So I am talking with a friend of mine the other day.  This friend and I have been meeting together for a couple of months now.  We basically get together and talk about life, and football, and God.  This friend is a player on the football team that I have been coaching down here. 
Just to clarify, I am talking about real football, american football.  Football with pads, and hitting, and blood, and pain.  Football. 

Anyway, so he asks me a question that kind of makes me think.

Why are you spending time with me? I know the answer, but I do not want to damage the relationship with a hasty response so I take a few moments to really think it through.  A few moments to make sure that my lack of spanish doesnt make him storm out of the restaurant because I insulted his mother.  A few moments to make sure I answer the question "correctly".  A few moments.

The answer is simple, because I like to, but who is going to believe that.  Truth is, I like having him as a friend.  I like finding out about his life.  I like talking to him about God.  I meet with him because I like to.  So I tell him. 

I tell him with all the passion I have, but he doesn't look convinced.  So a few moments later, he tilts his head, raises a brow in the universal sign of "BS" and asks me a follow up question.

Well, why are you always talking about God? Another great question, and equally thought provoking. 

The first thing I assure him is that it is not my job to meet with him. I am meeting with him,WHY?  Because I like to.  Second, I tell him that God is the reason I am in Costa Rica.  God is the reason I left my job, my family, my life in the states.  God is the reason we are even friends.  God is the single most important person in my life so that is why we talk about God.  People talk about what matters to them.

As soon as I finish my answer he says he understands and then he calls me a "special case".  Then it is I that has a quizicle look on my face as my brain forms MY follow up question.  Well really two questions.  The first one I immediately dismiss based on #1 onTVWM post:  The 16 Most Amazing Things About You.

Is he calling me a retard? The second question is much deeper, much more profound, much more eloquent.

Huh? He tells me he has known pastors and priests and even missionaries, but nobody ever sat down and talked with him about God.

I sit there for a minute and think about my life.  What I was like when God found me, broken and hurting.  Where I was headed, nowhere.  What I was doing, destroying everyone and everything I touched.  I was nothing until God picked me up.  I was no one until God discovered me.  Until He found me, I was through.

So I share the story of my life with him.  As I am talking, I realize the reason.  The reason I have been sharing God with him.  The reason is, because God has done so much for me.  Then, before I can even finish my story,  I realize something else.

 I really hate Christians, sometimes.  

Christians, not followers of Christ.  

By Christian I mean, religious Christians.  Fake Christians.  Church going Christians.  "Its a God thing" saying Christians.  Empty, shallow, social Christians.  Business men trying to get more business Christians.  Self-centered, Jesus make my life comfortable Christians.  Christians.

Christians that are too ashamed to share God with someone for fear they will destroy the relationship.  Christians  that are too lazy to get off the couch and build a relationship with their neighbor, with their coworker, with anyone.  Christians that are so obsessed with the pursuit of things, of money, of happiness, of (insert whatever you are pursuing) that they do NOT pursue God.

You see followers of Christ invest in others.  Follower of Christ sacrafice their desires for His desires.  Followers of Christ follow Christ, but Christians are just Christians. 

Then, in the midst of my semi-hysterical rant against the Church, and pastors, and missionaries, and Christians, I realize something else. 

Something that hurts. 

Something that shakes me to the core.

Sometimes I hate myself. Why?

Because at times I am just a Christian  and NOT a follower of Christ. Then there was an earthquake and we changed the subject.