I am in the middle of watching Lars and the Real Girl.  Its a movie that I borrowed from my parents about a year ago, but I never got around to watching it until now.  Actually, I am not watching the DVD I borrowed, I am watching it on television.  Sorry mom.

Anyway, its a story about a man who buys a doll, or rather an anatomically correct silicon girlfriend.  The doll is real, at least for Lars (if you are never going to watch it read the plot HERE). The strange thing is, the entire town embraces this doll, whose name is Bianca and is a half Brazilian and half Danish girl with nurse training, as a real life member of the community.  They don't embrace her reality because they are stupid, or because they don't know she is fake, but because the love Lars. 

They love Lars in the midst of his delusions, in the midst of his break down, they love Lars for being Lars.  They love him so much that Bianca becomes one of the most popular citizens in town and Lars gets jealous.  Lars gets jealous because he is so wrapped up in the delusion he doesn't see how much everyone loves him.  He doesn't see that they are not loving Bianca, but him.  The fact is, for a while, Lars is just a douche.



Now here I am watching this and realizing that I am just like Lars.  At times,

I am a douche. 


I have had so many people around me that have loved me in the midst of my lunacy, my ugliness, my sin and I just don't see it at times.  People have loved me, and I haven't always loved them back.
To all of those who have loved me, it has not gone unnoticed.  I remember when you listened to my problems without one-upping me, when you just let me cry, when you opened your life to me, when you opened your home to me, when you called when I was hurting, when you sent me a note of encouragement, when you sang to me, when you invited me backpacking, when you showed me friendship, when you covered me on a call, when you accepted me, and taught me, and invested in me, and supported me, when you loved me. I have not always deserved it, in fact mostly I have not, but I thank you so much.  You have made me who I am today and for that I am grateful. I am not going to end this with some empty promise that I will give you all a call tomorrow to let you know, just know that I will do my best, and know this, I love you.
The movie just finished, and so did I.