The majority of us have a relationship with our physical bodies that is riddles with wishes of change and unsatisfied glances in the mirror. Those unsatisfactory feelings towards our bodies makes a direct impact on how we share ourselves with others.
Inhibitions, poor body image and low self esteem are the passion killers of modern society and the saddest realisation is that it is totally self inflicted. No one gives you body issues unless you allow them to and no one makes you feel better about your body without your consent either. Before you can choose to enjoy the act of sex and revel in its abundant pleasures it gives your body, you have to allow your body the opportunity to let go of all inhibitions. No one with body issues has the ability to do that.

Our bodies are beautiful and we would neglect them a whole lot less if we realised just how much self love and feeling good in our own skin has the ability to heighten our sex drive.
I’m a voluptuous woman who some would simply label as fat, yet I seem to be having a much better time in my sexual experiences than the people I communicate with. Some of them have gorgeous figures and others are strutting around with supermodel looks, yet their self image shouts self loathing and it is taking away from their sexual pleasure. What is the difference? I love my body … finally!

One of my suggestions to enhance the joy of sex is to make love with the lights on. I give some people much kinkier and more intimate tasks, yet this one seems to send gushes of fear through countless individuals.
So let’s backtrack and begin by simply having intimate moments with your own body before you get thrust into the spotlight.

Firstly, if you are not happy with your body then you need to evaluate whether it is because you are carrying issues that have damaged your view of yourself, or if you are simply horrible to yourself . The benchmark for change should be directly related to health beyond image. The body responds to change in the highest esteem and that has nothing to do with tampering with your body image to please anyone else.
Always remember that if you have had an incident of abuse in any form then you should seek counciling as the first step to healing your self image. It is never too late to let go of the wounds and allow your body to heal and experience the innocence of your perfection.

Before you can change, you need to accept.
You cannot fix anything from a space of self loathing and you cannot make rational choices on out of desperation. Accepting usually gives you the great gift of realising that there is either very little or nothing at all to change. However, initially you should be the last person to judge your own body until you begin to build a healthy relationship with it.

Nothing makes a partner lose interest in having sex with you than trying to make love to someone who is not comfortable enough let go and allow the sexual potential to flow. Before they eventually give up, the majority of lovers try desperately to show you how perfect you are. Self loathing can be felt by a lover and they cannot have the experience they want when your body is unreceptive. However, before a lover gives up the fight they try do something very power and extremely vital - they become the healer and unconsciously desire to assist in your healing.

Healers provide the tools, yet it is up to you to use those tools and go on a journey of self healing. You have to choose to want to heal. You have to want to give your body the self love and respect it deserves and you should want to explore the abundant sexual possibilities that your body was designed for.

Learning to love your physical body takes mirror work. Yes, standing in front of the mirror and loving what you see. Exploring your own physical body and awakening the potential of it in full view of yourself. Yet for many that is a daunting step and so I suggest that you use another mirror. A very intimate mirror, being the words of a lover or trusting and intimate (not necessarily sexual) friend.

Words are extremely powerful and should be savoured for the gift that they give you. Compliments and admiring truths are the essence with which your body has the first taste of perfection. Not holding onto those compliments or arguing their truth only fuels your self loathing.

I hated every inch of my body and had no sexual relationship with my physical self, yet I have blossomed into a sexual being with abundant love for my body even though it might be considered ‘imperfect’ to society. I could not have done that without the words of my lovers and friends. Mostly, the did not know that they were my healers and some had the joy of experiencing my transformation with me.

Listen to lovers and pay attention to the world around you. If your self esteem is so shattered that you have an inability to attract a lover right now then pay extra attention to those who do love you unconditionally … and they do.
Accept compliments with gratitude. No matter how small or whether you believe in them or not, accept them with grace. Do not throw a nasty comment back to the person or turn it on yourself. Do not joke about it or mock your self. Hold onto it and say ‘thank you’.
In a time when you find yourself alone with your body, take that compliment to a mirror and look at what the person has said. It might not be your truth right now, but it is true. It might be as simple as having a radiant smile or a strong feature, but it is there.

The more comfortable you become with one compliment, the more your body will crave another. It might take time, but remembering to hold onto the energy of the words and projecting them back to you is the greatest healing tool. Something will spark within you and you will want to care for yourself more. It is the natural progression of a body that has been craving uninhibited sexual experiences.

As you get bolder you will want to include your partner in the process. Of course they will want to partake in divulging all that they find perfect and sexy about you.. You manage to arouse them don’t you? You turn them on and they want to indulge in your body, so find out why.

Here is a fun exercise to do with your lover. It can be toned down to share with an intimate friend if you are single:

Create a comfortable space where you will not be disturbed and have a paper and pen with you. Sit facing each other with as little clothing as you feel comfortable. For intimate lovers you should try do this exercise naked for reasons that will be revealed later. It is sometimes easier to share the task so that the attention is not all on you, but mostly you should allow your lover/partner to indulge in your beauty as to not deplete the energy of the compliments. Leave them to stare at you and write a list of the beauty that they see in your physical body.  Do not forget that this task must be done with the lights on. If you feel totally intimidated then wear blindfolds and relax into the potential of the task.

Accept the list graciously and then choose the level of confidence to which you would like to absorb those compliments into your body.
You can either put the list away for safe keeping and do the exercise, as before, where you stand in front of the mirror (naked of course) and take each compliment at a time and focus on that part of the body with the ‘wow’ factor. “Wow, they adore that part of me therefore there must be something to adore.”
You can be a little bolder and do the exercise while your intimate partner is with you and heighten your body’s desire to let go and explore your ability to be sexually free.
Ultimately, you should allow your partner to use the list themselves and have you stand in front of the mirror and touch the areas of your body that they adore while you give thanks and experience the ‘wow’ factor. Clearly that will lead to the body’s natural urge to indulge in some of that truth and will awaken a journey that is beyond your wildest thoughts.

Lovers are more than the other body that brings about sexual pleasure. They are your mirror into all that you miss about yourself. Even if they are fleeting lovers, they have a message for you. Honour them and give them the respect they desire by merely believing and being grateful for the compliment they pay your body with either their words or their touch.

There is nothing sexier than a body with no inhibitions … no matter how ‘imperfect’ it is.

Follow the link for more information of Organic Orgasm talks or councilling by Jodene.

Please feel free to either post a comment or write to me with feedback on the power of this exercise to help encourage others to explore the potential of who they are.

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