I seem to cling to my past wounds and run back to my old dysfunctional habits.
Especially at the beginning of each New Year we all long to change, to embrace a new start. However it is common knowledge that most of us will fail but do we fail completely?
At first glance, I find a conundrum within me; I long for freedom, yet find comfort in my old prison. Yet I do know that when love and the light of truth touches me, I will never really be the same again. I at least remember that moment of light which is a sign of hope. So why does it seem like I scurry backwards into old habits?
The truth is that we are all too hard on ourselves and simply not patient enough with the natural process, a process which is automatic, hidden from our eyes. This hidden process of growth continues once we have taken a step to embrace change and let go of the old, once we have said yes. It is just slow that's all.
Think of the pendulum on a clock. Once the mechanism that works the pendulum stops, the pendulum still swings back and forth but each arc is a less pronounced until it stops completely in the middle, in perfect balance. That image is a perfect example of how change is worked out in our lives. It takes time for the old habits to die but once the driving engine that fuels our habits dies, they slowly shrivel up until they stop completely.
So don't bash your poor head against a wall if you seem to fail outwardly. Be kind to yourself. Trust in the automatic process of death and rebirth that is at work within you.
Happy New Year.