I found this very interesting article about a mistress being with a married man and why she thinks he is with her. Then gives the wife advice on how to keep her man..lol I don't entirely agree with her points and after every point i'll give you the reason why:
1. I don’t go out to find your man..he FINDS me. There’s this belief that women like me go out and pursue men that wear wedding bands. Negative. Many times I am chilling with my friends at a lounge and guess who is lurking around the club trying to get with us? Yep, your husband. Usually he’ll stare all night , send us drinks (on him of course)and right before we’re about to leave he decides to make his move. Sometimes he has his band on but most times it’s not. If he’s attractive, my friends will exchange numbers, or facebook ids with them and before we get home he’s already “blowing up” our phones or pages.
Sometimes men are upfront and tell me (or my friends) their married but most times they hide it. And if it does come up they make up some lame excuse about you not liking to go out..blah,blah blah… Before the week is out he’s trying to go out and never once does he bring you back up.
Well just because "he" finds you, it doesn't mean you are automatically more special than the wife. Or any other woman for that matter. I mean since the beginning of man-kind, its always been in a man's nature to hunt.
To find, to go after the woman. Not a woman's job. Now our job is to choose wisely on which men we get involved with. This poster just has a poor choice of men.
Men who are not only committed to another woman but will never be fully available to her.
2. Get yourself together–while you are gaining 15 pounds of “baby weight” I am getting fine in the gym.
Almost all of the men I have dated have wives who are not only overweight but dress like their on permanent mom duty. Is that a prerequisite of being a wife to look..homely? While your out, eating fried chicken and stuffing your face with doughnuts I am in the gym 2 hours a day to stay haute.I do not have a gut, my thighs don’t rub together and when I am out men they want to be with me.
When me and “my man” go out he compliments my body. Other men stare at my body; they wish I was their girl. They admire my body. He does not have to remind me to take care of myself. I get my hair ad nails done every week. My clothes are always in style, Can they say the same about you?
Well in some cases, yes wives can. Beauty is not always the reason why men cheat. The wife can be very beautiful and still get cheated on. Example. Kobe's (now ex) wife(talk about here), Tiger Woods (now ex) wife. Even Halle Berry's husband(s) (yea plural) cheated on her.
Although its still important for wives to keep their appearances up, so I have to agree somewhat on this. It is not an end all be all situation for husbands to stop loving their wives. Unless he married her for superficial reasons.
And in that case would you honestly want a man who will divorce you after putting on a little weight? Instead of helping you get back in the gym. (I mean thats what my boyfriend did, he signed me up and we had a set schedule for working out)
3. Quit being insecure..you call him all day (and night) wanting to know when he comes home.
In the three years I was involved with Adam I never called him questioning where he had been, who he’s was with or what he had been doing. No,I made him call me, he wants to know how my day has been, he’s interested in me. I would hear his wife calling damn near crying because she’s been bored all day at the house with the kids. She has no life but her kids. He says when he calls her all she does is talk kid and house “stuff”. According to him, she’s boring. Not me! I tell him about my trip with my girlfriends to Mexico later this summer, my promotion or how I am thinking about remodeling my house or going to Essence in the summer. I am always fun.
When is this poster going to learn that she is just a fantasy in his everyday stressful life. Those "stuff" she is talking about is what every married couple with a family has to go through! But of course she wouldn't get that "stuff" until she gets married and has kids.
That "stuff" becomes your life!! It becomes number one on your everyday to-do list. And a "good" wife would want to make sure she is doing the best job ever taking care of her husband and children. Its the most hardest job a woman can take on.
And Guess What!! It becomes scary!
Your life changes once you take on that duty (you can't just up and leave to do all the fun things you did when you were single and childless) and a GOOD Husband would support his wife.
4.Stop talking about what you won’t do..really? **rolls eyes** Everytime I turn on the television, I hear women telling their friends what they won’t do. The usuals are: they won’t go half on the bills, they won’t cook, they won’t give their husbands a massage, won’t wear that outfit, they won’t listen to shit their man has to say..They’re the boss. Really you women cry about being married then when someone marries you you all of a sudden become Mrs. No. What is the point of coming home if all you hear is no when you want something? I’d never come home. When he comes to my house I am Ms. Yes (corny right). I cook him dinner, give him a massages, please him in anyway I can. And guess what? He loves that. He marvels at how attentive I am how much I care about him.
Understand this "No Real Man Wants A Yes Woman" like "No Real Woman Wants A Yes Man". A good relationship balances itself out. Its call compromise.
People have different personalities and everyone has (or should have) "standards". If you become the "yes" person to your partner, then how is that person suppose to know your "likes and dislikes"?
How are they getting to know the real you?
This guy won't change!(talk about that, here)
Her yes woman routine may work to get her in the door with this guy ( hey who would turn down a good slave that doesn't fuss).
But I'm willing to bet once she starts becoming a problem and having demands of her own, he'll wake up from his little fantasy and go back to his wife. (Or pick up another good slave)
5.Keep listening to your family, friends and everyone else on tv (who is single) on how to handle your man before long you’ll be single just like them. Period pointblank. Today women beg to get married then when they walk down the aisle they listen to everyone else on how to handle your business. Besides writing this post I don’t disclose to people what I do with my man. If I need advice, I will call a close family member. Enuff said. As I look back on my relationships with married men I can honestly say I know how to treat my husband when I finally get married. I don’t feel bad for anything I’ve done..I would not been able to do any of it without your help! Smooches.
Or you can be an even more "dumb" wife by listening to the advice given by the "mistress" ( who for 1, not only fails to see that she is not in a fulfilling good relationship, but also has never been married with kids).
If you want advice from others, be wise about who you choose to listen to. seek a marriage counselor, a trusted married friend( who can relate as closely as possible to your problem), or even old wise married couples.
How about this for advice, the less people involved in your marriage drama the better. The only people that can help or save a marriage, are the 2 people who are married to each other.
And for the poster who made these 5 points of so-called advice, sorry to say sweetheart, but your way to naive to know what it takes to have a good marriage. Or you would have realized the first mistake is being the mistress. (I don't care if you say its love or not!) A man that loves you would end any and all relationships before he starts another one w/ you. That shows he CARES about your feelings!!" If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you!"