Have you ever tried pointing out the annoying traits in your boyfriend's personality to him? How did he take it?
If you were like many girlfriends, you may have received a reply like: "Okay, I get it," or "All right, I'll do something about it."
But over time, he keeps doing whatever it is that annoys you, and you tell him, "Hey, what are you doing? I thought we talked about this! Are you even listening to me?"
And he tries to brush it off by saying, "I know, I'm sorry, okay? It won't happen again," or "You know what, I don't really want to talk about it right now."
And the situation repeats itself over and over and over. You get more and more angry at how he seems to disregard every little thing you say, and your arguments get more intense. To your surprise and dismay, he seems to be drifting further and further away, as though he was trying to AVOID fixing his bad traits. What a jerk!
How do you fix such a situation? How can you help your boyfriend get rid of his bad traits without actually getting rid of him in the process?
This was exactly the problem that "Desiree" had with her man. Let's make ourselves comfortable and listen to her story!
"Alex, I have a crazy situation. It is this guy I met online, and I found him very attractive as a cultivated, multi bobby, classy, gentle person. We then spoke on phone, and I think I liked him very very much.
Unfortunately, one day he ignored some of my calls and texts, and I got really mad and sent him some pretty nasty texts as I felt my dignity was hurt!!
He tried to fix the situation, and we continued talking on the phone. But for 1 month of daily talking, he never asked me out. So I got mad again and asked him why he didn't want to meet me. We met a week after that talk.
Actually, I didn't like his appearance. He's a small guy and looked average, while I am a tall hot lady. But I couldn't resist his personality.
We continued talking by phone, and I kept making the same mistakes -- when I was mad at him, I sent hurtful texts, and we fought a lot over sms. We still got to speak again, but he never asked me out afterwards.
And what made me feel worse was that he kept urging for sex. He said many times that he wanted to kiss and touch me -- he says he finds me very sexy, and he wanted to get physical with me more than with other women. I tried to refuse, but many times I couldn't resist the phone sex and always felt guilty about it.
Now we come to my biggest problem -- he never asked me out again, but he keeps calling me day and night. We talk about our relationship, how my crazy texts kept him from fully committing to me, and other things -- but we still had phone sex.
He also mentioned he was seeing another girl he met after me, and they've been going out for about 5 months now, and that they meet every 2 days. But until now they don't share any romantic commitment, but he's willing to get engaged with and marry her if she likes him too. He's not sure about her feelings and is too proud to ask her, but is pretty confused himself.
Of course, I was miserable. But I didn't show it, and I wished him good luck. But I kept crying alone, and I've been miserable since then. However, he still calls me very often, sometimes still for phone sex. And when I tell him about his "girlfriend," he says "NO, I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP!"
I am really miserable. I feel there's chemistry between us. He liked me a lot in the beginning, but then I acted crazy, and now he can't think of me seriously.
Of course I stopped sending crazy texts, and only receive his calls, and started to resume my old activities -- studies, looking for more satisfying jobs, hobbies, friends, and meditation, But I can't take him out of mind for ever."
Desiree, I can tell JUST HOW MISERABLE you feel right now. Your emotions spill out on every line in your e-mail!
Here's a fact about men that we women will always, ALWAYS find hard to swallow -- their bad traits, no matter how annoying they may be to us, will always be a "little thing" to them.
It's no big deal for them! Unfortunately, many women have a tendency to point them out and make a "big deal" out of them. It's a "little thing" to men, but it's "BIG" for us!
But no matter how many times we tell them about it, it will ALWAYS be a little thing to them. And when we make a fuss out of his bad traits, he'll start thinking that you're being "overdramatic," "oversensitive," or -- as Desiree herself so aptly put it -- "CRAZY!"
So it's no wonder why men often shrink and drift away from criticism. (Hey, if I felt my partner was "crazy," I'd drift away, too!) But here's the thing -- when he drifts away, it's not because he wants to get back at you. You may be surprised to hear this, but he actually means NO OFFENSE when he withdraws from the criticism.
It's just a man's NATURAL means of coping with the pressure. After all, it's a pressure he CAN'T FIGURE OUT, and as we all know -- the best way to deal with a problem you can't figure out is to make it irrelevant. That is, by NOT THINKING about it.
A Relationship Isn't A Give-And-Take Setup!
Too many women think relationships are give-and-take setups. They think that to make a relationship work, they and their boyfriends should both sacrifice a few things they enjoy.
Sure, a guy should sacrifice a few things to make the relationship work. But here's the BIG DIFFERENCE -- he has to sacrifice not because he HAS to, but because he CHOOSES to.
He's not going to change for you just because you tell him to.
He needs to find a very personal, very emotional reason to change. And that reason should come within his own self, and from no one else.
Unless he himself sees the NEED to change, he won't. And no amount of arguing will force him to!
But there's good news in all of this...
While you can't TELL him to change, you can still ENCOURAGE him to do so. And this is done by knowing precisely the RIGHT WAY to communicate with him -- that is, by bypassing his mind and speaking straight to his HEART!
It's very possible. And it's so amazingly powerful that it can make him change his bad habits for you -- without ever directly telling him to!
He'll just fall so MADLY IN LOVE with you that he'll start going out of his way to actually make the relationship grow and mature. No arguing, bickering, or any "craziness" involved!
Love, I WANT you to learn this special kind of communication.
How come men never seem to appreciate your efforts to fix his bad traits? Why do they seem to dislike you for trying to fix his faults? Are all men too proud and conceited to accept help from a woman? To learn how to communicate with him in a way that actually ENCOURAGES him to change for the better.
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