April 14, 2012

Dear Diary,

Thursday I will have a CT Scan.  My first scan of many more to come,  since having cancer removed from my liver.  (4 small tumors).  I will see my Doctor immediately following the scan for the results.

In my case, it spread from my colon, through my lymph nodes and into my liver.  In spite of  the chemo treatments I had.  My first experience with chemo, left me with severe nerve damage to my feet and to my internal organs.  All of my organs were damaged in some way or other and have quirks.  Primarily my digestive system.    I have lost much weight due to an inability to properly intake or digest food.    I was wearing size large, I now wear size small.  I was in size 16-I am now wearing size 7.

A group of cancer Doctors (each specializing in different areas of cancer/chemo/treatments agree another about of chemo would probably kill me.  Even though, a different a different set of meds would be used, they will not risk giving it too me.

So, knowing most patients in my shoes, would have received chemo in addition to surgery….well, obviously, my chances of the cancer returning are increased.  I also know I am in the final stages of this cancer.  Basically, this means, I am in need of a miracle.

For these reasons, my writings/musings reflect on faith/spiritualism.  I can not help but focus on life, death…the hereafter.  It gives me great comfort and I hope it may comfort someone else as well.

Today, I ask for healing prayers.  I ask for a miracle.  I ask all to pray my CT scan comes out clean with no sign of cancer.

Most everyday, I seem to end up having a “theme” for the day.  It has been anything from a cat to an angel to a frog.  It is never anything I plan.  It is something my writings, my inspirations of the day seem to focus on naturally.  Today, it seems to be a “witch”.

However, today it is not only a witch.  It is a special witch.  I see a “Yellow Witch”.  Yellow, because yellow is “my color”.  My favorite color, my favorite flower and my personality are “yellow”.  Yellow is sunshine, happiness and friendship.  A witch is magical and full of healing energy.

I am going to write about a little yellow witch.  She is a special cancer witch.  I want her to travel the internet.  I want her to find other cancer patients.  I want her to share her magical words and prayers.  Her miracle poetry.   I pray for God to touch us all through my little yellow witch.  I pray for a healing.  I pray for miracles.  I  pray whoever receives my little yellow cancer witch also receives the a healing miracle too.

Please God, touch all of us.  We are all fighting for out lives, we are all seeking to live.  We are all in our final hours.  We all seek Your healing.  Please, whether through our medications, our surgeries, our Doctors or directly through your miraculous blessings, I pray…..we all pray collectively for a healing, a little yellow miracle.

Yellow Witch

This yellow witch is sent to you

With a healing prayer

Asking God for a cure

Cancer Beware

Cast this vile disease out

Please Father, We pray

Bless this little yellow witch

Wash all cancer away

A misty kiss and a puff of wind

Hear us, Oh Lord

Cradle us in angel wings

Strong so we may soar

Yellow witch

Stay with us

Remind us, this prayer

That we made pass on to another

Who is in despair

Amen

Renee Robinson