 4-slice digital toasters at a well-known national department store. The American Christians used their fists, feet, and a wide varie..

GOP Thankful for Sabotaged Education System Keeping Party Viable

Posted on 11/26/2015 01:49:03 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) declared it was thankful for an American education system so broken and preoccupied by standardized testing it helped the Republican Party remain a viable political party. The RNC also claimed responsibility for the endl..

President of Turkey Blackout Drunk When Russian Plane Downed

Posted on 11/25/2015 06:43:58 PM

ANKARA, TURKEY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan announced he was "blackout drunk" when he ordered a Russian Su-24 shot down on Tuesday. Erdoğan claimed to be completely sober again, and declared there was no reason for Russia to station naval vessels with anti-air..

Trump Invites Black Lives Matter Activists to "Dogs & Fire Hoses Rally"

Posted on 11/22/2015 05:29:11 PM

PHOENIX, ARIZONA (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and extremely bored billionaire Donald Trump invited Black Lives Matter activists to his "Dogs & Fire Hoses Rally" in Phoenix later this week in order to open a dialogue. Trump supporters are being enco..

Republicans Earn Bonuses for Exceeding ISIS Recruiting Goals

Posted on 11/18/2015 02:21:17 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Islamic State (ISIS) announced many prominent Republican politicians - including many GOP presidential candidates - will receive cash bonuses for exceeding ISIS's recruiting goals. The Islamic State explained Republican opposition to Syrian refugees being a..

Jeb: No Non-Christian Syrian Refugees, "Let God Sort Them Out"

Posted on 11/17/2015 05:30:33 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, struggling Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush declared only Syrian refugees who were Christians should be allowed into the United States. Bush asserted Syrian refugees who practiced Islam should be left in Syria to..

TPP to Protect American Freedom to Not Afford Medicine

Posted on 11/16/2015 12:18:29 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, President Obama announced the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) - a massive multinational trade deal the president intends to sign - will protect the freedom of all Americans to not afford life-saving medicines. Instead, TPP will allow pharmaceutical comp..

Hillary: First Woman President Worth Death of Middle Class

Posted on 11/15/2015 05:34:40 PM

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton told Americans electing the United States' first female president was worth the final collapse and permanent extinction of the American middle class. Clinton urged Americans to not ..

U.S. Vows to Bomb More Civilian Targets After Paris Attacks

Posted on 11/14/2015 02:01:21 PM

President Obama promises civilians in the Middle East will suffer the consequences for Islamic extremists attacking civilians in the West. WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) -  Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle Eas..

Ben Carson Recounts Last Days of Hitler's Life in Bunker

Posted on 11/13/2015 04:49:54 PM

DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson recounted his last days with Adolf Hitler before the Führer took his own life on April 30th, 1945. Dr. Carson told his supporters in Iowa that he had declined Hitler's offer to be ..

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